Are You Lonely, Mama?

Last night, I was in bed, ready for sleep, doing my nightly terrible habit of scrolling through my facebook feed, when it hit me. It grasped my heart and stole my peace. It was just something as simple as a photo of a few moms hanging out and their playful comment banter under the photo. But it hit me hard. Jealousy. Bitterness. ANGER. And then when those feelings had faded away, all that was left was loneliness.

Are you lonely, mama?

I get lonely.

Motherhood is lonely.

It just is.

Even if you’re lucky enough to have one or two steady friends, how often do you really get to spend time with them? Life gets busy, babies need to nap, kids get sick, have rehearsals, practices, husbands get home late from work, things change, plans get canceled, you forget to reschedule, and who’s court is that ball in this time? It’s just really, really, hard to have friends in this stage of life.

Sometimes, I go to Target and walk around just to have interaction with people outside of my house. When I’m out with the boys and I look up from the chaos long enough to see another mama doing the same things I’m doing, I just want to run over to her and say, “Are you lonely too? Do you want the same things I want? Do you struggle with the same things I do? Will you judge me for failing? For being scared? For wanting to run away from my kids? For forgetting to put shoes on the oldest and a clean diaper on the youngest? Can we be friends? Am I freaking you out? I don’t care. HOLD ME.”

Sometimes I just want to have a long conversation with someone other than my husband. Someone with female anatomy. Someone in the same life stage as me. Someone that gets me. But I can’t dwell on those thoughts. Loneliness breeds jealousy, and bitterness, and anger, and regret, and then guilt, and sleeplessness, grumpiness, impatience, grudges, depression, and on … and on … and on …

Mama, I know that you’re lonely too. It’s ok. Just remember that this is a season and it is the most sacred season you will ever have the honor of experiencing. This is the time when your babies need you and want you and enjoy having you around. This is the time when they will cling to your legs as you try to leave the house without them and run into your arms when you come home as if you’d been gone a lifetime. You will never be more loved and wanted and needed as you are right now…in this moment.

This is the season of boo-boos and spit up and dirt. It’s the season for 10 minute showers, half shaved legs, and one eyed mascara. You will get lonely. And jealous. And maybe sometimes you’ll begrudge your life and wish you had someone else’s. You’ll get frustrated and angry and you’ll want to escape. This will be the most unglamorous and unappreciated time of your life, and sometimes it just totally sucks. That’s ok. But have peace in knowing that this will be the season you look back on longingly. One day, we’ll gladly give up all the friends in the world to have our babies small again. To be able to fit them on our laps and read them stories and go on adventures and eat pancakes at every meal.

When loneliness creeps up in your heart and you start to feel sorry for yourself and wish for something other than what you have right now, fill that emptiness where your social life used to be with baby belly laughs and movie nights and pillow fights and silly songs. Don’t let temporary loneliness steal this season of your life.

I’m not saying that friendship isn’t important. Obviously, it is, or we wouldn’t feel its lack so strongly. We were never meant to live in isolation. Women, especially, need friendship. But sometimes, our friendships take the back seat in life and we can let that destroy us and affect our motherhood, or we can embrace it and give ourselves, and our friends, grace.

If you have friends, do whatever you can to spend time with them as often as life allows. But maybe you’re in the same place I am right now. Maybe you’re in a new city, and you don’t know anybody, and then you meet people but they already have their group of friends and circles and you just kind of feel like the oddball out. It’s easy to get discouraged and feel defeated. It’s easy to cling to the computer and your online friends. Don’t. Find a moms group, a meet up, a park where moms often hang out. Step out of your comfort zone, ask for phone numbers, and be intentional about forming friendships. Sometimes it will fail. But maybe it won’t! Your new best friend could be sitting across from you at the playground feeling just as lonely as you. Don’t convince yourself that you’re the only one in the world that doesn’t have friends. (I really need to practice what I preach…)

The point is, don’t let loneliness steal this season from you. It’s precious and it’s beautiful and it will be over way too soon.


Thanks so much for reading! If you want to keep up with the When at Home haps, like the facebook page and subscribe to my newsletter!

Hey mamas! Update : You can now find local mamas to meet up with on the Lonely Mamas Map. If you don’t see your city, state, or country represented, click the “+” sign and add your info! 


  1. Hattie says

    I could have written this. Like, Word. For. Word. I am a recent college grad in a new city with an unplanned baby. My husband works 50+ hours a week working the 2nd shift. I just read this with tears running down my face. I have tried to go to a mom’s group and have been there twice in the last 4 months. I just don’t fit in with the mom crowd. These are women who are on baby 2 or 3, with a husband who has an awesome job. They are 10 years older than me and don’t get what it means to be me. They don’t understand that all the plans I had for my life were totally changed a year ago. I don’t have any plans now. I love being with my baby girl, but I am scared I will never get to do the things I wanted to do. So, I feel like I don’t fit in. But, I don’t fit in with my young single/babyless friends either. It is so lonely sometimes. This was so encouraging! There are other people going through the same crap as me?! Other people walk around Target hoping someone will want to talk to them?! Thank you for the kick in the butt. I can’t just sit here alone and cry. And I can’t let it ruin my time with my family. Again… I know I have said this multiple times in the last few days… LET’S BE FRIENDS! (now I just seem desperate and creepy. sorry.)

      • says

        Hsolo Young People,
        It will feel lighter even you approach this stage of your lives prepared.
        No soldier goes yo war without first setting down ti count the cost, if he will be ready ti face her opponent with the number of soldiers the gas accumulated.
        Be encouraged, stay in tune, remember you are you, unique and special.

        In this you have joy.
        Womanhood is great, be proud of who you are, dint day dream to become another.
        stay blessed.

      • says

        I started crying and didn’t even know why until it hit me,im not the only one! Thank you!

      • Leigh Ann says

        My story is a bit different, but even to this day I feel the loneliness. I was not married until I was 36. So while my friends were in your shoes, I couldn’t relate. Then, when I married and started my family my friend had high schoolers and soon started with grandkids. I couldn’t relate. I had toddlers at 40! Now, as my sons are teenagers, my friends are thinking retirement. College is paid for and they are traveling and having a ball. I can’t relate. I’m still buy new shoes it seems way too often. Teen boys grow SO fast! Argh! What i did through all of this worked pretty well for me. I found that I loved to cook, so I signed on with The Pampered Chef. It was a night out, making real money, only a few nights a month or more if I wanted to. It was something for me. I had an identity other than Mom. I contributed to the family budget and had some money to call my own. To top it all off I got fabulous things for my own use! Love their products to this day. I recently decided to ‘retire’ from The Pampered Chef after 14 years. My youngest is 14, the oldest just 17. I would encourage you to try a Direct Sales company. Something YOU enjoy. It will give you a whole new sense of yourself, while providing a night out (a room full of women talking laughing and spending money how far wrong can you go?) and you can really make decent money at the same time. I’d love to answer any questions you might have…or just to be your friend. Hang in there, these days with your kids are priceless. but it IS a challenge.

        • Lee Lee says

          Hi Leigh Ann, I am right where you were. I will be 40 in a few months with a almost 4 year old and an 11 month old. I do feel lonely, often but would not give up this season. The loneliness is bc all friends my age who have “been there and done” that with stages in life are done with the baby stage, toddler state and most in between stages. I joined 31 for the same reason!

        • says

          Interesting… I had my first at 25 and felt surrounded by 40 year old Moms at the park who snubbed me. When I was pregnant I had a woman gasp as I was taking off my jacket and she said “you’re pregnant?” I flushed. “I’m 25.” I offered as a defense. “And married.”

          Now i’m 30 with three kids and just the other day one of these Moms said to me at a play group “you are WAY too young to have three kids!” as she went back to talking to her other 40 year old Moms with toddlers and babies.

          I would be happy to have a 40 year old friend. I just feel they look at me and judge me.

          • Ashley says

            I’m right there with you. I’m 30, married and have 4 kids (my first was born when I was 25 as well). I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I hear “you’re too young to have 4 kids” by people who really may be only a few years older…but then the other moms I know who have kids that are around my youngest Children’s age (I have 10m twins), they don’t have kids who are older (my oldest is 5). I just feel like I don’t fit in…and then throw in the comments… ::eye roll:: It is what it is.

            I can relate to this so much, though and I vow the next time I sew someone who appears to be aimlessly wondering around Target like I am, I will stop and say Hi. :-)

          • Alex says

            I am 25, with 4 children, 7, 6, 4, and 20 months. I get filthy loooks ALL THE TIME. BUT…I am a good mum…I am caring, and grounded, and passoinate and all the things I should be. I hit a point where I had to accept the judgement that would come for being young…and carry on being the best I can be….no matter how lonely…which trust me…I am. There is no time for life when you have 4 young kids. But…what can you expect….they are my world!!!!

          • Kelsey says

            I understand how you feel! I’m 21 with 3 kids, the oldest is my step daughter. (Yes, I suppose I was a “teen mom”. I had my first a month before I turned 19.) But I’m married and my kids are certainly well taken care of and the judgment is definitely still there! It shouldn’t matter how old you are (though you should be a mature adult) or how many kids you have. They’re such a wonderful part of life and not every body wants to wait until they’re 40 (& there’s nothing wrong with people who do).

          • jennifer says

            That’s that thing anymore what is too young and what is too old to have kids.. People are always eye balling.
            I was a younger mom when I was pregnant with my twins. I was 24. AND HAD A PLAN. no matter what I was driven to not give up and no matter what looks I got or comments I received I was going to conquer my dreams and goals.. it was actually more pushing for me to conquer them when i got the looks or the comments. it made me want to prove people wrong… its funny that people are so quick to judge but once they know your story their whole demeanor changes.
            there is always a way to defeat others comments an looks.

        • Becky says

          Oh, this is me all over!! I married at 35 and had my children at 38 and 40. I did join a mom’s group, but I was at least 10 years older than everyone else in the group. I didn’t let it stop me, I am still friends with several of them almost ten years later, but I did and still do feel like I’m not quite one of them. And, I work part time, while most of the other moms are stay-at-home and better off financially. No buddies from work, and no real buddies from the mom’s group, but at least I haven’t been totally isolated. I have NOT seen a mom’s group that is mostly older moms, in fact I never see other moms my age. I guess it’s all in the luck of the draw, what demographic is near where you live? I don’t know. But I’m 53 and have two young teenagers and I’m still lonely. I don’t really have any girlfriends, ones who I call when I have news or just want to chat. I am far from my own family. I keep busy but I do miss close female friends in my life. I’m grateful that my daughter is turning out to be such a delightful young lady! She is wonderful to be around. But soon she’ll be in college. Sigh. Life is what it is! I will keep involving myself as much as I can (I’m a big time introvert though) and make the best of things! This article was great, and hit home.

      • Rachael says

        Balling my eyes out too. I’m a full time mom of a 5 yr. old and 3 yr. old in a new city with no friends. I have my good days and bad days and needed this reminder to not wish away these precious years. “The days are long, but the years are short. “

    • Auralia says

      I wear those shoes too, and it’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only one who feels EXACTLY that way.
      Lots of love <3

    • says

      We had our first baby in the same surprise fashion before I could even finish college. There were many lonely years when I was the youngest and I always felt like the odd man out. My first turned 6 last month and he has been joined by a brother and a sister and that feeling of isolation is so much less painful now (though it does sneak up on me at times). The trick is to find some time (even if it’s just five minutes a day) to do work toward something that you wanted to do pre-kid. I’ve been writing my book for almost five years now. Yes, that’s mind bogglingly slow, but it’s mine and it’s on the topic of my ‘planned life’ and it’s a sanity-saver. I didn’t stop being an artist and a writer when I had a baby. It’s just the mommy part of me is more important right now. So I write ten minutes a day. Later it will be more. But right now, this is what I can make. And, if you phrase it a little differently, in five years I’ve had three babies and one book. ;) If you can’t find friends, find YOU! Love from, A Mom who would love to be your friend :)

      • Kendra says

        “If you can’t find friends, find YOU!” How incredibly powerful and amazing advice. I think sometimes when you’re alone, it gives you the opportunity to truly see yourself – and in turn, find yourself! And when you find yourself and learn to truly love that person, you tend to attract the best kinds of people into your life. I just turned 30 and I’m only now beginning to see that fully.

        ((HUGS)) to you Hattie! And just remember, just because that one mom’s group didn’t work out, there are plenty more where that one came from – I’m sure you’ll find just the right group for you! Sometimes it happens just right out of the blue!

      • Melissa says

        I was reading this comment thinking, “Hey, that sounds just like what my friend Jamie would write.” And then BOOM! I got to the end and it IS Jamie! Haha! Friends separated by thousands of miles unwittingly reading the same article. I feel less lonely already. :D You’re awesome and amazing and I love you! And I can’t wait to catch up on the chapters I have missed while dealing with the new mama chaos.

    • Rachel says

      Same exact story as you, Hattie! It gets easier with time. Mom
      Groups sort of help, but they’re all older and established etc. Really, it’s
      Just a long adjustment period. Good luck—you’re totally not alone.

    • Claire North says

      No you ladies are not weird or creepy or strange or anti social. Our society today has made it so that people seem to be too busy to afford time to be social, I have felt like this also. My daughter is older now, she is 12 and I am finally finding myself again, but I worry I am getting older and feel like what have I achieved? Then I realise that raising a child well, is so much more important than anything else, however very rarely do we get validated for what we do. Know that there are many many of us out there…you and I are not really alone.
      I would give all of you ladies a hug if I could, because sometimes we just need that…..:-)

      • says

        Raising my kids was the only thing I wanted to do with my that they are all grown and busy with their own lives, I don’t feel needed anymore and feel like I haven’t done anything with my life (I don’t work outside the home–I’m on disability). My youngest is 16 1/2 and planning to move when she’s 18, I’m not afraid to let them o, I just want to feel obsolete–I don’t want to live without them near. I love having them home–at least then I know they are save. I love my kids very much and miss having them around to hang out with. It’s a cruel world and bad things happen.

        • says

          oops…typo…I’m not afraid to let them go, just DON’T want to feel obsolete.

        • Denise says

          I am just past your situation Jane. All of my kids have left home – married or career – and I frequently feel obsolete. I too was a full time mum, gave up career to do what I felt was most important. I do not regret that decision. Unfortunately now I am left with a feeling of emptiness in my life. Gone is the hustle bustle of children’s activities, etc. My husband is amazing but much of his time is taken up with his career. We run a business but that takes up little of my time and we have only one grandchild at this point who lives on the other side of the world – literally. My struggle to ‘find myself’ is different but still just as real.

          • Sarah says

            Ok so here’s what I would say in desperation to the women in your shoes, if I had the courage…. Help me! Encourage me! Come along side me as an older mom to a younger mom. How many moms in church/community who don’t have help even from grandparents or really any babysitters would just LOVE to have a moms night out or even a date with hubby (I just had my first date with my railroad conductor hubby in over a year). I think, sometimes of the older ladies in my church and wish my kids had more of a grandparental influence. I wonder some times why we go through this struggle if not to come along side moms coming behind us to lift them up and encourage them through it. Just my struggle, my wish I’ve never shared with anyone, but something I think about when I hear an older been-there-done-that mom say she is bored or doesn’t know what to do.

    • Nikki says

      Hi Hattie I feel the exact sane way , I am also a college graduate since October last . I got pregnant in my final year but also have a 6 year old . All the other moms are allot older abd seem to have everything figured out while I’m at home stretching pennies and pulling my hair out . So glad I’m not the only one !

    • Deb says

      Aw, Hattie, I feel for you and the not fitting in. I got a late start (had my first at 35), and I felt like I was out of the loop for so long. It seemed like everyone else who had babies were in their 20s, and most of the women my age had teens, and some even grandkids. I didn’t fit anywhere, so I stayed to myself. Add to that being diagnosed with a chronic illness that kept me sidelined for awhile till I got it under control, and I was a mess. I grieved for everything I felt I didn’t have, and I felt guilty doing so because I so wanted a husband and kids. My boys are now 7 and 10, and I’m finally getting back to rediscovering who I am and the things I want to accomplish. I feel like it’s been a long time coming, but it’s all good now. I still don’t have a whole lot of friends, but the ones I do have are awesome. They–and now my boys–encourage me in my dreams and get excited for the steps I’m taking, and I do the same for them. It will all work out, hon. Just find little bites of time to keep your own interests alive, and keep trying to connect, even if just a few minutes a week, with someone else you share interests with.

      • Kim says

        Deb, my husband and I also got a late start (first one at 40). My daughter is only 15 months old so I’m still in the midst of “lonelyville”. We are relatively new to the area so don’t have a support system or many friends at all. What I wouldn’t give for a friend with a baby! We are involved in church and I’m on my second moms group now. It’s still early so I need to give it some time.
        It’s ironic that so many moms are lonely and feeling the same way, yet we can’t seem to connect. I’ve gone to Target myself just to be around other people (it can get expensive!). I see other moms there with their little ones and often think, “Hey, I’m lonely too.”. But fear holds me back, and the fact that they might think I’m crazy!

        • says

          Deb and Kim, I’m 37 with a 15 mo old and some chronic pain issues and this also resonates deeply! There needs to be a better way to connect these moms so we can help one another out instead of suffering in silence.

        • says

          I ‘m similar with my first at 40…but the lead up to parenthood, of IVF x 2 and 6 months of surprise complication bedrest (23 HOURS A DAY) was like a triple isolation back flip with an 8.4 degree of difficulty. I have a supportive family, but also have that yawning window about once a week where I look around me and go “oooohhhh no friends soooooo lonely”. And yes, being at such different stages than friends the same age is just weird and complicated, and makes things as simple as “where should we meet up for dinner?” awkward. And Target, 10pm on a Tuesday night? I’m there.

    • heather says

      I was at the phase my senior year in high school. All those ideals you had for “growing up” had to come to a halt to play the cards you were dealt. Just know that there really are others out there like you. They are quiet and shy and don’t know where to turn either. While I am now on my 3rd (my oldest is 21 and my youngest 16), he was planned and even now I feel alone sometimes. I have friends who are moms but I’ve taken a backseat to my kids and know when the time is right, I will make those lasting friendships.

      Know you are loved and you are doing what you can to live the best possible life you can. I wish you luck and love and all things in between.

    • Ashliegh says

      Oh my how this article touched my heart… and then your comment as well Hattie!! Its so hard being a mom of young children and babies and not having any friends around you that understand why you can’t just drop everything b/c you just spent your last dime on diapers or snacks. I was bawling also b/c I know the feeling of walking through Target too, searching for someone to make eye contact with so I can at least get a smile in! I seriously didn’t realize there are so many women out there who feel the same way!! Hattie I wish you much luck with your little one and I would so be your friend!! =)

    • says

      I totally agree Hattie. This letter could’ve been written about my life too, word for word almost. I have 3 kids, 12,9 and 4. A husband that works a lot too. Everyday the same thing, housework, kids to school, afterschool activities, dinner, homework, then bedtime somewhere around 10:00-10:30pm. Husband gets home late and I am exhausted!!!! He doesn’t understand all I do. We get into arguments and sometimes I just wonder if things would be better if I picked a different path in my life. I feel very overwhelmed and lonely a lot of the time. We moved away from all friends and family a few yrs ago, (from Los Angeles to Houston, TX) because of work and I sometimes regret it. I have no good close friends here to talk to or even hang out with. I love my family but sometimes I need a good friend to talk to or gripe to also.

    • Tammy says


      Do not give up!! I’m a Mom of an almost 11 yr old son and 13 yr old son! I joined the Mom’s club in my small town, and it is THE BEST suggestion my hubby has ever given me!! Try again if you can because my BEST friends are the friends I made in the Mom’s club!! They are like Sisters to me, which is a bonus since I’m an only child!!! Seriously, I joined when my youngest was 3 mos old and my oldest was 3 yrs old. We were in a playgroup for my youngest and luckily some of those Moms also had older siblings!! We are all still friends today, almost 11 yrs later!! Some have moved away, but many of us, and more, have stayed in contact with each other through school, volunteering, girl’s nights out, Relay For Life (in our town), bunko, dinner parties with hubbies, or just plain hanging out with a couple friends, theirs hubs, and their kids at one of our houses for a BBQ or the occasional karaoke night out with the chicks. I moved to that small town knowing only one person who was an acquaintance. I have developed long, lasting relationships because of the Mom’s club.

      I encourage you to try again!! I think we have all lived through this, and what the writer said is so true… they will be BIG before you know it!! Mine are in 5th and 8th grade now, and I so wish I could just snuggle again with my littles!!! They’re good boys and still give me hugs and kisses, but when they’re little, it’s just so different, so enjoy it, cherish it, be in the moment and join that Mom’s club or find a Meetup :)

      We’re all Moms who should support each other ♥♥♥

    • Hannah says

      Battle, 9 years ago I could have written exactly what you wrote there. My life was so utterly turned upside down when I found I sad pregnant with baby number 1. I was so lonely, so isolated, so completely lost and friendless after he was born and I never thought I’d have a life again. 9 years on I have lots of new friends, a job I love, another gorgeous little boy and one on the way. It’s not easy, especially when you don’t feel like you fit in with the mum crowd, but you’ll look back and wonder who that person writing these things was.

    • Marta says

      Love You All !!!! We are in this togather!!! After all “it takes a village to raise a child” lol

    • Chrissy says

      I felt this way so often when I had my daughter, and I grew up in this neighborhood…literally 3 minutes from the house I grew up in. Most of my friends work, and my husband and I decided I would be a stay at home mom to her, and possibly anymore (#2 is finally on the way, due next month.) I tried the mom’s groups too, but no luck. My cousin started a mom’s group, but they were a little far for me to go. So, I decided to take her lead and start my own as well. I started talking to one younger woman in another group (who turned out to be someone I should not have placed my trust in,) and she had helped me get new people in at first. Now, the group is growing on it’s own. I’ve met some pretty nice women there, and, even though we don’t see each other very often, it’s nice to have that group to go to when I need advice on anything from how to handle certain parenting situations to finding a roofer.

    • says

      Oh Hattie you are not alone! I could write the exact same paragraph you wrote. I was ready to press send on my law school applications when my husband and I found out we had a surprise arrival. Now I stay home with baby while my husband works hard trying to build a career for himself. The beat advice I ever got from an older was to grieve the loss of some of my dreams. When she first told me that I felt defensive. I realized I was afraid to admit that some of my dreams and plans for my future were gone. I am a mother now so the way I had planned things can never be the same.. and sometimes that feels like a death. And it is ok to acknowledge that. To grieve it even. But she added that after I do this ok need to move on. You can’t stay stuck in your grief. Acknowledge the loss and let it go. I don’t know why it felt so freeing to have someone tell me it was ok to admit sometimes it hurts that things had to change. Change hurts sometimes. But that doesn’t mean that the change isn’t the m pat wonderful thing ever. Anyways… Be encouraged. All you ladies sound wonderful! I would be friends with all of you!! :)

    • Kathryn Holthouse says

      Hattie, email me! I’ve been at the same place in my life until a few months ago (well, still there but its getting a teeny bit better) and even any kind of friendship, even one that isn’t face to face, would be welcome. I’m happy to be long distance friends! This whole blog rang true for me :-) <3

    • says

      Hattie, something you said made me want to reach out to you. It was the part where you said you basically feel like you gave up your dreams a year ago, I’m assuming because of kids and/or the marriage road. I felt that way too, after my first little girl was born. I am a singer/songwriter, and I didn’t pick up anything musical or write one word of a song for the 1st 3 years after she was born. I did try, but I was always uninspired and worn out, which isn’t conducive to writing, and for a while I felt guilty taking any time away from her “for me”. And I was frustrated, and had bouts with depression because my husband worked 2 jobs, I had almost no friend time, and worst of all, my outlet – my music – seemed completely out of my reach. It’s now been 8 years, and I’m almost 40 with 2 kiddos, and though I still hit bouts of loneliness and the fear of not reaching my goal the way I had wanted to, things are starting to come back into focus again. It doesn’t look exactly like I thought it would, but it’s actually better because I’m adding 8 years of experience, hard work, and maturity to my music, and it’s more fulfilling, in a different kind of a way. Hang in there. If you have a passion inside of you, it’ll come back around. Or something even better will take it’s place. Don’t lose heart.

    • Mandie says

      Wow! I feel like we are living the same life! My husband is on 2nd shift working about 58 hours a week so he’s practically never home as well. I want to encourage you not to give up your life plans though. I’m a very young mom. I’m only 21. Mom of 2 kids, 2 1/2 years old and 5 1/2 months old. My husband and I got pregnant with our first while I was still in high school and I though it was going to be the end of my life. We figured out a way for me to go to college part time though to pursue my degree in theatre! It’s still important to take care of you. It shows your children that you can value yourself and your plans even as a parent :)

      Good luck! We all need some!

    • Pleasantlyso says

      I’m just swooping in here to bounce something off y’all… What about the reality of how shitty some people can be.
      Now hear me out-isn’t it familiar to think about how many times you’ve met someone or been introduced to someone by chance or even at work, you’re excited about meeting and talking to them but the more you get to know them you realize they’re not a “match”. Isn’t it so impossible to match up with people anymore? I just find it next to impossible to find normal, like-minded people to be friends with. I don’t think it’s as much a motherhood thing as it is a human thing in general. We’re not lonely because we fail to interact…..we’re lonely because we fail to connect. Males and females, humans in general (I might be losing you here-I understand) are secretly longing and literally aching to connect with each other but we live in a society which grooms us not to. We are evolving into a self-centred culture and it’s pouring over into every aspect of our existence. It’s touching every single persons life.
      I’m just saying I’m fearful. For you……for me……our kids…….their kids. If we all paid just a little more attention to each other…..everywhere……wouldn’t we then have friends again? And wouldn’t it be easier to keep people in our lives…..if we weren’t working 50 hour weeks, or playing on our electronics?? If we all just loved each other for the simple fact that we’re all here….we’re all human
      And quite frankly it’s pretty fkng hard to be a human anymore.
      Thank you and I have love for every person who reads this.
      Or doesn’t read this for that matter. :)
      Thank you and good luck to us all.

      • says

        I actually agree with you here 100%. I am a very sociable person. I find it easy to speak to people, reach out to them, attempt at making a connection and these days… most of what I get back is a blank stare, a confused look or maybe one of suspicion that I must WANT something from them or a quick ‘Hi’ and then back to their cell phone. I’ve lived all over and found this happening everywhere. Because of this, I have very few real friends and I rarely see them. In fact, I could count them on one hand.
        Carrie Medford recently posted…Love Strawberry Sherbet? Make It Yourself With This Delicious Recipe!My Profile

    • ashleigh says

      I’m going on baby number 3, but am merely 27. Got pregnant at 19…but I don’t fit in with the soccer mamas and such either. Wish you lived closer…I’d say let’s do a park date w the kids and see if we fit in friendship wise with each other!

    • says


      Have you tried a younglives group? This group is for young girls who chose to keep her baby rather than aborting. These are all young girls whose lives have taken a dramatic turn. See if there is a group in your area. If they won’t let you in because of age, volunteer. They always need volunteers and you can still make friends. You have a bond all ready with these girls. Also, look for a mothers of preschoolers group. The name is deceiving but my group saved me with my first son. I was so lonely and cried everyday. I met my best friend there. I’m still apart of this group. It is a great sense of community and moms of all ages are welcome. I pray you find a group of moms to love on you.

      • Hattie says

        I am speechless… the support, the love! I will definitely be contacting a couple of you! I feel so understood and happy. I just can’t even express the relief in knowing I am not alone and there are things I can do to improve my state of mind. Thanks a million times for this blog post and for the wonderful comments. Totally made my week, month, year. (well, maybe not quite year). :)

        • April says

          You have no idea how much I needed to read this post.. right now, today, at the very moment I clicked the link. I bawled the entire time, thinking, how are so many living my same life?? I have tried to connect with other moms at the park, but I just am so introverted and everyone seems to either have their own click already like you said, or they are just plain weird! Thank you Hattie. My babies are my bff’s. I’m going to try harder to not forget that their love may be all I need right now :) please write me if your ever having another lonely day! (((HOLDING YOU)) HAHA

    • Sharon says

      Hi Hattie, I am an almost 60 year old woman who had her first unplanned child at 18 and her second at 22. Your post grabbed me. I felt like I lost my life, like you did. At 23 I was divorced with two kids, aged 5 and 1 and no child support and no means to take care of myself, much less two kids. I made it through by the grace of God, with help from my family. When my kids were in school, I went back to school and became a nurse and started a career. I have raised two wonderful kids who love me very much and I now have 2 more children (my kids spouses) AND three wonderful grandchildren. Was it hard? You bet cha! Was it worth it? Absolutely! Get out, go to the library, go to church, people will envelop you. Let them! Volunteer somewhere, just don’t ever give up! Life needs you and so do your children!

    • Oksana says

      HI Lonely Mamas,
      I have moved many times in my life and to other countries and felt lonely and not understood and not fitting in many times. enough times to now know it takes about a year to feel comfortable and find a few good friends and about two years to call it aI home. With kids, i would go to various playgrounds or indoor places and literally look for other Moms that seem like me with children around the same age. I then engage in a conversation about children and if it seems like we connect I tell them I just moved to the area and if I can meet again at the same playground. I find that sometimes finding good friends can be work, but very rewarding if you find the right one. and I find its easiest if kids are similar ages, easier to coordinate around dont be afraid to approach other Mamas,cause we all been there at some point. And if smb is rude, then they are not worth connecting. Wishinh you the best

    • Samantha says

      Don’t worry. There are a lot of us out there that feel this way. I’m 40 and my friends work, have older friends and are doing there own thing. I went on and found a group of 35 plus year old women. Try that site, you may find someone to connect with. Also look for a stroller strides group in your area. The cost is cheap and there are mom’s of all ages that come. The best part is you can bring your baby and it is no big deal if you have to stop to tend your little one. Just keep getting out there. I made myself do it and so glad I did. Remember, everyone’s journey into parenthood is different. I wanted to be a young mom.

    • says

      I’m 24, a first time mom. Two days ago I called my husband while in the playground – I was having a mini panic attack. “Babe, maybe we should move neighborhoods!”, “why” he asked… “Our nine month old want to interact with other babies and I can’t find them!! I just want it to be easier! I want to have mama friends with little people, sip a drink and let them do their thing!!!” Bottom line… I’m lonely and tired and think I’m failing because my baby doesn’t have baby friends… Why did all people my age develop an allergy to parenting and babies!! None of our friends seem to be remotely interested in having children! Thanks for this blog post!! It made me feel alone with a lot of other lonely moms!! xoxo
      Cayetana recently posted…The New Mango Boat…My Profile

    • says

      Fit4Mom pre/post natal fitness classes. You’ll find over 1,100 Stroller Strides locations all across America. Try to connect with one of these groups. It will change your life. I am a owner in Florida. The mother’s that I meet have inspired me. Go to to find the nearest class to you. Good luck!

      Sisterhood, through motherhood!

    • robin says

      I’m in the same boat. I love being home with my baby but its easy to resent the fact that I can’t get out a lot and people that you thought were your friends vanish and the ones who are your friends it’s a struggle to get together with

    • Sara says

      Hey, I’ve never read your blog before. I saw your Lonely Mama article via Facebook. Lots of my fb friends were sharing it and saying how they agree with what you wrote. I have felt what you wrote about, wanting friends and wanting to just go up to someone in the grocery store and ask them to be my friend. Except I actually do it, LOL. All the time. It is easier for me than most to just go out of my comfort zone and say “Hey, we are going to be friends, okay?” Anyway, I started something that I wanted to let you know about. It’s called, “Lonely Mama Party”… I invited all women on my FB page, and anyone who wants to spread the word to come to my house (Friday) night and hang out and have a girls night to get to know each other. Some of my FB friends said they live too far away and couldn’t make it (some in other states entirely) but they were going to take action and host a “Lonely Mama Party” as well.

      Here is the invite I wrote: If you’ve read the “Are you Lonely Mama” ( article and feel the same way she does… Here is your brave opportunity to COME MEET some women and have a FUN TIME! Even if you don’t feel this way and you think you have enough friends… COME MEET more! Get out of your comfort zone, or just show up, and we all will get each other out of our comfort zone and have a great night as women. There is no need to feel lonely when we all have each other and everyone seems to feel this way at least some point in their life. Don’t live your Motherhood/Womanhood Life alone- Let us Join Forces:) Even if you live an hour away — COME!! Prove to yourself you can do the uncomfortable :) All women invited. Bring a friend with you. Bring a stranger. Bring the girl you saw the other day that you thought would be nice to have as a friend. Then bring a food item that you are CRAVING that night or something you like to eat when you are ALONE and SHARE it with us all. Rise to the occasion and challenge and accept this invitation!:) You won’t regret it! RSVP so we know how big or small this might be to accommodate. Thanks!

      Anyway, just thought I’d let you know and show you what you have sparked! I’m trying to get everyone to ACT now :) Pass it along, or host one yourself if you’d like! Ours is this Friday and it will be a blast! Feel free to email me with any feedback:)

    • April Burgess says

      I am 35 and have a 16 month old and I never had children in my life plan regardless of my age. I can relate because my son is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to but in turn his birth has brought forward vast change. I have had to let go of any designs I had on my life pre baby and paint a new picture. As soon as I let go and started living in the moment (when my son was about 4 months) I became free. Not perfect and I still have struggles and bad days! My husband and I are in a city with great friends but no family and are in the process of relocating back to the UK where his family is which is great but I don’t have any Mum friends. I am nervous about the change but all I can say is here we go 1,2,3 Weeeee!!

    • Bonnie says

      I completely understand. I am a new mom at 11 years. I moved to a new place 2 years ago and still have no friends. I sit in my house with my daughter 24/7. I am very lonely.

    • amber rowley says

      wow, this must have been written with me in mind. My husband and I got into an argument the other day because he wanted to go out after work for a bit. I tried not to care, but in my head I was thinking “you know what? you’ve gone out twice all ready in less than a month. I haven’t been out with my girlfriends and no kids since August”. I admitted I was jealous, and he got mad at me. He told me that I should just go out. I tried to explain how hard it is to detach from your kids when you are with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not easy at all. Your whole life is wrapped up in them. How I feel guilty about leaving him alone with them, knowing how they’ve been acting all day. And how it’s not easy trying to get my friends to make time because they’re in the same boat. He can’t quite understand what I’m trying to explain.

    • Shannon says

      I know the feeling, it gets better. Find a different mom’s group, hang out in the kids section of the library or bookstore. This is as hard as it gets. When she goes to school you’ll have a pool of potential friends in her classmates parents.

    • Susan says


      I am you…except it is now 14 years later. 14 years- how is that even possible! I was 21 and in college with so many plans for my life. I wanted to travel, I wanted to live in a big city…I wanted and dreamed for so much…and then…I got pregnant. We were dating long distance and we loved each other, but a baby was not in my plans. I ended up getting married, moving to a new state and being a stay at home mom. I knew NO ONE. I loved my son, but I remember feeling soooo lonely and confused. How did this happen to ME? I was too young to fit in with the other moms that I met and I had nothing in common with the partying 20 somethings. Who was I?? And then I felt guilty because I wasn’t enjoying “the best days of my life”. I now have 3 beautiful children and a wonderful husband. It was a long, tough season in my life, but I am on the other side now. I truly believe now that God had a different plan for my life. There weren’t any “mistakes”. I just wish that I would have embraced this sooner. I have so many regrets. Mostly for not enjoying the hard season of having small kids. Wishing I had friends and being resentful towards those who did… Motherhood is lonely, but especially in your situation. But believe me, it will be gone in a blink of an eye. Enjoy even the lonely times because they will be gone soon. This is just a SEASON. I hope you feel encouraged to know that you are not alone. God has great plans for your life! Look up and know that he can fill your lonely heart :)

    • Nora says

      I am a 29 year old college graduate with 4 kiddos, whose hubby’s awesome 60+ hr per week job took us a thousand miles from either family. I used to judge these other moms that were ten years older and take MYSELF out of the mom’s group. It was me not accepting that I was a part of the group more than them rejecting me. I few kids and a few years later I realize that I have more in common with a mommy of any age than I have with a childless college friend the same age. It’s not about your age. It’s about your stage in life. Embrace it! Enjoy it! Don’t phone it in! You’ll be glad you did!

    • Sara says

      Where do you live Hattie? I’m lonely too. Maybe we’re close. I’m in San Francisco.

      • Hattie says

        I live in Milwaukee. I’m not sure we could be farther apart. :(

        • Rachel says

          Hi Hattie! I’m from Waukesha but now live in Alabama. Wish I were back home because I feel your pain. :(

    • Ellie says

      I love this article so much! Sometimes it is so hard being a mama and feeling so alone in it. Especially being young! Hattie, I can totally relate to you. I am 22 years old with a one year old and find I don’t fit in with any mom groups. It is hard. I wish I had someone to talk with about my mama struggles and just someone in a similar situation. None of my single baby-less friends understand many of the things I go through! But I suppose we just have to push through and keep trying to meet some other mamas!


    • Clint says

      Any other men read this and feel like crap? My wife linked this on Facebook. I get that women need female friends. It still left me feeling inept, worthless and lie I didn’t matter. As a concerned husband how can I help?

      • Sarah B says

        Hi Clint!
        First, I’m so sorry. My husband has expressed the same feelings to me and I am so sorry that you as a husband feel that way.

        I think my husband would tell you he feels the same way, and has felt the same way for the majority of our marriage. It’s hard, I realize, for a husband to hear his wife say “I’m lonely”. Uh, hello…I’m standing right here. We’re partners, teammates, roommates, lovers…how can you feel lonely when I am here? I imagine you, like my husband, are asking “What am I doing wrong? How am I not fulfilling you?”

        Part of how my husband feels is my own sin and our specific relationship/history/story. But, I think this feeling of ineptness in caring for your wife is common among husbands…at least, I can’t help but believe it is after hearing it from husband after husband after husband.

        1. I encourage you to dive headfirst into the Bible and how it exhorts husbands to love their wives like Jesus loves the church. My husband counsels young men who want to get married “are you ready to die for your wife on a daily basis?” Curtis (my husband, I’m tried of referring to him as his title lol) struggled with that for the majority of our marriage. He would tell older men counseling him “I wake up and fall on my sword and have to continue to do that over and over and over without it seeming like it makes a difference. It’s hard and it sucks and I don’t want to do it, until I look to Jesus and I say “Ok Lord, one more go around.” I think he still struggles against it but he sees now that it’s not a punishment….it’s not a prison sentence for the rest of his life, because that’s not where it stops. God didn’t design marriage for men to just continually sacrifice for the sake of their wives and thats it…because that’s not God’s relationship with us. God sacrificed Himself, took the full penalty of our sin, and rose again, thereby putting to death the consequences of our sin and redeeming us completely. So I encourage you that God designed marriage and your role in it as a redemptive role…you bring life and renewal to your marriage. You are the example of Jesus loving his church.

        2. The previous part is just an encouragement in general to how to love your wife as Christ loves the church. My husband has a book he loves that really helped him wrap his mind around it, I can tell you the title if you are interested. Now, I want to encourage you specifically in this issue of a lonely wife. There may be ways that you can help your wife in her loneliness, being intentional in your interactions with her, planning fun trips or outings together, consistent date nights, etc. But think back to when you were dating. She probably had several friends, social groups that she hung out with. This may have held true into the marriage too. Women are relational creatures. We thrive on relationships, no matter if we are really outgoing social butterflies or reserved and quiet. Not just relationships, but friendships with other women. It’s why women go to the bathroom together in groups and plan spa days together and play dates (oh man, play dates are my salvation right now).

        You love your wife. You are committed to her. You are intentional and loving in your interactions with her. She may still feel lonely. It’s not that you have missed something, that you are inept or anything like that. You just are not meant to fill that small part of her. She is supposed to long for female companionship and it’s ok when she does! It’s ok to feel lonely. You trying to fill that part of her is like a chef trying to be the host of a restaurant. It’s a small role, it’s relatively easy, and the chef basically knows what to do…but the chef is suited for, trained for, exceptional at preparing the food, designing the menu, managing the kitchen staff. That is a bigger, more important role in the restaurant and it would falter if the chef tried to greet guests and seat them appropriately. I think it is the same for the husband. Your role in your wife’s life is HUGE and no one else comes close to the importance you carry in her heart. But you’re not everything to your wife. And that’s ok.

        3. All of that being said, I as a wife can attest to my own sin in this area. Sometimes, I’m the one communicating to my husband that he isn’t good enough. Sometimes, I want female friends more than I want my husband. Sometimes, I let my loneliness consume me and withdraw from my husband into depression. So I say all this as encouragement to you and the way God designed marriage but also I want you to know that your wife is also responsible for how she feels.

        Sit down and talk to your wife. Share how reading this article made you feel, that you love her and want to help her. I didn’t know how my husband felt until he told me and I was surprised and saddened by it. Knowing how you feel, your wife is better able to love you in being honest about how she feels but also involving you in that so you aren’t on the outside looking in.

        I hope all that long rambling was helpful Clint!

        • Clint says

          Sarah thank you for your kind words.I would live to know the name of the book you mentioned. Things have gotten much better since I wrote t this and better still since reading your response. Even getting a response was very helpful. I Ann very glad you wrote this and that my wife posted it, it had helped us greatly. Thank you again.

          • Sarah says

            I’m glad I could encourage you and your wife! I’m speaking to myself and my husband too, everything I said are things we are trying to understand and take it to heart as well.

            The book my husband has read is called Discovering The Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair. I will warn you, it seems like an “it’s all the husbands fault” kind of book because it speaks only to the husband and doesn’t address a wife’s role at all. It’ll reference things a wife may do without referencing whether it is sinful or not. That is because this book is only speaking to husbands and is explaining how and why women think and act for you to love and serve her better as Christ loves and serves the church. So you, like my husband, may feel discouraged or beaten down in the first chapter or two. I encourage you to pause when you start to feel that way and pray for God to make things clear to you. Now that my husband has gotten all the way through it, I am amazed at how much more patient he is with me and most of all, how he understands better those things that I can’t or won’t put into words.

            You are already very aware of your wife and caring for her and your family, which is so huge. If that book helps you that’s great!

      • says

        How can a husband best help a mother with young children?

        It is very difficult when husbands works many hours just to get by and the mother is left alone all day and night with small children, weekends included.

        Staying home is noble but it ain’t easy. Little children are TONS OF WORK – and it is EXHAUSTING because it is 24/7. The work never ends. When you have babies – you NEED that extra pair of hands at home and that should be the dad!

        When dad is home from work, he needs to help the mother with their little children — he needs to come home at a reasonable time and help out. A father should not put work, his buddies or sports ahead of helping out his family at home.

        • Clint says

          Alina,I had to delete my first three responses to your post. It made some assumptions that just were not fair our accurate. I do not say this to elicit a response, or complain in any way, I simply wish to state facts. These are my choices that I gladly make for my wife and new son. I’m not into sports never have been, the closest I come to them it’s fishing, that said I haven’t been fishing in a month and a half. As far as work hours I have to work four tens in the summer I get up as early as I can and haven’t taken a lunch break since the last time I went fishing.I do this so I can get home all the sooner. Typically when I get home I wash my hands and then hold the boy until his next feeding. Sometimes I eat first or feed my fish. Typically after my wife and son are in bed then I work on the house if I have energy, I do laundry, take out the trash etc. Then if the boy cries in the night I’ll burp him so my wonderful wife can sleep. Sometimes my singing to him is the only thing that calms him and gets him to sleep. Most times I take him into the living room so his crying won’t keep her up, he has been sleeping much better of late so this hasn’t been happening as much lately.I must admit that sometimes I spend a few extra minutes in the bathroom to have some time to myself. I’ve tried cutting that down though. Before he was born I researched this, I talked with at least ten women to get a heads up as to what to expect and read all the for husbands section in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” -both paragraphs I was disappointed it was so short- and since finding this post I’ve studied even more. This is why I asked for help and felt so bad because at times my efforts only made it worse. Thank you for your thoughts and insight it has been taken on board. It is good to have these reminders, for that I am grateful.
          For the sake of clarification I was asking how do I help with her loneliness, and depression not how to help with our son. I cherish the time I get to spend with my wife and son. There was a time when I was all she needed when we were content to stay home and not see the world all weekend. Suddenly I’m not enough anymore, this makes Sarah’s comments so very valuable. Yours less so. So thanks for the reminder.

    • Colleen says

      Yes to all of this. To the original post as well as your comment. Just as you, with tears running I am relieved to know that I am not alone in feeling this way, not alone in this struggle.

    • alyssa says

      I read this and cried also. I’m going through a lot of what you are right now. Just graduated college last August and had my baby in march. Husband works 2nd shift at a prison in huntsville while we live in houston. He’s gone 6 days and home 3 days. It’s tough . I feel crazy sometimes and want to talk. Not baby talk but regular human English. I love my baby but It does get lonely when your too young to have anything in common with older mom’s with 2+ kids but too old or in a more mature situation than people your age

    • Asia says

      Yes, let’s be friends:) My name is Asia, and I have currently moved to China (my husband works here). I have never felt this way in my whole life. I so agree with you. I barely go to any playdates (I do sometimes, I suck it up for my son), because it has been such challenging time for me (my son has been ill, I can not find myself in this new country, new culture that is so different from anything I have ever known…I’m from Europe, my husband is American). It is mainly expat community where I live, but it seems like I’m the only one who struggles so much here ( as far as accepting this place…I know it’s not true, but it’s just how it feels from my prospective). Anyways, I get lonely too. I also feel like all the plans I had before are gone (deep down I know this isn’t true either…but I am so tired of fighting for my life – my professional life. Maybe I just need a break?). My husband is a pilot so he is not home that much. It helps knowing that there are other moms out there who feel the same way. Thank you.

    • Margaret says

      I am YOU too! Young, unplanned pregnancy never feeling like I quite fit in either with the moms who seem like they have it all planned out or my kid-less friends busy working on their careers or getting a master’s. I have my son that I adore but am so often SO so lonely. My loneliness breeds bitterness and resentment towards those I should love the most (my partner, my son). When I’m able to let go of everything I “should” be or be doing, I thoroughly enjoy myself. But the moment I log on to Facebook or have a run-in with an old acquaintance… well. I’m glad to know there are others like me out there. This page is totally bookmarked for my next breakdown :)

    • Jenny says

      YES…I’m lonely!! Thank you for helping me see the big picture. I now realise there are many years to fill with friends after my children their adolescence but only a few to enjoy before that time is here. It’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one that feels this way. :)

    • Mia says

      I’m in a compleately different space. I’m 35 married and I don’t plan on having kids.
      I moved to a new state 3 years ago and my husband and I work allot. I have medical issues and I spend most of my time affording that.
      I feel so lonely I don’t drink I don’t party and being in a childless demographic has compleately isolated me from identifying with my peers.
      So I guess I’m trying to say it’s comforting knowing we all are a little lonely. Not just the women without kids.

    • Sherie says

      Women can be and are lonely in all stages of life – even when surrounded my many people, and especially many little people. But that doesn’t mean this is okay!! Like was said above, there’s a REASON we have feelings of loneliness – we’re missing some social connection somewhere! But to ignore that feeling and say we’ll hold off until the kids or grown, or in a few years, or for some other situation to change is NOT the way to go. It’s like saying “I don’t need to feel love, or hear understanding, or validated in my feelings – not for a few years.” That’s crazy! And don’t think your kids are going to fill that void – you tell your four year-old you’re having a bad day and instead of putting his arm around you and asking you to explain, he looks at you blankely then asks why he can’t have another cookie. Not going to happen. We shouldn’t put off our emotional needs as women because we have children or are “too busy” for that. MAKE TIME – because you’ll be more patient, more kind, and happier – and you AND your kids deserve that! No more mommy-martyrs! Take a little time to connect to someone – phone call, late-evening out for icecream, walk to the park together. Usually it just takes something small to feel like you’re not just a cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing machine. Reach out to women around you in whatever situation and you’ll find you have so much in common, including loneliness – and fill that void for each other.

    • Marie says

      Hattie, I don’t know if I am leaving this comment in the correct place, or if you will even see it. I am in the EXACT same boat. I am a recent college grad, and I expectantly got pregnant. My husband works a lot, so he isn’t home all of the time. I don’t fit in with my “old friends” because they arent in the same stage of life as me. I am in graduate school, but my fellow classmates are all “college kids”. They all are making friends and hanging out outside of the school setting. I don’t fit in with other moms for the same reason as you. They are a bit older than me, multiple kids, etc. So, be my friend! That’s not creepy at all, haha.

  2. Lacy Jost says

    Thanks, Kristen. My husband and I talk about this often. We have a ten month old, so we just started this parenting journey. Oh what a journey it is! Of course our lives have changed dramatically since our little boy came into the world. I LOVE being a mommy, but I’m a pretty social chick so having to stay home most of the day every day is tough. Before we had Levi, a friend of ours said something about parenting (he has 3 kids) that pretty well sums this subject up. Darin mentioned that we were going to go play tennis and this friend said, “Hey, I remember when we used to talk about doing stuff and then go do it.” We get it now. :-)

    • says

      SO many things change when you have a baby. I remember telling Zach, “we’re not gonna be THOSE people.” and then we became those people and we were like…”Oh…yea…I guess they were right.” Hahaha.

  3. ashlie says

    yes. to all of it! my husband is my best friend and I tell him everything, but even he knows I need my time with girls, he’s always encouraging me to go out, but it’s so hard to get anyone together with crazy schedules (plus I only have like two friends, so it’s not like a huge pool to pick from!) thanks for making me feel normal for two minutes :) and the bit about this being the most sacred time in our lives, I totally agree, but it is hard to see sometimes and I appreciate the reminder!

  4. Christina says

    I needed this. Thank you. I’m the outsider in this small town we moved to and it’s so hard. The people here have known each other ALL THEIR LIVES. I’ve given up trying, but I shouldn’t. Thank you.

    • Sammi says

      This is me too. I’ve been in this small town seven years and have given up on fitting in.

  5. Gabrielle says

    Adam and I were talking last night about how he was excited for you to come stay with us because then I would have a friend. It was sweet. And also very sad lol my husband is pimping me out to anyone he can find because he’s afraid I don’t have friends.

    My issue is that I don’t want “friends,” I want a BEST friend. Someone who knows all my secrets, who makes fun of me when I’m being melodramatic, someone who walks in my house without knocking. I can make friends. But the relationships seem so empty. I’m just another friend to them. Someone else in that group text list to send a “hey girl!” mass message to. They don’t really care about me. That’s why I get lonely.

    • says

      I so get this! I don’t want just another friend to add to the countless others I “follow” on social media. I want someone who knows me, gets me, sees things in life that they want to share with me, calls me up in the middle of the night to tell me a stupid joke, kinda friend. Why is it so hard to find this, if everyone’s looking for the same thing?

      • Gabrielle says

        We were musing about this. I think it’s because all the women who want a really good friend like us aren’t interested in the endless small talk that actually gets you in contact with other women. They’re all sitting at the computer like “why don’t I have friends?” Haha. Maybe it’s my fault for not putting myself out there. I just don’t like going through the getting to know you phase where it’s all smiles and “me too!”s. I want someone to be real with me right off the bat. I like the friends you just click with.

    • says

      I’m SO excited to see you. I wish I was staying for longer. Or that we lived closer together. maybe one day??

      And YES to everything you’re all saying!! It’s HARD to get to the point in a friendship where you have the kind of relationship where you can call each other out and pull each other out of bed in the morning and know what the other one needs before they even say it. It’s worth the investment, for sure, but it takes soooo long to get there.

      • Raina says

        YES. My husband is military and we have an eight month old. I’m a bit of an introvert and I just don’t get small talk. We’ve lived here for a year and a half and my one friend is also military and is moving away this week. One friend.. That sounds lame but I’m not the type to have a big group of friends. Who has time for that? Anyway, now I’m like “Who will I call when I hit that ‘I NEED GIRL TIME’ point once a month?”. It’s hard, man. Especially when you’re away from the friends you grew up with. That movie, I Love You Man, seriously says it best. Finding friends is such a weird concept!

    • Allison says

      Oh, I so get the “best friend” thing. I have plenty of “friends”, but they aren’t people I can hang out with outside of the “group” atmosphere. I’m young, only have one child, and just feel like I don’t fit in. I’m terrible at small talk, and really want deep, real friendships! It feels so lonely. You hit the nail on the head.

    • natalie says

      yes! that is exactly how I feel! we moved about 4 years ago and I still haven’t found someone that I just connect with. lots of nice ladies but I still feel like an outsider.

  6. says

    Coming to you by way of A Mama Collective… Though I’m not a mama, or even a wife yet, I understand this battle cry! Though I’m not fraught with worries of tending to children’s needs or making sure that I have dinner on the table for a hungry husband, life is just as chaotic in my world of singledom. And because of that chaos and that of the lives of friends with children and with husbands, friendships suffer. We all battle the cry of a lonely heart and some win the battle better than others. Thank you for the reminder that I need to reach out, even if it’s a quick text at a stoplight or while I’m waiting for my drink at the coffee shop, to a dear friend whose company I miss. Thank you for the encouragement to seek other friendships, even if it’s easier and feels safer to bury my nose in my Facebook newsfeed! Wanna be friends? :)

    • says

      Hey Bree! Thanks so much for your perspective! Obviously we’re in totally different stages of life, but you’re absolutely right. We all experience loneliness and it’s so important that we try to understand each other’s hearts. YES. Let’s totally be friends!!

  7. Kim says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve got tears streaming down my face as I read this because I have been really struggling with the loneliness and isolation lately. I am a new stay-at-home mom with a 15 month old daughter. I live in a city with none of my comforting friends and family and my husband works long hours on a crazy rotating schedule. I quit my job a few months ago when I realized my first and only child was a year old and I missed so much bonding and precious moments of her first year. The friends I had made here were at that job and it’s hard to stay in contact with them without working together every day. Between the finances and the isolation from “grown up” interaction, I’ve been struggling to keep the depression at bay. You reminded me exactly why I made this choice and how precious time is. Its also good to know that other moms feel this and helps with that isolated feeling. So thank you for opening my eyes and touching my heart.

    • says

      Aww, kim…didn’t mean to make you cry!! I know this stage is really, really, difficult. I hope you can find some friends that will keep you company and give you the friendship you need!

  8. says

    Oh man, you’re such a truth-teller! It’s HARD to find new mom-friends, and I swear Facebook makes it a thousand times worse. Nothing like seeing all your local mom-friends hanging out together near your house and you weren’t invited :(
    Carolyn recently posted…“I Want Some Ice Cream, Please”My Profile

    • says

      Um. Jerks. Just sayin. That has happened to me so many times. It’s actually kind of embarrassing how often that has happened to me. I don’t get it. Let’s start our own group. Can you move to TN, please?

  9. Julia says

    Kristen, yes!
    I just had one of my college friends visit us and our new baby yesterday and it felt so weird. And it is the first socialization with anybody other than my husband and the nice people from our church who dropped off meals for us, since our little one was born. He’ll be 3 months in a few days! It is strange and definitely different to be in the Mom-club but not have any close friends who are moms. Of all my college friends I am the only one married, and the only one with a baby. It is definitely lonely and it is a new loneliness. We are moving at the end of July and I am really sad about having to make new friends. There are tons of young parents with small children and babies at our church now. It feels so hard to leave that community. But we wanted to be closer to grandma and grandpa 4 states away, so we think it’s worth it. But it will be very hard to find a community as amazing as our church community now and I am really scared about just being kind of aimless and drifting. You are so right… look for a moms group and just go. Just do it! Get involved, even though it’s uncomfortable.

    Thank you for writing this!!!

  10. Jill says

    Oh you young mommas!! how I wish I could give you a hug, make you a cup of tea, care for your little ones while you sit a spell. yes, enjoy this phase, and I say this as a mom of two grown and married sons. this is the only time your children will pefer you above all others. this is the only time they will be under your roof..and it goes by in the blink of eye.
    I hear you about small towns, and guesss what, even “old moms” are lonely. I was a stay at home mom, and I don’t regret that for a moment, and they I was caregiver to my parents and father in law, and I don’t regret those moments either. But now, my parents and father in law have passed, my sons do not live around us. it is very hardcore to find women in this season of their lives who also want more. I have a wonderful hubby who is my best friend, and my dearest girlfriend and I talk and text, but she lives away too. I will keep all of you in my prayers, and I ask only one thing of you, if you and your hubby’s still have parents, call them. today. You are the light of their lives, I know this, because I sat here this morning a cried from missing my son so very much, what I would give for one of his hugs! but..he is 10000 miles away…..

    • says

      Jill thank you so much for such heartfelt words! I wish you could come sip tea with me. I’d love it.

  11. Morgan says

    It’s so amazing, every time I read something you are saying exactly what I’m thinking at some point or another. I definitely get lonely. We just recently moves back to our old college town and I had to leave every one of my mommy friends behind. I was lonely then with a small group of friends I saw every now and then, but now I have no one who is going through the same things as me. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself.

    • says

      Ugh. That’s so hard, Morgan. Especially since you HAD a group of friends and now you don’t. HUGS. I hope you can make some connections soon.

  12. Samantha says

    Well I glad to hear that I am not the only mom that goes and walks around Target! Great post! I can totally relate!

  13. says

    Hi Kristin:
    I am in my 60’s and have just finished proofing my autobiography. While I was writing it, I found a journal I kept when I was in your situation. It had all my fears and frustrations about isolation and lack of stimulation, and also anger against men during the feminist uprising (Ha! It was an uprising.) My mother, who raised me alone for a short time while my father was overseas in WWII, felt the same way. if we’re anything to go by, every mother, no matter in which generation, goes through the same thing. Just know that you are not alone, have never been alone, and that God and thousands of other women are with you. Also, we are doing God’s work. What could be more important to our future than to raise good women and men?

    • says

      Thanks so much for sharing your perspective, Margot! Definitely doing God’s work. Absolutely!

  14. says

    I will say, I used to get this way honestly. When I was 24/7 stay at home mom mostly. I did the same thing…I couldn’t afford to shop every day but I found myself browsing :) lol. It allowed me to spend more time in The Word but it was still hard. It’s helped a little to start working 2 days a week…okay okay, it’s helped a LOT! I work for our church as media director so I get quite a bit of interaction now, but I guess I like this post so much because I once was there. Good post, and I’m glad you wrote it. A lot of mom’s can relate!
    Whitney recently posted…Friday’s Currents.My Profile

  15. says

    Seriously I felt like I was reading my own story. I moved to a new start with my husband when I was 7 months pregnant to a tiny town compared to my huge SoCal that I was born and raised in. A few weeks after having my son my husband was back and work and traveling most weeks,Maine for 3-4 days every week. I’ve been feeling like a single parent and being in a new state I’m still meeting people and I’ve felt SOOO ALONE. I literally have gotten out and just roamed around Target, thinking the very same things. Thank you for your honesty and sharing this. It helps knowing you’re not alone in this feeling and experience. Thank you!!

  16. Christina F says

    I’m that mom wandering around Target (and Kroger and Hobby Lobby and Chick-fil-A and maybe even the mall on a rainy day) and playing with my girls at the playground just hoping for an adult conversation or someone to talk to. The loneliness of motherhood didn’t hit me untilI moved away – as in Massachusetts to Texas – from my really good mom friends when I was 8 months pregnant with my second. I joined two moms groups immediately and met some other families at the neighborhood playground, but with two little ones it seems just somuch harder to make and keep plans, especially because husband travels for work and I am alone all week. No back-up when I’m tired or sick, no adult conversation at home at night, no one to give me a hug when I’ve had a rough day. But I still make the effort to get to know people in my new hometown and I’m getting there. Your stories always make me feel as though you’re writing MY story. Thank you.

    • says

      Katie thank you for writing that post on friendship! Really put things in place for me with friendships going on in my life!

  17. Christy says

    Hang in there young mamas. It does get easier but motherhood was designed to take the selfishness out of you. And it does that…. whether we are kicking and screaming or not. It can be lonely. Very lonely. It is hard. Very hard. BUT oh, so worth it! Treasure the moments, Yes, they are fleeting and far between but they are there. (My last one was literally a few days ago sitting on a kayak in a small lake with my 5 kiddos in tow. But I can’t tell you when the one before that one was.) I am looking at my beautiful teenagers (and little guys too…. my youngest is 3) and realizing how fast that time flies. Drop the Pinterest house off your radar. Play hooky from school for a day. Shred your lists. Create the memories with these little people that you and they will never forget. You will be so glad that you did and maybe, just maybe, you will find…. you are not so lonely after all.

    • Sarah Beth says

      Great encouraging comment Christy! Thank you!! My husband and I are newly (<2 years), on the mission field with our 6 month old daughter, and I can't even find someone who speaks my language. I feel like finding friends is taking a backseat to just figuring out how to live here — most of the time I'm just hoping for running water. I'm also the first of my friends in the US to get married, let alone have a baby. All of these transitions can be rather lonely. Your comment helps to remind me that this is all temporary, and as I learn the language and make new friends, I can treasure these times with my family, however hard these times may be.

      • Sarah Beth says

        Whoops. That should say “newly married (<2 years), …" :-)

      • says

        Sarah Beth, me too! Three years ago my husband and I traveled to teach and minister overseas (3 months into our marriage, yikes!!), not knowing the language well due to the timing, etc. A year later we had our son. Lots of transitions and lots of challenges! And many, many culture shocks :) haha! God put people in our path to do life with, but there was never anyone I could really share my heart with even among fellow English-speakers. I kept in touch with friends back home who had been in the mommy trenches for years but it didn’t always apply because they were home in Western culture and I was doing the thing in Asia :) So incredibly lonely but He was there and would bring one person to pour into and then another person. He knows why you’re there and who He wants to touch through you. We are now back in the States transitioning into American church ministry and there is still a brick wall no matter what while in suburbia but I feel the love of Christ. Whenever you feel completely alone, remember He’s created you for this and you completely fit with Him and His plan. We have a great cloud of witnesses as it says in Hebrews. Will be praying for you and know you’re NOT alone!!

    • Ava says

      Christy- that was one of the best parenting snippets I’ve ever read. Thankyou.

  18. says

    Thank you! I feel everything you said here…ESPECIALLY the Target dialogue! I’ve wanted to do that many times! I just moved here in December and some days just want to go have coffee or see a movie with a friend! This too shall pass, and all too quickly!

  19. melanie says

    I could have written this article word for word. I am a mom of 3 and the big 40 gets closer every year. Less then 2 years ago we moved to a small town in the Midwest and I have felt like a complete outsider ever since. Now mind you I have met some very nice moms “acquintances” thru my kiddos and have light hearted chats with them from time to time but nothing like the deep friendships and soul to soul late night talks I had with my closest girlfriends I had when I was growing up. My husband of course has been my best friend for almost 20 years but I can tell you a day does not go by when I don’t think about the great friends I had when I was in my young adulthood and it moves me to tears how much I miss those connections that will never be the same again. I moved from my home town when I got married in my young 20s and everything changed after that. I put my career first, lost touch with my best friends and then had the kiddos and now it is ALL about them and there is this hollow, empty feeling no matter how busy and how much love I receive from my husband and kids NEVER goes away. Thank you for writing this article it gave me a slight hope of peace that I am not the only one struggling with this.

  20. Steph m says

    Lol, I listen to talk radio all day to feel like I’m having a conversation with an adult. It’s based in Toronto and they talk about Toronto a LOT and I’m 2 hours away and don’t even care about most of it but yo: it’s grown-ups.

    That said, thanks for the encouragement. We have one car so I’m a little limited in where I can go and my husband is busy busy so I’m home with the kids a lot lately. The escaping thing, I want to do that. But…yeah. I am writing a high school course and it’s due in 3 weeks and I’m nowhere near done! How do wahms get anything worky done ever???????

    • says

      Hey at least Toronto is an awesome city!! It’s our favorite place to travel. We honeymooned there, anniversary-ed there…it’s awesome. Do you talk back to the radio, though? Cause that might be weird. :)

  21. George French says

    This is true for empty nest moms who move with their husband to new places as well. Everybody seems to have their own circle worked out and moving in is hard, in clubs, bars, churches, no matter where you try to connect. Someone has to open the circle from the inside. This is not possible from the outside.

  22. says

    It is a wonderful season, but especially hard for a young widow like myself. I have five children, two of which are moved out and three boys two of whom are autistic(aspergers). Lonely doesn’t begin to describe it…

  23. Linda Andrews says

    Love this!! Thanks! I love being home with my son. He is 4 1/2, with some special needs. But it does get terribly lonely and isolating. I’m an older mommy (50), so it’s often hard to connect with other moms. And then add my son’s sometimes difficult behavior, and we both have trouble making friends!

  24. says

    I am absolutely bawling through this! I was just having all of these feelings this weekend. I cannot thank you enough for posting this and letting me know that I am not alone.

  25. says

    I’m also in this stage right now. My situation is “odd” though. My husband is a Marine who received his discharge 2-years ago and suffers from PTSD & debilitating anxiety that nothing (meds, therapy etc) seems to help with. He is incapable of holding down a job, or of caring for our son, so we live with my parents and siblings.

    Because there are 7 adults in the house, there is no shortage of adult conversation, but also no shortage of drama. So in my case, I go to Walmart or Meijer to GET AWAY from the people. Weird huh?

    Also, in my case, it’s less about loneliness and more about resenting the fact I don’t have any time to work on my own projects (quilting, sewing in general, baking, cleaning, etc). However, what I cling to, and need to remind myself of nearly daily… is the bible verse stating that in all things there is a season. Also, one more thing… I think contentment is a learned skill. Those who are contented with where they are in their lives are much happier for it.

    Good luck! You’re not alone!!

    (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
    1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    2 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

    5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

    6 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

    7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

    8 a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

  26. alisha says

    I really needed to hear this. I feel sorry for myself when I have to leave places early to get the kids to bed, or just cant get out of the house to go sit with people for just an hour or I see other groups of moms hanging out together and I’m at home watching the same cartoon episode for the 30th time that day and rebuilding legos I’ve built 100 times. The truth is I don’t fit in very well anymore so then I find myself missing the comfort of being home with my kids and miss them quickly on the rare occasions I have made it out of my house.

  27. Kathie Seekircher says

    Please know that as a mom of four daughters — 22, 20, 16, and almost 9, you aren’t alone, as you can see from all the posts, but more importantly you MUST take care of yourselves. I say this from a woman who was lonely — and I homeschooled my daughters until they went to college at 16 and loved every single minute of it — but never turned toward my husband for help. Now, we live separate and are finding ourselves, separately. Never underestimate yourself or your needs. As many women have said to other moms, you are a better mom if you take care of yourself.

    Enjoy each stage — they do go fast. Take care of yourselves!

    All the best,
    PS (Who, while I miss my girlie girls, am not sorry — just wish I had figured it all out sooner. )

  28. Sydne Davies says

    I remember feeling that way. Now that I am an empty nester, being a mom of six children… I so miss the noise, the kids friends coming over. I miss the nights telling stories by the side of their beds, the late night movie night with popcorn, the sound of little feet tip toeing into my bedroom late at night “Mom are you there?” The water ballon fights in the backyard, lying on e trampoline looking at stars together late at night, the run to the sno cone place in the summer. And so much more.
    Mothers in the stage of life I find myself in today, kept telling me… This time will go by so fast you will long for those days that felt so lonely as a mother of small children. I couldn’t imagine it! But I am writing to tell you it is true! Now I suggest to you to enjoy this loneliness, embrace it as a stage, and don’t dwell on it as a prison or that life is passing you by, or you will be miserable all the time. If you are married… Date night is a must once a week. Don’t worry so much about the messes and laundry. Organize your self to daily accomplish a household task that requires deep cleaning, and then check that off as a major accomplishment and pat your self on the back. Throw the clutter in your life away, and keep life simple! You are doing the most important job in the world, you are amazing!

  29. Belinda Kendall says

    I was fortunate to have a group of moms with whom we hung out and pooled kids and raised them together. Later I met a young woman who introduced me to MOPS International and although my kids were grown I was glad to serve as the Mentor (older mom) and helped found the first one in our area! Since then about 10 have grown up! It is a great place to raise kids with a group of moms, compare parenting notes, learn from one another, encourage one another, laugh & cry together and share life. I highly recommend it.

  30. Maria says

    I’m a single mom of two and work 4/10s Friday thru Monday my days off are Tuesday-Thursday on my days off I don’t want to do anything but be at home and clean or relax I would enjoy friends visiting or being in a relationship but I don’t know if that will happen or when it always happens I go to my friends instead of my friends coming to my place on sometimes two do but to watch a show…. The article hit home thanks for speaking up

  31. Deb says

    Thank you for writing this. It’s not that I thought I was alone but ever since I had my daughter in 2012 and relocated the same year I just can’t seem to make friends. I work full time and I devote myself to my family when I’m home from work. We have a nanny for daytime care so I don’t get to meet daycare parents. And I’m just about to turn 45 nursing a 2 year old. My friends’ kids are much older or even out of the house and they’re in a much different place. I’ve tried meet up. I’ve tried badass Breastfeeder Nashville. I’ve tried walking our neighborhood with the stroller and being friendly with families at the park. So far nothing. Even when we exchange numbers they’re always busy (most are SAHMs) or just don’t get back to me. They’re young – I think they just like their own friends.

    No family for 650 miles. I have a great career, we have great family outings but I’m definitely lonely.

  32. danielle says

    This was soo beautifullyrics written! Definitely what I’ve been going through! :) I have to say it’s hard to find friends who get me. I can be outgoing, funny, a little inappropriate with jokes, I’m always late to everything. Lol. I have wanted to start a blog and haven’t figured out how to do it. It would help me put my life in perspective and hopefully help other mommies! Maybe it’s super easy and I over think everything. Lol. Anyways thank you for this.

  33. Amanda says

    Thank you for writing this article. It definitely spoke volumes to how I have been feeling. Although, it’s a bit lonelier considering I’m a single mom. If I’m not at work, I’m at home with my daughter. There is no time for friends, and I live somewhere that I haven’t made any real friends yet. It’s a nice reminder to know I’m not alone. We all get lonely, even if we are a single mother or part of a team.

  34. Valentina says

    So me!! I moved away from my family three years ago with my husband and our son, I was pregnant with out 2nd baby at the time. I didn’t want to move but my husband’s family kept telling it’s better and I’ll have more help here (IL) . That wasn’t true. It’s been three years and I’m just getting used to thing. I have no friends here I got jobs but I feel like no one wants to be my friend cause I have a busy life with two kids. There are no mom groups here where I live. I tried to hang out with husband’s sister but she had her own friends and I just don’t fit in, I’m not into drinking every weekend. The only person I hang out with his my husband’s mother! ! My husband works crazy hours and I only have one while day with him but we are we the kids. We don’t get to get out if we do its for two hours cause we have to pick up our kids cause no one will watch them over night. Now we are pregnant with our 3rd child (unplanned but we are happy….and scared) and I’m going to kiss my social life goodbye what’s left of it. Lol no for real no one will want to have three kids over their house!! Some days I site in our back yard watching my kids play and I just feel sad like I’m being punished cause no one what’s to hang out with me. My husband gets to be with his coworkers everyday and talk to adults why can’t I have that, when I get a job the coworkers just talk to me at work that’s it. I just want a friend :( haha I’m not crazy I promise. Just a lonely house wife.

  35. Bianca says

    You have NO idea how much I needed to read this post. Being a mother can be isolating. I’m also a mom group reject. Lately I’ve been keeping to myself because I don’t want to get hurt again.

    • Anne says

      I began reading this thread on a “facebook friend’s” page and darn it, I’m bawling my eyes out. I cannot believe how many other women are “out there” that have the same heart’s cry as myself! My story may be a little different than most of the posts on here, but the emotions are still the same. I started a family a little later than most, my daughter came at age 31 and my son three years later. Two months after my son was born, I was diagnosed with Stage IV terminal lung cancer. I was given the life expectancy of 4-6 months, but through aggressive treatment and equally aggressive prayer, I am 5 YEARS out from that horrible season, thank the Lord. It has been a hard road, cancer treatment can be awfully isolating. My illness was too hard on my children’s father and he strayed both sexually and into drugs/alcohol, so he is now an ex-husband. My daughter is nearly eight. My son is five and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I’m older than most of the mother’s of young children I know and its hard for me to connect with other mothers because my perspective is so different. I struggle with not only the usual contradictions of a mother(enjoying my children and yet longing for personal space) but also with the conflicted feelings of a cancer mom(wanting to revel in my children’s “baby years” and yearning to see them grow to young adults, feeling the need to “make the most of my time” with my children and struggling with the physically hard treatment times when I just feel BAD). Maintaining friendships as a mom is hard work, but its even harder to MAKE friends when you have an illness like cancer. Everyone feels sorry for you of course, their hearts go out to you. But its hard to relate to someone in my position, in fact people draw away often times. My relationships with my mother and my sisters have grown stronger, but it often feels more a one-sided friendship when I need their help so often when I’m ill. The Lord has taught me so much about grace through my illness. I can never repay the kindness and care my family and church family have shown me, nor the blessing of time He has given me. This season of loneliness has taught me to rely on God for my strength. Your stories have made me feel not so alone. I don’t wish this loneliness on others of course, but knowing others feel the same way, makes me feel like less of an outcast!

      • Diane says

        Anne, I love to hear survival stories, and you have an amazing one! You are a survivor and a warrior, but I know that being such a young survivor has its unique challenges. I work for a cancer organization and wanted to pass on some organizations for young cancer survivors that might be helpful. They offer support (some are one-on-one mentor programs and some are on-line.) The Ulman Cancer Fund for Young Adults (has mentor support)888-393-3863, Plant Cancer: (offers online forums and chat rooms; for ages 18-40). Stupid Cancer: (variety of offerings- not sure if it is geared toward very young survivors, but might be worth checking). The American Cancer Society’s 24 hour information line is a great way to find out about support groups and events in your area 800-227-2345. Volunteering for events or participating in a survivor event is a wonderful way to connect with others! Fight On!

    • Elizabeth says

      I totally understand Bianca. Before I got married one of my good friends stopped speaking to me. I found out later from another friend in our small group of four that she had been nurturing a “crush” on my then fiance for years and didn’t think our relationship would go anywhere. When we got engaged she couldn’t take it and just completely froze me out. It all seemed so petty and “high school” to me. I tried to repair things, but no matter what I did nothing helped the situation. Although I remained friends with the other two girls, it was never the same because I was left out of any group activities because the one person was very strong willed and did not want me there. I also worked with her and it was very awkward to see her every day without her so much as acknowledging me with a nod. Long story short–I had no female support leading up to my wedding. I planned the whole thing without any help. The happiest time in my life was bittersweet because it was also a very lonely time. After I got married it was very hard to make new friends. It didn’t help that I could no longer trust other women after this painful experience.

  36. Amy says

    ok so maybe you do feel lonely after all. It’s your personal feelings and i have no rights to judge otherwise.

    But for me, i’d much rather to be a stay home mom and feel lonely than being a working woman with no babies and feel lonely. How about be thankful that you CAN be a stay home mom and that you HAVE a baby? Cos I have neither and you can imagine how I feel.

    • Molly says

      Amy, I feel for you–it is so so so difficult to want a baby and not have one (for any reason) but you telling Kristen to appreciate what she has more is part of the problem. All moms hear this message: enjoy and be grateful what you have because there are others who can’t have it, treasure it, and never speak up about your feelings. But of course, being a mom is hard. It’s also wonderful and amazing, but that doesn’t negate the fact that it is also difficult and lonely. Telling us not to express all those feelings doesn’t just make them go away and it doesn’t make them any less valid.

      It isn’t a contest. You are obviously feeling lonely and hurt and longing for things that haven’t happened for you yet. But that doesn’t mean that Kristen isn’t allowed to feel lonely and frustrated and long for friends she can connect to. Telling her that your feelings trump hers doesn’t make it easier for any of us women to connect. We’re all guilty of it (I mean who hasn’t heard a friend say she’s busy and thought to yourself, “Girl, you don’t know what busy is!”), and it’s a habit we all need to break!

      It’s difficult to open and up and make yourself vulnerable to another woman about being a mom because I think we’re all a little terrified we’re doing it wrong or that the other woman will judge us for our shortcomings instead of encourage us in all the things we are doing right! But being able to be vulnerable is what helps us connect and form friendships. If more moms were bold enough to talk about their feelings and doubts it would make it easier for ALL moms and moms-to-be to open up. And that would make it easier for all of us to find mom and mom-to-be friends.

    • says

      Wow. Where do you get off? I believe she was expressing her feelings now. No where did she say she wasn’t thankful. Additionally, I’ve been where you are. I didn’t get married until I was 37 (and didn’t really date until 35…sad but true). I was a working woman with no children and no husband. Get this, I dealt with it and stopped being jealous of others who had what I wanted. I allowed those who did to gripe when needed. Because we all have circumstances others wish they had as well.

      When my husband and I married, we figured there was a chance we wouldn’t have children, based on my age. We accepted that possibility, but didn’t begrudge others who had children. I had 3 losses, but I didn’t gripe when they complained about changing a yucky diaper or needing to get away from an hour. I knew that they had circumstances I couldn’t grasp and a need to vent. Now I am a mom of 2 and just suffered a 4th loss. I have friends who are pregnant, but I don’t get upset at them for complaining about morning sickness. It is there reality.

      All you sound like is jealous, spiteful, and sad. Accept your circumstances and realize that we all need to vent no matter our situations.
      Denise G. recently posted…Sweet Saturday: Blueberry CobblerMy Profile

    • says

      Hey Amy. I understand where you’re coming from. The problem with reading one blog post, is that it doesn’t say everything about me or my story. What you just read was just one small aspect of my life. I struggled with infertility and my two boys are my biggest blessings. I’m thankful that I can stay at home, but I’m also a working mother. I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to write and do social media for a living and it’s amazing. But also difficult.

      Everyone has their own set of struggles and you can’t expect someone to see life from your own lens. None of our struggles are greater than the other’s. Just different. So much love to you! I hope you’re blessed with a little squish and that you can do everything you dream of doing!

  37. says

    Through every word my heart clenched just a little bit more. This is my life. My husband has a lot of friends who have pretty nice wives, bbut they already have their little click, and only talk when the husbands cook. I have 1 single kidless friend, so hanging out with her is def hard, I wish I had multiple friends to call or hangout with or just to talk to on a daily basis. I have hundreds of friends on facebook, but when it boils down to it im always alone. im an offshore wife so my husband is gone pretty much 95% of the time with limited time to socialize. He works 14 on and 7 off or sometimes 24 on 7 off and those 7 days hes actually home we stay so busy runnibg errands catching up on yard work theirs no time. I to am guilt of hanging around target and walmart. Im more lonely now with two kids and a husband than ive ever been.

    • says

      UGH. the mom clicks. I hate them. It’s like highschool all over again. But with more spit up.

  38. Paula says

    OH my! I am a 66 year old grandmother to 24… I think that’s the right count. This stabs you right in the heart. I am crying for all those lonely years, but more. I am crying for everyone who has to live with this, all Mothers, that is. Not to disillusion anyone, but once a Mother always a mother and the loneliness doesn’t really go away, the kids do. You wrote it perfectly.

  39. Sheryl Parker says

    I’m a first time mum at 44 and it’s just as lonely as an older mum as it is for a young mum. All my friends have had their children while I’m just starting. I used to be a social person too but not anymore. I would love to go to work for adult interaction except the job market is pretty tough at the moment and I would feel bad coming home to my daughter exhausted from work and not being able to play with her. I know it gets better, I’m just hoping my sanity stays around long enough.

  40. Ann says

    I didn’t read all the comments but it looks like all these ladies are in the same boat! (I’m pregnant no baby yet) what if someone makes a Facebook group for this blog/article where you guys can chat or share pictures. I’m part of an ancestors group where you have to be accepted (they allow everyone) but then can remove mean people because they always show up in groups. It’s a fun group where people share questions, rejoices, photos, and it might be a way for new lonely mamas to reconnect!! :) good luck everyone!

  41. Kelly says

    Thank you for this blog. I too thought I was the only lonely Mom. I too go out shopping in hopes of running into someone I know or offering help to someone in the store or just hearing a voice asking ME “What can I get for you”. Unlike most of the ladies commenting, I’m an older Mom, but I still face the “Younger” Mom syndrome. I didn’t have my son until I was 44 years old. God’s plan, not mine. Now he is going into 6th grade and it gets harder every year to find a friend to talk to or hang with because all the Mom’s I know are young with young families and really, who wants to hang out with a “old” woman of 57! LOL I have a wonderful best friend that lives two states away, but when loneliness really starts to bother me, I pack up my stuff and drive 6 hours to spend even just a weekend with her. Your blog isn’t going to help rid our loneliness, but it does put things in perspective, and reminds us that it’s just one chapter in our lives. There will be more chapters and they will be different and if we’re blessed they will be full of friends and grandchildren. In my opinion I am the luckiest Mom on earth, because even at 12 years old my son tells me literally 50 times a day “I love you Mom”. He’s a good boy, who doesn’t get into trouble, and he will still give me a kiss and a hug when I drop him at school. He’s my angel and he’s my lifesaver. I’m more than willing to give up whatever I need to until he doesn’t need me anymore. Then, that will be a whole new chapter of despair! LOL
    If anyone needs a friend to chit chat with, I will always find a time for a friend.

    • Cindy says

      Oh Kelly, I am so glad you wrote this. The house next door is being purchased by a couple who look to be in the same boat you are in — older, with a son who is about the same age as yours! You just gave me the encouragement I needed to reach out to this mom once they’ve moved in. We’ve lived in this small town for ten years, and it’s very, very difficult to make friends here, because everyone else has lived here forever and already have their circles of friends. I’m the same age as you, and my kids are grown, but I would still enjoy a friendship with someone around my own age, even if she is still raising a child, so I will make a point to go over and introduce myself to my new neighbor once they’ve moved in…

      • Kelly says

        Cindy, please do reach out to your neighbor. It is so hard starting out new in a new town. Especially a small town. It’s almost impossible for outsiders to break in to a circle of friends that is already established. Bake them some cookies and just welcome them with an open invitation to visit when they get settled. At least they will know they are welcome!

    • Kim says

      Kelly, sounds like you have a great son!! My daughter is 15 months old and I’m 41 (almost 42). We are actually hoping for baby no. 2 if it’s God’s plan. I live in a somewhat small town and making friends can be difficult, at any age really. But most of the people I’ve met in moms group are much younger and have 3 and 4 kids. Honestly, it’s just hard to start new friendships. I love my life and my husband/daughter but sometimes you just need other women and moms.

      • Kelly says

        Kim, thank you. I do have a beautiful son. Both inside and out. He is my every breath I breathe. I wish all parents could know the same relationship and love that I do. Maybe it would be a little nicer place to live. Prays for you that you get your wish for another baby. Aren’t they the most amazing thing that can happen to you? I found when trying to join Mom’s groups that the majority of them appear plastic. It’s not about the kids having fun, but about the financial status or bragging rights the parents feel they have for their child over another child. forget the groups, get to know a Mom or two of the classmates that are in your childs class. Especially the ones they are best friends with. Kids are usually good at picking out upstanding friends. My son made friends with one young man in kindergarten and they are still best friends today even though we moved 25 miles away and it’s been 6 years. His parents as well as my husband and I nurture their friendship and encourage time together for the two of them. I think they will be lifelong friends. We enjoy his parents as well. If your child is not in school yet, go to a park or some children’s functions that are going on around town and who knows, you may meet your best friend there. a real person…….

  42. erin says

    I do not have children.
    the feeling is the same,
    having children isn’t necessarily what isolates.

    • Kelly says

      That is so true Erin. My husband and I have talked about this a lot lately. It seems that people are just too busy with their lives to take the time to have friends and spend a little time with them. This world is spinning so fast the days are over before they start. It used to be there were block parties and bowling teams, and golf outings and baseball for fun in the summer. Its’ really a shame. No one ever died wishing they had worked more and no one at a funeral said what a gray person they were for not taking time out with family and friends. I don’t know what the answer is Erin, so all I do is try to be kind to all and spread the love. After all, to love each other is the reason we are on this earth.

    • Jessica says

      I agree completely with Erin. I am 33 and my husband is 46, and while we are perfectly content without children, I often wonder (at least a couple of times/week) if I would have more friends if I had children. My only (childless) friend had a baby last year, and I’ve only seen her once since then. She is the one who pulled away from me. I have other friends who have children (in fact, everyone I know my age has children), and they don’t have time or don’t seem to want to make time to hang out with the childless woman. My husband is my absolute best friend (and he has PLENTY of friends)…so is it just women that have this problem? I know I can’t be the only person craving human interaction.

    • says

      Definitely agree with you, Emily. And reading all of these comments and so many different stories.. man… we are a lonely species.

  43. says

    I totally needed this right now! Thanks for this beautifully written piece! I often feel that my age (21) makes it hard to find friends when most moms with little babies that I know are usually at least 5 years older than me. I’m always reminded that age doesn’t matter, but I think we all fall into the trap of finding something that separates us from the pack. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only “lonely” mom out there. Thanks SO much for sharing; it’s just what I needed today!

  44. Ashley says

    I could have written this word for word! Thank you! I felt this exact way being a military wife with 3 kids aged 3 and under! I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and created a neighborhood play group and it went from 2 people to almost 90 in just under 10 months! (Regular gatherings are about 15-20 women plus their kids!!!) God has really blessed me with some wonderful women who were feeling just like me and we’ve become a very tight knit group. Thank you for putting this into the perfect words! :)

  45. Kim says

    I became a new mom at 40, now 41 with a 15 month old daughter. We moved to the area shortly before having her and haven’t really established real relationships here. The few friends I’ve made don’t have children. It’s not that I don’t like friends without kids, I was one for 40 years! But I crave a relationship with women (or even just 1) that is a mom and knows what I’m going through, to share experiences, laughter, tears, joys and craziness of motherhood. I’ve tried mom groups and just started a new one. It usually seems like they are younger and with 3-4 kids. I blame myself too. I’m not great at making new friends. I’ve also done the Target thing and have seen other moms with their little ones. Now, I might look at them different and wonder if they are there for the same reason. “Hey, I’m lonely too”. We are all too worried about looking crazy by saying that, lol.
    Every single woman commenting has talked about loneliness at one point in her life. It’s ironic that we are all so lonely yet can’t find a way to truly connect.

    • Kelly says

      Wouldn’t that be great to be able to truly connect with people you know are feeling the same way you are.

  46. says

    Have you heard of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) or Meaningful Moms? These are organizations that are mostly held in churches where mothers of babies and preschoolers meet at least twice a month for breakfast, a craft, listen to a speaker cover topics of interest to moms. There are mornings at the park where mothers can visit while the little ones play. They might even have a monthly “Mom’s Night Out” where the moms go out together to a movie or dinner while the dads babysit. Make some phone calls and see if there is such an organization near you.

    • says

      Wow, this topic is overwhelming and is sooo real. I’d like to offer something because I want happiness for myself and for all of you. I found friendship and support through an organization called the Relief Society. It is a group of women that meet up every week, on Sundays. They even have class for your kids to go to while you are with the mothers. This is where you can meet friends and plan play dates. The Relief Society is supported by the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day Saints. To find the closest church, go to this website:,-77.077205&z=13&m=google.road.

      I’m not trying to advertise religion, I simply want you to know where you can go to meet lots of women. This is a worldwide organization and I am sure you will find a group nearby. Loneliness is a real enemy that I experience, too. But I get to relieve that pain through calling up friends in the Relief Society. I have made life-long friends and have support even when I travel to other countries.

      • says

        I am also part of the Relief Society, and I can truly say that this is one of the greatest groups of women that are all over the world. It is DEFINITELY worth looking into if you don’t want to be lonely!

  47. Ceri says

    It’s so hilarious to me when I read something you’ve written and think – I was just talking about this. But in this case, I WAS talking about this very same thing but only like a year ago. About a month ago, I shared with my best friend that moved away with her military family, that I was FINALLY making friends. Like ones I hang out with. Sure, for some, it’s our kids that brought us together (or at least initially) but for others, they feel like the real deal. And, for the most part, we’re doing a pretty decent job at setting up play dates so we can get together and chit chat while the kids play. Are we off duty when these happen? Not a chance! But, the kids are (mostly) entertained so that we can have somewhat grown up conversations.

    I, too, see these girl friend selfies that have all these playful remarks captioning them and think – WHY AREN’T THESE WOMEN WITH THEIR KIDS – DON’T THEY HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO THEIR FAMILIES (as if every woman is meant to be ball-and-chained to her kids until they move away…thinking lotus births for all – FORRRRR EVVVVV ERRRRR)But, I’m not jealous, per se. Just upset that they are being so irresponsible. Like, seriously did you leave your kids at daycare from the time you got off til the time it closed to catch happy hour… But then I think – dangit – why didn’t I think of that!

    And then there’s that whole issue of time. If it doesn’t revolve around the time my husband leaves for work and comes home in the evening (which also happens to be a bit more tricky for me right now with him living in GA through the week), I don’t commit to it. I feel like after he’s home, we are committed to spending time with the man who allows us to be together all day. (I’ve really got to start thinking I’m not necessarily a factor as long as I’m in the same bed that night – but again, I’ve got responsibilities to the house and am virtually a prisoner).

    But, I am SOOOOO incredibly happy right now. I’m bout to welcome my third child into the world. I finally have women I relate to on a more personal level (much different than those relationships in high school that were based on what car I drove, church attended, brands worn, etc…). Even with the absence of my one friend that moved, I have gained soooo many more thanks to some great communities that were just waiting for me to get wet: MOPS, Homeschool Group, Dance Class, Facebook, etc… and I’m so thankful.

    But here’s the kicker. I literally gave my brother a headache last night because I wouldn’t shut up. Yesterday, at toysrus, my kids stopped at this center aisle display of books where a 3yr old little girl was also browsing and the mom asked me a couple questions, I returned with a couple more. And, before we knew it, we’d killed 15 minutes just talking. I’m still not sure where her husband went. But, after we departed, my kids were very curious as to who that lady was. I just replied that she’s just another mama that was nice to talk to. And, by the time I got to my parents house for dinner, I had figured out what the deal was. If it was enough for my kids to ask why I had talked so much to this stranger, it was enough for me to think about post interrogation. So, I figured it out. I spend 90% if not more of my day speaking to 4 and 5 year olds. “No”, “Stop touching”, “Please clean up”, “Don’t do that”, “Could you please…”, “Time to eat”, “Let’s go…” are common place in my vocabulary. And, my outside of the home job is with the church children’s ministry – specifically the nursery and preK. So, same words, different kids. If I find another adult wanting to listen, I talk the flippin ears off. I probably should apologize for dominating the conversation but I can’t. I don’t breathe long enough to get an apology in. Maybe I should practice listening more than talking. But, that’s what I do already with my kids and husband. I don’t want to do it with other adults. And, trust me, I’m not the “center-of-attention” type but I have a lot to say when I’ve been imprisoned all day.

    That’s not really a fair word, imprisoned. I don’t mean it in a derogatory way. I love my cell. I volunteer any chance I get to help out in my kid’s classroom or church function. I really do have the biggest heart for kids. And, I really don’t miss my 9-to-5. I love that my husband feels more empowered now that I’m at home. Now that he’s the provider he’s dreamt of being. But, seriously, this girl has things to say (maybe I should start a blog) (pretty sure I’ve given enough here to justify it’s very own post). I use facebook sometimes that way I hate. I post a status that really has no value, but it allows me a space to type, release, be read, and done. I’ll even like my own status.

    I wish I could say my husband was my soundboard, but our conversations, held nightly at girls’ and his bedtime is dominated by the girls asking the same questions, telling the same stories and hanging up after “I love yous”. He happens to eat, sleep and breathe his fellow co-workers and they spend a good amount of time moaning and groaning about their situation on the job, so I’m sure he doesn’t want to share those stories again with me. But, I have stuff. I’m a woman after all.

    Am I lonely? Eh – hard to say. I don’t feel that way right now because I’m feeling uber-blessed to have “friends” that will text just to say “how are you” or comment to say “anything I can do to help with getting ready for baby”. But, I need more time. Time to blurt out whatever it is I’m thinking about instead of being interrupted by a boo boo or a disagreement or a toy snatch or a potty break.

    Nobody told me motherhood would be easy. And it’s a good thing. They may have woken up to slit tires or something. I don’t handle liars well. But, I accept the challenge. I want to be the best mom and wife first and foremost. I call my husband and mother my best friends. And everything else will either fall into place or I’ll start slinging them.

    Kristen, I really do love you. Please let’s be intentional about getting together more often. You have a way of getting me to think about things. I challenge myself to be more present with my kids thanks to you. I have even pulled back the reins on frivolous spending too. It’s great to find someone that inspires you. Thanks.

  48. kerrie says

    Story of my life… just without a husband or boyfriend.. So it can get really lonely sometimes… My two friends with babies have boyfriends so its tough… Some days I just randomly cry because I wish things were so different for my son and I. But he makes me the happiest person in the world at the same time.. Life

    • Jenn says

      Hi Kerrie, keep your chin up girl!! Your son will bring you so much happiness. Cherrish your moments together. I totally get the loneliness part also…life gets busy, sporting events, meal time, grocery shopping, cleaning, work…and very little down time. Most of the women on this site have at least a spouse who is at home (or at least occasionally home) being a single mum has that added twist to it! Being separated and the mother of two wonderful children is tricky to juggle sometimes. I hear where you are coming from :) Good luck to you!! Big hugs to you and all the women out there!!

  49. tracie says

    Non mamas get lonely too. Best time of my life was when I found a mama who needed me in her life. I took lunch over once a week for oh-so-long and ate it with her and her two babies at her home so she wouldn’t have to pack little ones up and trudge out. Watched her bring two more babies into this world. Was there for her if she needed help. Was the one she called when she miscarried. She was truly a best friend to me even though I was twice her age and newly divorced. I loved those four babies until the day they moved away and have been in mourning ever since. If you’re a lonely mama, don’t forget to look around for a lonely non-mama, too. We’re there and we’d love to help and be there for you, but we don’t want to be intrusive. Loneliness doesn’t strike only mamas. It is no respecter of person.

    • J says

      Tracie – thank you for saying this. I often have such a difficult time with these sorts of blog posts. It’s true…non-moms can be just as lonely…perhaps more so? There are non-moms who have been trying to become moms for a long time, and they feel just as isolated. They don’t fit it with their mom friends (they’re often told they don’t understand or that someday they’ll “get it”), and they struggle to fit in with their friends who don’t plan to have children. They hurt when moms have negative things to say about motherhood, because they would do anything to swap the pain they’re feeling for the struggles motherhood brings. They realize that being a mother is NOT easy, but they don’t want to hear that anymore. They don’t want to hear that motherhood is not for the faint of heart, or that you’ll lose friends becoming a mom. It is SO difficult to read things like this and have sympathy, but I know we are all in the life stages we are in to grow. So, moms, we understand that this is a tough stage…but know that there is often struggle in every stage of life. Don’t forget about the women who don’t have children – maybe they can’t. You may be looking longingly on the life of someone who would swap places with you in a heartbeat, and who doesn’t have a sweet pea to love on and be thankful for when loneliness strikes. I don’t mean this as an attack AT ALL – please don’t take it that way. Just a reminder…love to you all:)

  50. joleigh says

    Thank you!!! I was just fine with managing my wee brood (all 4 of ‘em aging 10mo-8yo) till I got on FB and noticed EVERYONE’S vaca and family fun-time pics. My hubs and are on year 2 of a major paycut for a job that’s gaining him the experience he needs to go along w/ the degree he’s earning. Read: late nights on overtime and studying, no time or money for leisure. Neither of my closest friends have kids, but they haven’t balked at having me and my brood over or trying to grab lunch just us (goes by way too fast and I have to make up time at work, but worth it). I’m much happier when I’m ‘offline’ except when I come across an article such as this. Prayers for everyone here!

  51. says

    I am soo glad i found you on my own journey. I m a mom of one and my husband is away and i m constantly moving between my in laws and my parents. Its been hard… its been new… i came across your blog while setting up my blog (my 2nd attempt since my baby) i just have to re quote what you wrote ” Loneliness breeds jealousy, and bitterness, and anger, and regret, and then guilt, and sleeplessness, grumpiness, impatience, grudges, depression, and on … and on … and on …” i havent felt at peace in a loong loong time. Really loved your post word to word! Xoxo

  52. MIke says

    Wow! I would have never known. What you wrote moved me. I’m a man in my early forty’s Iv’v never been married and I don’t have any children. this really opened my eyes to what women go through as mothers. It will help me better relate to what my wife may go through when I do marry and have children. Thank You. I spend a considerable amount of time alone as a writer. So I can empathize in a similar but very different way. I think most men have socially fulfilling work so they might not understand this situation. I imagine for the men the problem would be finding time alone with their children, alone with their wives, alone with their friends, or just alone by themselves too. When I choose too marry and have children I will have to consider the needs of my wife and children concerning time and how it’s spent. If that means sacrificing time alone or with friends, then so be it. It won’t be easy but it will be necessary for the consideration of their well being. The book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible says there is a time for every purpose under Heaven. So you’re correct in saying,”don’t let loneliness steal this season from you. It’s precious and it’s beautiful”. I conclude by saying, enjoy what you have while you have it during the time that you have it. Time really is our most precious commodity.

    • April says

      This world needs more men like you Mike! Always appreciate and support your wife! You will be treated like a King.. I promise!

    • says


      Thanks for sharing your heart, Mike. Maybe you’ll meet your lucky lady soon!!

  53. says

    Don’t give up! Your time is out there and so are your friends. My advice – as an “older” mom with a 5 and 10 year old – is always care out time for yourself. It doesn’t have to be an entire week, or even a full day – but find an hour or two each week where you can put your kiddos in someone else’s care and do something simply for yourself. It makes a world of difference. When our second was born my husband and I agreed to each give the other “a night” a week to themselves. On Tuesday after work he does whatever his heart desires, and on Thursday I do the same. It has worked out magically and I also can count on that Thursday night reprieve – solo or with my girlfriends. Hugs…

  54. says

    Ahh, I hate Facebook sometimes. It makes everyone look like they are living the perfect life. You don’t see the sadness, disappointments and tears. I go through so much jealously watching ladies get to be stay at home Mom’s while I’m stuck working 40 hours a week. But I have to remind myself that their life isn’t perfect either. And so many of us are lonely. Life is to fast paced. We need to slow down and enjoy family and friends before life passes us by!

  55. Angie says

    Hang in there girls – as a been there done that I remember all too well those feelings. Now as a mom of an 18 and 21 year olds I’d take those days back at a heartbeat! Yes they were long and lonely and at times I wanted to pull my hair out but it was part of being a mom and they needed you! Now they don’t need you let alone want to be with you! It’s a stage and it too will pass! Enjoy them – enjoy your time with them – the good, the bad and the ugly!

  56. cherbeau says

    it also hurts so much to find out that your husband is flirting with an office mate at this stage when you are truly lonely. 8 months pregnant, with a 2 year old toddler. and your husband decides this is the best time to flirt around. it’s more crushing to have truly no one to cling to.

    • Rachel says

      Praying for you, Cherbeau! That would just be so heart-wrenching. Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” This has pulled me through some very hard times, even when it may even feel like God has forsaken me. Keep reaching out to other women, find a prayer group, something so that you are not alone in this time. Much love….

  57. Veronica says

    I used to feel this way all the time. Still do on occasion, but in this season of my life I learned something important. It taught me to learn to like being me, to be confident in myself, to enjoy myself more, as a mom and as a person. I don’t need people like I thought I did, not because I don’t want to be around them, but because I like being with myself, at home, and with my kids. It was a great lesson!
    Thanks for this post. It’s a great one!

  58. Abi says

    I was just throwing an inside fit this week when all of my young sisters in law hung out without us a few times. I felt jealous of the time out, the connection, and bitter about being left out. Only mothers understand the absolute aloneness that comes with the job. It’s a beautiful, amazing, and honorable job, but lacks essential life giving properties at times; appreciation, socialization, uninterrupted thinking and communicating, and time. But I love being told not to let it steal my joy from this season. I’m almost 5 years into parenting 2 little girls, and I’m in a really tough phase of this season. We can’t be reminded enough to not let joy be stolen from this time in life.
    Thanks for writing this, and for everyone who is sharing it. There are a lot of mamas commiserating on this topic. It’s a beautiful thing seeing relation all around the world.
    Stay strong, mamas!

  59. J D says

    As the father of a special needs child I can tell you us dads (or at least me) are/feel just as lonely. The biggest problem I have is that it isn’t just a season but a lifetime. I love my daughter more than life itself and she definitely cannot help the situation she is in so when I start having the “wish I wasn’t here” thoughts, the guilt and depression are almost unbearable.

    • Sarah B says

      JD, this breaks my heart. It’s one thing for me to struggle through depression and loneliness but when my husband or other husbands express the same feelings I am just broken.

      I’d encourage you to share your feelings with your wife, because we as wives can love our husbands so much better when we know what they are experiencing. I also encourage you as I have encouraged mamas with special needs children, to find community that shares your life. There are autism groups and down syndrome groups and ADD groups…they may not be local, although I pray that you are able to find families you can see face to face, but they will hear your heart and understand.

      Finally, turn to Jesus. You are not under condemnation anymore, it’s ok to think “I wish I wasn’t here” because what you are experiencing is hard…SO HARD. If you just loved it, I think you might be crazy. But you don’t stay there, you tell God and you ask for help. Sometimes, all you can say is “help”. But that turning of your face towards Jesus is what sustains you.

  60. Nicole says

    Lonely?? OMG!! So freaking lonely, and resentful of being lonely. So lonely, I hate the WORD lonely!! I’m a single mom, so I have no one at home. I haven’t had a relationship in almost two years. I have a six year old in the process of diagnosis of psychological problems, I work, I go to school, I bust my butt, to come home and have her hate me, but not want to leave my said. She either loves me or hates me, but I can’t get a moment alone, (Not even in the bathroom) It’s so hard!! She is so high maintenance, and I am so at my end sometimes!! Not a whole lot of help, father not in the picture AT ALL, and not a lot of help from Gramma, so …. It’s all on me. Harder then hell sometimes. I love my daughter, and I wouldn’t change for the world, but man, sometimes I want to run away! Five minutes would be nice!! It’s hard to get out, between working two jobs, and school…. I hear, “It’s gonna be ok” or “you should do this” Really, why don’t you shut up, and baby sit for me for an hour so I can clean my messy house? Quit telling me what to do, and offer some REAL help. I actually left a church I had attended for YEARS for this very reason. After her father left, people wanted to tell me what to do, and how to handle my situation…. But not very many were of any real help…. so I left. Ridiculous!!
    Anyway, thank you for you post. I know it won’t go away any time soon. You say you want to be friends with someone with a female anatomy…. I want to be friends with someone with a male anatomy. LOL. :D

  61. Patricia E. says

    Thank you so much for writing this. It let’s me know I am not alone in feeling like this. I moved where I now live a little over 4 years ago and it seems no matter how hard I try, I just do not click with the woman here. There are the working women who can not understand why I chose to be a stay at home mom after working with my first child so I do not fit in there, then my oldest is very hyper and so people do not understand him. I just want a true friend who will not look down on me and judge me for not doing certain things everyone else does. For example, I do not drink for personal reasons and everyone I know doesso people think I am judging them for it. Now I’m rambling so I will just stop there.

  62. Rachel says

    I totally can relate to this. Now that my kids are a little older, it isn’t quite as bad. I do get out with friends from time to time, but I have found that I kind of have to make friendship time happen whenever and however it happens. Kind of “love the one you’re with!” If I’m working in my daughter’s classroom, I try to laugh and chat with other moms or the teacher. If I am at Bible study, I chat with the women next to me. I highly recommend that ALL lonely mamas join a mom’s prayer group and/or Bible study at a good church. The women’s ministry at my church has been an absolute life-saver year after year after year. All the time, new moms come in who are lonely and overwhelmed and we all love on each other and talk and cry and pray and hug. This is what we need! We are made for community together and with God. Cry out to Him and find other women who feel the same!

  63. says

    Wow! Thank you for this post. I felt like you spoke the feelings I hold in my heart. I had to step away from Facebook because seeing other ladies out having fun with each other was just too much for me to bear after moving to a new state last year. I am incredibly homesick, but have been trying to make new friends. I will keep pressing on and remembering that I have my own “troop” of friends right here at home. :)

  64. Jen B says

    So so true. Still, with grade-school kids, the hectic schedule interferes…or hubby’s long hours. I think this is like the oxymoron of marriage where we tend to choose a partner who has what we lack and vice versa, that we’re with “people” all day long and still feel so alone sometimes. And with them all in school, now it seems I choose between friends or getting my workout in, or between friend “fun” or sleep…or get grief from my kids for the few nights per month that I am not home for bedtime. Even now…

  65. Jenifer K says

    I too related to every word! Just last week I exclaimed how excited I was just to get to go to Target and “walk around aimlessly for an unspecified period of time” (the closest one is 5 hours away). I too had my kids “late” in life and find myself sometimes begging people to be my friend (quite literally) – while they look at me sideways wanting to run away from me and my 4 kids all four and under. Most moms with kids my age are all in their early twenties, my friends that are my age are mostly either single or have teenagers so it can be extremely lonely. I joke sometimes that I feel like a single parent because my hubby works long / shift schedule hours and never has a weekend where we can do things with other families. So comforting to see this “lifestyle” is really quite normal and so many of us feel the same way! Here’s to having the courage to approaching other Moms and making new friends! We’re not alone!

  66. says

    Same thing here. This is why I hate face book and even with the mommy groups I can’t really find friends so it is pretty depressing. No matter how much you tell yourself that you can get by without friends close by or how much you force yourself not to care it still hurts. Feels like high school all over again.

  67. Carol Gibson says

    I am a Great Grandmother who would love to have my children babies again. This age is can be lonely too.

  68. Amanda says

    Thank you for this! It was almost like you typed exactly how I feel. Some how over the years I have gotten to a point that I have no friends besides my husband. There are people I talk to on Facebook- but they all have their own close friends that they spend time with and I am not a part of their circle. I do things with my husband and kids and when I need time away from the kids/family I pretty much just go to Target and grab some Starbucks and walk around looking at everything. It helps me clear my mind and relaxes me- but it is also very lonely and depressing. I have no idea how to get friends but I have the hope that one day I will find others like me that can bond over everything.

  69. Jennifer says

    This is totally me too. However, I’m an older 1st time mom who has been trying to get pregnant for year, had a baby in the NICU the 1st 10 1/2 weeks of her life and pretty bad PPD. I tried the mommy group (admittantly only once) and felt uncomfortable because I’m older. Most of my friends have older kids, some are even adults. It’s totally hard for me to relate and I’ve never felt so fat, old and unattractive in my life. I love my sweet miracle baby girl more than anyone in the world and wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. However, it is lonely as my husband works 60+ hours a week and my immediate family live 4 hours away. His is in town and I love them dearly. It is just not the same.

  70. Charlotte says

    I’m an old Momma, remarried with a second family, I really thought this would be so different then the first time around. Now he left and I’m home with two wonderful daughters. They are amazing. I am so much more blessed than most – I have a successful business, my kids are well rounded and unique. Money isn’t an issue, you can always have more but we have enough. But I am so lonely. I cried when I read this. I don’t have anyone to talk to about all this. Thanks for letting me vent. Now I’m 48 and my kids are 25, 12 & 9 and I know i’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Its the scariest thing in my life.

    • Jenn says

      Charlotte… I understand where you are coming and it was heart wrenching to read your words about feeling like you will be alone for the rest of your life. Stay positive :) we have to believe that there is someone out there somewhere!! I, like you, just haven’t found him yet!

    • says

      I’m SO glad you posted the Charlotte! Loneliness can strike at any age, huh? Hoping that in the days and weeks to come you feel an outpouring of support and connection. With you in this!
      Alysa recently posted…Free Recipe Card PrintableMy Profile

      • April says

        Charlotte, I too am in my 40’s (41) and am on my second go round. My oldest are 21 & 22, both girls.. I raised them alone from babies on (their father was never around).. and started over 5 almost 6 years ago and now am a mom of 5 y/o girl and 4 y/o boy (man of my dreams!) I felt because I was older that things would be so different, and they are somewhat, I have a little more patience and experience.. but I am so lonely. Reading this entire post and all of the comments has left me bawling at the slap across my face of this reality. The father of my little people is a selfish person, which makes my situation more stressful, and I fear that I again, will be raising two more children without their father in the home. I’m so afraid as I sometimes wonder how in the hell I made it thru the first time alone, and so here I sit… low self esteem, friends pushed aside, and lonely. I pray for all of us that we find the strength to know we are beautiful and worthy. My children are my bff’s right now.. I know they cannot bear that burden forever.. but I will cherish this time with them… and for them .. I will smile thru my silent tears. Take care and thanks for sharing and allowing me to share as well :)

  71. Ashlee Morton says

    I can relate to this article and I too felt it tug on my heart strings especially since I’m a fairly recent widow (2yrs out) and my daughter and I moved to a new town to try and cope. I am that mom who checks her FB feed all the time and not only do I get jealous over the group of friends getting together but it also stings when I see the couple/family out doing things together. My daughter and I still travel to see family and friends as we only live about 4hrs from them but it is still so hard considering that I don’t really have any in our new location and we are still trying to figure out where things are and what there is to do even just for her and I. I’m glad others can relate but it still sucks that we have to feel it!

  72. Elizabeth says

    I feel the same way and I haven’t even had children yet! I did not get married until I was 28 and it seemed like none of my single friends wanted to bug me anymore and my married friends and I had drifted apart years ago (when THEY got married and started having kids!) After a few years of marriage it seemed that my only friends were my husband and my immediate family that lived in the area. I am now 31 and pregnant with my first. It feels like I am much older than other women having their first. I wish I had girl friends to help me prepare things and talk, but alas I have no one to share in my excitement! I totally understand. It seems like some women have no shortage of support and that can sometimes make you feel lonelier.

  73. Natalie says

    Thank you for posting this!!!! Not only because I’m in isolation at this present time, but because many people in my shoes need a kick in the butt to motivate them, just like you did for me :-) I’m a single Mom of twins, 3 years old, both with special needs. Granted, I couldn’t have kids on my own, so I had invitro fertilization by myself using a donor, because I was desperate to see if I was meant to be a Mommy (which I was, times TWO). I’ve never felt a single ounce of regret, jealousy, bitterness, anger, regret, nor guilt, but I have experienced the sleeplessness, grumpiness, impatience, grudges, depression, and on … and on … and on … After several brain surgeries, ear, & throat surgeries, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, sleep studies, mri’s, ct scans, abdominal ultrasounds, blood draws, neurology & neurosurgeon appointments, etc., I’ve really had my hands full with my two shorties, enough to feel as though I’ve lost many friends through it all, because I’ve simply had no time for them. I need & miss adult interaction very very very badly… But I will keep going, because I refuse to take any of their wonderful milestones for granted. I love being with them 24/7 because that, my fellow Mommies, is what we are meant to be!! It’s the biggest Blessing I could have ever asked God for. I live in North Idaho if anybody would like to come play with us, LOL!!

  74. MommaGreene says

    My sons are now 17, 15 and nearly 11…they hardly want me around…except to make my famous lunch sandwiches with brownies and chocolate milk, or to buy them new cleats and other various sports equipment. I refer to the years when they were all small and screaming, and sick and all consuming as the “crazy baby days” and I have survived it! There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will evolve into a new amazing woman that you didn’t even know existed! Your strength will amaze you – because you are wonder woman!!! HANG IN THERE…see the joy of motherhood for what is really is…the gift of a child who loves YOU more than anything in the universe and let that charge your days to raise amazing little human beings. You are in charge of your happiness.

  75. says

    What a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you for articulating this so well. I don’t feel alone at all when I read this.

  76. says

    I’m in a completely different place than you but I can confirm that when your kids are older you WILL long for these days. My only child is 25, a college graduate out on her own. I love having an adult child – we have a blast together – but I also wish she was 3 years old again because that was super fun too. My friends and I are all empty nesters and we get together often, sometimes spur of the moment. It used to be that we were busy running our kids to activities so our nights and weekends were all tied up, but now we all have a lot more time to spend together. There are pros and cons to every age and every stage. Enjoy each stage and make the most of every day – and know that you ARE NOT alone.

  77. Nichelle Stephens says

    I’m not lonely. I’m a mom of two under two years old, and my husband puts in an avg of 60 hours per week at work. I’m not lonely because I belong to MOMS club. There is something going on everyday and my son is never bored. I’m never bored. What a blessing it is to be part of this club!

  78. says

    Young moms, check out Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS)–see if there’s a group at a church near you. You’ll find great friendships and opportunities to get together.

  79. pianomom says

    As a wife of a pastor, I hear this all the time. It is a common need in the church and with young moms in general. Fellowship is a God-given need, so it is not sinful to cry out for it. However, let me encourage the moms (my age included… mid 40s) to get involved with their local church. Meet other ladies, make some friendships. Far too often, I hear someone saying they need friends, but they never make the effort to attend a ladies Bible study or fellowship event. If you need to, trade off babysitting with another mom. If you need help, speak to your pastors wife or another leader and let them know of your need, so they can assist you. Reach out for help. It is worth the extra effort. (in other words, be content with the plan of God if He wants you to stay home… and don’t pout, reach out!)

    • Zinger says

      Exactly!!! I am a mom of 5 kids, 6 years from top to bottom. I went thru the same feelings as most of these moms. I can say involvement in my church saved my sanity. Not because I became better friends with ladies in my church, but because I felt needed in a way I could control. There is Always someone who needs what we have to offer. Chaos still reigned at home, but stepping outside of my comfort zone and putting in the effort to serve others actually brought more peace (blessings) . So now I’ve learned that when I feel in the least control of my life and the loneliest, I seek opportunities to serve others. It has never failed me. I laugh because now that my children are 9-15 I see younger moms looking at me like I’ve got it all together. If they only knew I’m just better at faking it! Sometimes we have to quit being martyrs and be our own solution.

  80. Leasha says

    Thank you for writing this article. It totally touched home!

  81. Laura says

    Thank you for the “you’re not weird” reminder ;) We all need it in this “season”. I hadn’t looked at it that way, and truly you are spot on.
    I have a 1 and 3 yr old, been feeling the drift from my friends for a couple of years, especially when I stopped working. And I have a husband who’s been gone for work for the last three months! So I know lonely and self pity! And it sucks.
    Thankfully, I am involved with a wonderful church and go to moms’ groups. BUT we’re moving in a few months for my husbands work, to a town where we’ll know not a soul. So I’ll have to start all over. Finding a new church, new friends, it’s been lonely even to think about. However, I’ve decided now after reading this, finding new friends right off is not going to be the goal. The goal is going to be constantly reminding myself to enjoy these moments with my kids. And remember it’s going to be missed. To remember it’s “A Season”. I pray your words will stick in my brain and come back to me. Truly, I thank you.

  82. Marilou says

    2 things:
    1. Yes. To everything you said. We are new in our city, I left a bunch of excellent friends in our last city and I have been missing them a whole lot lately. I am very active in our church and have good friends there, but I not, in the words of Anne Shirley, “bosom friends.” I am pregnant with my fifth, so my life is pretty consumed with these wonderful kids I have, it is the life I chose, and I am almost always completely happy with it… but sometimes I just really want those established friendships back because I don’t have time to build up more meaningful ones now!
    2. 10 minute showers? That sounds luxurious right now!

  83. Sarah says

    This is something I didn’t anticipate when becoming a new mum. It’s becoming easier now that bub is more settled and I’m more confident in my role as mummy but, wow, what a tough time it can be when all you see is the inside of your house and one little person for days on end.

    I’m making an effort to keep connections with friends, family and work and cherish the time I have with my little man. He’s changing so quickly. I know I’ll miss this little bub I have when he grows bigger, older and independent. I’m sure his daddy feels the same way when he’s with him. I should consider myself the lucky one, being with him all day, while daddy has to wait until he finishes work.

  84. Debi says

    Enjoy these “lonely” years now. They slip away WAY too fast and then come the time when your babies are grown and don’t need you around as much. While you can look at them and smile at a job well done, knowing you have raised them to be strong, upstanding young adults, the loneliness at this point is so much different. You long for the days they would cling to you and wish for just one more day.

  85. Michelle says

    Definitely appreciate the here and the now. I never knew loneliness until my husband passed away, 9 days after my daughters 1st birthday and on my eldest sons 19th birthday :(

  86. says

    wow! So well written but I have to smirk at the comments! I’m an older mom. We started much later than many people and the only Mom groups I could find were the very young ones who LOOKED like they had their life together, had bodies to DIE FOR after having 1 or 2 babies and I was the one that didn’t fit in. For awhile we were new in town and I truly did try to make friends but it just didn’t happen. Apparently these mom groups are quite elusive.!
    I now have an 11 year old, almost 9 and a 6 year old. I’m well into the 4th decade of life but doing ok. Once they are in school, that helps. You’re kind of forced to make friends by being room mothers, chaperoning on field trips, doing the PTA (or PTO or whatever they’re calling it).
    Still wouldn’t give up my kids and loneliness for nothin…..My kids are my life and I do like to have fun with them. I especially like to embarrass my eldest by dancing to music in front of his friends while he stands and looks on in horror!
    Better times are comin!

    • says

      I had my first child at 31. Not that old, but yeah, I so do not fit in with pretty much every mom in my son’s kindergarten class. There was always a group of three of them who would band together, stand together when we stood by the door to pick our kids up in the afternoon. Remember, all these ladies had kids who were at least 5 or 6, and some had older kids too. They were talking about their ages one day, and the oldest one was 33. Yes, 33. She had her first kid before I even married (at 29). I am 37 today. I am not that old, but I felt it that day. No wonder they did not act like the wanted to associate with me. :\
      Stacey recently posted…On parenting a child whose special needs aren’t obviousMy Profile

  87. says

    This is so totally how I feel. I moved from California to Virginia 7 months ago and I know almost no one. Of the people I’ve met, all but 2 of them are exes of my husband (who grew up here). As you can imagine, that makes for awkward interactions. I’ve also got 5 children under 8, which makes me an oddity. Oh, and I homeschool them. And I’m a liberal free spirited daughter of a hippie in a highly conservative town in the South. This is the hardest time of my life and sometimes I feel like I’m barely hanging on. I need friends…

  88. Betti says

    I read this and cried. I am on the end of this stage of life. I long for the time my kids were small and needed me. I remember being lonely and just wanting to have friends again. I found friends at church who had kids the same age. We met at McDonald’s, a park, and each other’s houses. When we were together we took care of our children, talked, laughed and became close. Now, my children are all moved away. My friends and I are moving into the grandparent stage of life where we find ourselves busy with being there for our grown children and their new families. Loneliness knocks again. I saw one post who replied, be happy with yourself. Good advice. Savor moments. Seek friends who have kids the same age. This too shall pass. Enjoy!

  89. says

    Hi All,
    I totally agree with you. I think motherhood is amazing, beautiful, scary, challenging, and– lonely.
    I personally started working with a company called It Works. It gets me going, talking to people, chatting online about something I care about. I personally love being “Ava’s Mom”, but I do feel like I want to be much more than that. I am not writing here to pump my home based business- but maybe this is something that is perfect for this group of readers- if so, reach out to me on FB about joining my team. If not this, maybe there is something like it thats perfect for you! Do your homework ladies, its a big world out there ;)

  90. says

    I cried when I read this. It is so true, so how I feel. I can absolutely be a social butterfly, if given the chance, but I rarely get the chance. It really started thirteen years ago, when I moved from the area in which I grew up, left all my friends (my last semester of college), and moved three hours away. All I knew, all I was familiar with, my friends, my life, were gone. I moved in with my mom, helped in her cleaning business. Outside of church, I had limited social interaction. At church, I helped my grandma teach her Sunday School class, something I enjoyed, but it did not exactly allow me to get to know people my age (I was in my early 20s at the time). It was not until five years after I moved that I began talking with more people. My husband and I met in the choir room at church, and got married five months after we began dating; we are about to celebrate our eighth anniversary. When we got together, I inherited his friends. I say I have no friends on my own, and I get chastised for it. With rare exception (a lady whom I sat by when I was in the choir), none of the people we call our friends are ones I can call my own. I do no begrudge the fact that my husband and I share friends, because they are amazing people, but I do not have the connection with them that my husband does, since he’s known them longer. He can call one or more of them up and say “hey, do you want to go do lunch together?” and it doesn’t seem odd. If I do it, I feel like a fifth-wheel. I probably am not one, but I feel like it.

    I talk, a lot. People at church, even family members, have made snide remarks about how much I talk. It pisses me off and it hurts. You would think they would realize that ding-ding-ding, I am a stay-at-home-mom, I NEED to talk to someone. My husband keeps telling me to call people up, to make plans, but I cannot do it, again, because I feel like a fifth-wheel. Now that I am married and have my own kids, I can relate to more people at church, but they had their own lives, own set of friends because I came along, and as much fun as we have visiting at church or my boys’ birthday parties, I cannot see myself posting endless photos of us hanging out together at a restaurant or the movies or shopping, and yeah, that hurts. I hunger, I long, always have, for people to accept me, to like me, because frankly, I don’t always see myself as a likable person. I lost my identity, what I had, when I had kids. Odd as it seems, though, as much as I long to have a core group of friends, I feel like I abandon my husband and children if I even fancy the idea of calling someone up to try to have a lunch or dinner date. I’m torn. I want friends, I NEED friends, but I feel obliged to be there for my family. It does indeed make for a lonely mom.
    Stacey recently posted…On parenting a child whose special needs aren’t obviousMy Profile

    • says

      Hi! This is me! This is exactly how I feel.

      The people at church are very welcoming and caring. However, I don’t really feel the connection. My husband has known them since the day he was born and whenever they meet they go on and on about things I don’t have a clue (and I’m not interested). I know I am capable of sincere friendship but I think I suffer from social phobia or something.

      Everyday, I dream of having fun with friends, chatting over coffee, discussing similar interests, not having to be on guard…I wonder whether I would ever get to live my dream for where I live the prospects seem very, very low.

  91. Virginia Werner says

    Ladies – I just created a group called Target Online Friends – since many of you wander Target looking for someone to talk to LOL – come join the group :) maybe we can find someone in your area and if not – at least you have someone to chat with online

  92. Joy says

    Oh my goodness. I love this. I am a “mom’s group reject” like some of you were saying. The moms in my town are either stay at home moms or work very little. I am in a firefighter paramedic internship and work 48 hrs/week. I spend 24 hrs at work and then have 2 days to spend with my kids. I love it but ither people don’t get it. While other moms are walking through the park I am doing push ups with my daughter on my back to try to pass the physical in a male-dominated profession. I wish I could find friends who understood-mostly understood how much I love my kids even though I am not a stay at home mom.

    • says

      I understand you, Momma! I am to a emt basic. Our shifts here are 48 hrs with 4 days off. Although I havent did it the last few months, it was never easy to make friends at the station, either they were much older than I or just came to work hurried through their shifts with barely any conversation and went home. It gets very lonely.

  93. says

    I definitely could have written this. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and encouraging the rest of us that are deep in the trenches of mommyhood. Wonderful post that I’m just about to share with all my friends!
    Anna @ CrazyCatholicMama recently posted…Baby StepsMy Profile

  94. Melissa says

    Holy sh*t. I somehow get the feeling you were here staring in my window this past weekend. I had an exceedingly rare couple of days BY MYSELF. My house getting ready to be sold, kids away at grand parents, husband out of town for work. I found myself driving around in circles looking for something to do, someone to talk to. I have few friends as it is and now we are getting ready to move across the country and I am TERRIFIED. How on earth will I meet people I LIKE? Will they even have the time or desire to speak to me? What can I possibly have to offer anyone to whom I am not a wife or mother?
    THANK YOU for writing this. It will give me courage in the coming months to, hopefully, connect with someone who feels this exact same way. I see now that I am not the only one.

  95. says

    I am lonely, but a different kind. Yes this is a season, and your children will grow up too fast. I am the proud mother of Ryan, 8 years old, forever. Zachary who is 4 and Emily who is 3. My loneliness will never go away. Yes I have other children, and they help with the loss of their brother. But I had dreams for all of my children. Cancer was not in any of our dreams, but it did come into our life. My oldest son will always be 8. And the loneliness of not having him is brutal. Be happy for your loneliness, and be happy that you will be there for your children when they hit that loneliness stage. Many blessings upon you and yours.

    • says

      I’ll keep you in my prayers Anita, my heart breaks for you. My God cover you and hold you close

  96. says

    Thanks for writing about this Kristen! I’ve been sharing about erasing loneliness on my blog too. This message is SO needed. Love the charge you give to step out of comfort zones and be intentional about forming friendships.

    Also, I’m not a mom but want to share a little encouragement with those of you who are. Loneliness is no respecter of persons. I think it can hit any one of us at any time, in a variety of life seasons. It’s so enticing to want to connect with someone just like you. I’ve been there and was left lonely because of it. When I started to reach out to people of all ages in my new town (kids, teens, adults, elderly), not just young-married-20-somethings, beautiful connections formed!

    I’d be willing to bet at least one of your neighbors is longing for authentic friendship. They’re waiting to know you. Maybe they’re not a young mom, but they need you just the same. A widow perhaps? Or a teen who’s parents always work late and could use some company? Or an older couple whose kids have moved away and are searching for a sense of renewed family? Maybe they won’t completely understand your frustration over a certain motherhood struggle, but I’d be willing to bet they’d respond with compassion, empathy, and connection just the same.

    And seriously – if any of my mommy friends invited me over I’d be there in a heartbeat to whip them up a cup of tea and hold the baby while they took a shower. Often I’ll hear, “Oh I don’t want to be a burden,” or, “Oh but the house is a mess.” Erase those mantras. We’re here for you.
    Alysa recently posted…Free Recipe Card PrintableMy Profile

    • says

      Thank-you for being the kind of person with an understanding heart, even for those situations you aren’t in yourself. I wish more people were like you!! I have a few friends in different situations than mine (students, grandparents, newly marrieds, longtime marrieds with no kids, etc.) and I am SO appreciative of their love and listening ears.

      It still is quite lonely, I must admit, as they often are out when I can’t be, and when I cancel because one of my kiddos is sick they don’t always understand, and when I’m at home with the kids during the day they’re frequently at work or school…but when we do manage to align the stars and get together, it is incredibly uplifting, and (hopefully) to all of us.
      Iryssa recently posted…Take Time for RainbowsMy Profile

  97. Mommathree says

    I can relate to this. I’m a late life mom married to a man who just went into ministry. I’ve moved to a small town where everyone is related to each other. I DO get sad when I see pictures of the women in my churches all hanging out together. There are other things but it stings – a lot. But I’ve vowed that I need to worry about my stuff and not so much them. Thank you for trying to be encouraging.

  98. Kimberly says

    This is so true. We spend so much time online searching everyone’s post and photos, chatting or texting. Not so much time getting out and having fun with real people.

  99. Miranda says

    Or maybe you should just be grateful that you were able to bear children in the first place when there are so many people who can’t.

  100. Carrie says

    I read this and think how opposite I am from this. I get up everyday to go to work to provide for my son as I am a single mother. I would give anything to hang out with him during the day to play in the sandbox or pretend garbage man. I would love to be there to teach him and learn with him. I sit instead in my office dealing with work drama, having those “adult” conversations, while my son is off in day care. I spent so much time and engery to climb the corporate ladder, which all changed when I was blessed with my son. Ever since my son has been born, the corporate world and the all about me mentality (not saying that any of you have this) is no longer a desire of mine. I want to spend time where it counts – I guess you always want what you don’t have. Don’t get me wrong though, I do agree you need to have more than just kid conversations and family friendships, but don’t put too much negativity into what you do day in and day out. As a stay at home mom you have the best seat in your kids lives that some parents will never have.

    • Sarah B says

      It is interesting isn’t it when women from different lives can say “really? I’d love to be in your shoes”

      I have the unique privilege of straddling the fence. I work part time because I have to in order to provide for our family so I can relate to your desire to be with your son and not miss anything…I hate all the time away from him, although I am grateful I am able to provide in a part time capacity and not have to work full time. But I also have some days as a SAHM and have experienced that intense loneliness.

      It’s good to share feelings with other people. It’s good for us to hear others say “ya, totally.” when we share where we’re at. But you are right that we also need perspective sometimes. It’s good to recognize loneliness in our hearts but you don’t want to sit in it and let it consume you. I experience guilt a lot of time for the time I spend away from my son, and in the same way it is good to recognize “I feel guilty” but I don’t let it send me into depression or keep me in chains…I put it at the feet of Jesus just like I do my loneliness or any other feelings I have.

      Thanks for the reminder that there are all types of mamas :)

  101. JanieC says

    I guess some people will always find something to complain about. You have a healthy family and a good life and you cry about loneliness? Try being the only woman in your family who doesn’t have kids because she can’t and being ignored by all the other women because “you’re not a mother, you wouldn’t understand/be comfortable/fit in”. That’s loneliness. Think of all the people in nursing homes who never get a visitor. Those who go through life alone due to having no family. Those lying in hospitals. Shut ins, those in war-torn countries who must hide to stay safe. THAT’S loneliness. What you’re experiencing is not loneliness. You chose to have kids, and sometimes that choice means you’re going to be stressed or frustrated. Count your blessings and deal with it.

    • Susan says

      Janice, believe it or not, mothers are still allowed to feel lonely. Real loneliness. Marriage and babies are NOT the be all end all of happiness. I assure you if you spent every second of every day doing little else but caring for a toddler you would feel lonely too. To say “What you are experiencing is not loneliness” is quite frankly a very ignorant comment. You have no idea.

    • Iryssa says

      Just because someone has something you don’t have doesn’t mean their life is perfect. What you’re saying is “your pain is illegitimate because MY pain is worse than yours.” I’m sure it is lonely in your situation too, but that doesn’t mean no one else is lonely. A person can be in a room full of people–even family–and still feel alone. Children certainly don’t fill the void of adult relationships, let me tell you, and NOR ARE THEY MEANT TO. And the “mom club” phenomenon? Many of us moms are excluded from that club too, because we parent differently, or we don’t cloth diaper, or we DO cloth diaper, or because we’re younger or older than the other moms around us, or any number of reasons. I am sorry your family is excluding you because you can’t have kids. Have you tried expressing those feelings to them? They may not realize they’re doing it.

      EVERYONE has pain. I should think the fact that there are 188 comments on this post, most of them saying, “I’ve felt the same” would be enough to prove that this is not just some person complaining for nothing. This is sharing a common experience. This is sharing one another’s burdens. REAL burdens.

      I hope you can find someone to share your burdens with, but just realize that just because your burden is different and a heavy one at that, doesn’t mean that no one else’s burden is real. Remember that people may look like they have it all together, or that they have a perfect life, but without being in their shoes you can’t possibly know what pain they’re facing. As someone once said, “be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

    • Sarah B says

      Janice, no matter what someone is feeling that feeling is real. It is hurtful and demeaning to trivialize someone’s struggle or pain because you have judged it not worthy of mention.

      The things you mentioned are painful things and hard and difficult and definitely examples of loneliness. That does not negate the pain in other people’s lives.

      Maybe there is perspective that needs to happen or maybe a feeling is the result of sin. But the feeling is real and so please don’t ever tell someone not to feel something because you don’t think they have the right. Instead, listen to how they feel and try to understand. Maybe after you have entered into that place with them, you will be able to share your experiences in a way that helps bring clarity to their situation.

  102. Susan says

    I just found your blog today after a fried of mine posted this post on Facebook. I really needed this today! After 10 years working as a nurse, I am now a SAHM to my one year old. I love him more than life itself, but as an introvert in a city that is not home, I am so lonely sometimes. I can totally relate to having a bunch of “friends” but no one you actually feel close to. I don’t know how or if you’d even want to do this, but it would be awesome if someone could facilitate a way for some of us in the same boat to “meet”.

    Thanks so much for writing this – I also just read the “They Were Mine First” post and it also brought tears to my eyes. Oh how I worry about my little boy. I look forward to following your blog.

  103. dkj says

    We have moved twice in the past 5 years – 6 months ago we moved to TN. It is hard being new. And the longer we are new the harder it feels. Everyone is real friendly the first time and then it dwindles and now I am just an awkward stranger at best, but I feel like an intruder. I am coming to terms with my loneliness – and what to say when the folks from home ask how I am doing here, but I can’t bear the loneliness my children are experiencing. We have joined groups and activities, but they yearn for free play with other kids. I want to say to other moms, “please, you don’t have to be my friend, can’t the kids just play!” And there is the famous response to “Let’s have a play date” of “Yeah, we should do that” that I’ve learned means no.

  104. Alyson says

    Wow! You spoke right to my heart! It’s a real eye opener when you put it into words like that. It’s like you were talking right to me. Thank you so much. Hopefully this will help know that I’m not the other one put there who feels lonely. I’m a shy person and it’s hard to make ‘new’ mommy friends. None of my close friends have kids, or even married!! Thank you again!!

  105. says

    That was beautiful! And I can totally relate! As someone who wanted to stay home with my kids. ..and finally being able to do so, I realize that I was not prepared for the loneliness. I also had finally gotten settled and then we moved. So now I am in the mom of a toddler-new to town- desperately need friends- boat. I know it is just a season and that I have already made some friends that could potentially become great friends. ….. But that doesn’t change how I feel every other day. Thank you for writing this; you took the words right ou r of my mouth.

  106. Amber says

    This. Is. My. Life. Right now. Today was a hard day. I spent most of it feeling so sorry for myself. Lonely. We are in a new city for my husband’s work for three months. With two small children, we are crammed in a small apartment, and I am homesick. It’s making the lonely feeling worse. I’ve seen this floating around on my feeds the last several days, but only read it tonight. Wow. That last paragraph resonated with me so very much. Thank you for this post. It encouraged me so very much. <3

  107. Christine says

    Ah, I have had ups and downs with loneliness. I have been here lately, quite a bit. I have three children; ages 6, 4, and 2. I home-school and SAH. I’m 6 weeks from having baby #4. My husband has been working 2nd shift for quite some time. But to top of the normal loneliness, today I found myself “researching” how to be a single mom with 4 young children…while taking a break from trying to find a new place to live before I find myself homeless at the end of the month. I found myself thinking that if I felt abandoned now or before, how much more loneliness is in store for me…*sigh* this too shall pass.
    As for the “lonely or not” debate I see people commenting about. Lonely is lonely. It comes with no scale, no set dosage amounts, nor right or wrong on how to be or become lonely. There is nothing wrong with being lonely with an abundance of children, or none at all. Being lonely when stacked against a pile of friends and relatives or none at all.
    It just is what it is. In my heart I know I’m lonely, you’re lonely…everyone is or can be lonely, no matter how they get to that state. I see no reason for shaming people because their experience of loneliness doesn’t fit a picture of what you/society/another person may see as what should qualify as lonely or “more lonely”.
    I just hope we can all find an outlet, whatever that means for us and our personal isolations.

  108. says

    This is a beautiful post. It’s so easy to forget that this is temporary and that there are reasons to savor the now, even through the loneliness. That said, I don’t know if I’d enjoy the journey as much without my “mom tribe” – they keep me sane! I wanted other people to have that same resource so I got together with some of my mom friends and we created It’s not the perfect solution (yet, we’re still growing) but it’s a way to reach out even for shy mamas like me.

  109. Chirp chirp says


    But then there’s the single moms that don’t have time to feel lonely!

  110. Donna says

    At this point even having a husband a couple hours a day would be an improvement…being a single mom with not even another adult in the house is very isolating…especially considering you don’t fit in anywhere…not with the single crowd and not with the married crowd.

  111. Mary says

    “grasped my heart and stole my peace” Am I supposed to understand this jargon?

  112. says

    Oh how I remember those days! My little ones are no longer little…two of them are adults. (Time flies!) There are definitely seasons of loneliness in mommyhood. It was particularly lonely during the early years and again when they were teenagers. Your wisdom is spot on. Excellent post.
    Yvonne recently posted…Teach Me Tuesday: Dictation 101My Profile

  113. says

    This post spoke to me so much and I am in awe over how many people have responded with their stories.
    The other major issue besides finding it hard to connect with other women in this day and age and period in our
    lives is how Facebook makes us feel like crap a lot of the time. In my town women love to get dressed up
    and go out and then post pictures of themselves on FB. To me,
    it is simply a brag fest, and it is hurtful to see people who I think are my friends out with other people
    and not inviting me. Or I get upset when I see my children weren’t invited to a birthday party.
    I am working hard to let these things go and to just focus on a few
    true friends. I have been in the mom’s “in crowd” and got very hurt
    by caddy drama. I am now focusing on volunteer work, writing a book, staying balanced, reading, painting–
    things that make me happy outside of mommy time. I seek true, deep connections and those are usually going
    to be way less than the “friends” to go and have dinner with and empty conversations.
    I just started a Get Inspired book club and have met a couple of great women I hope to get
    to know better. I’m in South FL. Just know that we are not alone and many of us feel lonely or unconnected.

  114. says

    Husbands need to read this as well. It is just as important for us to support our wives in these times as it is for them to stay strong. Yes, I work 50-60 hours a week. Yes I am active in ministry as well which takes time. But I must find ways to make enjoyable and uplifting time with my family – to sacrifice that “me” time in exchange for family time and time spent having conversations with my wife that are sophisticated conversations, not whether a worm can drown or not.

    While we husbands sacrifice sleep and “me” time to keep bread on the table and the lights on, we cannot forget that our wives and children are what we are doing this for, and it is pointless to work so hard if they don’t feel like they have us.
    Ivan Pointer recently posted…Disposable Tag in C# MVCMy Profile

  115. Liz G. says

    Thank you. All of you ; author and commenters. This is the most ‘normal’ I’ve felt in years. I see these women and their support systems are huge – grandmas, aunts, sisters, friends. Their children are cared for and the wine is poured….girls weekend in Vegas? What world is this?!? And you are right, the jealousy leads to anger and resentment when I should be happy to be enjoying my beautiful kids….which leads to guilt. I thought I was alone, but I see now that Im in great company. Thanks, ladies. Really. Thank you so much. <3

  116. Erin R. says

    This was just what I needed at just the perfect time. I stumbled upon it last night right after I put my 2 year old daughter down for bed….. and, yes, was scrolling through facebook. It brought me to tears and was like the thoughts came out of my own head. In addition to feeling lonely and my lack of friends (or at least constant, reliable, “you’re the first one I tell everything” friends) my job takes away from any chance of a ‘social life’. I love my job, am very proud of where I am BUT it comes with a cost…. and for that, I am lonely when the opportunity comes to have some ‘free time’. Thank you for sharing this- it is clear you have hit chord with so many of us!

  117. Alicia says

    I may not know how you feel Kristen. But I now have to go thank my mom. We moved to my dad’s first pastorate two weeks after my mom had my sister. ( I was 2) we were in a new state, away from everyone and everything my parents knew. The church was full of old people, and for the first time, my mom had nobody around. This must have been really lonely for her. I really do need to thank her for all she did during that period in her life.

  118. says

    I agree to some extent, but I feel like since I became a mom that I have no desire to be social outside of the home. I get all of my social needs from my mother, sisters, husband and dad. I work full time with a daily 2 hour commute so when I’m home that is the only place I want to be. I just want to hang out with my husband and stare at my baby. I swear she changes and grows in those hours between when I wake and when I get home. It almost makes me feel broken that I really don’t care about going out and doing things like I used to(my friend would be crushed if she knew), but I really cherish what little time I get to spend with my sweet baby. I’m enjoying every little wrinkle, slobbery kiss, and whiny afternoon. Being a mom is my most treasured role.
    NotSoJonesing recently posted…To Each Their Own..My Profile

  119. says

    This is so spot on and rings true for me as well. Sometimes the damn Facebook feed makes me jealous, bitter, angry and most of all lonely, too. Thank you for putting this all in your beautiful words.
    Catherine recently posted…Swimming in the kitchenMy Profile

  120. Michal says

    It was so refreshing to read this, I love your whole perspective and how we should just enjoy our children in these moments. I am going through this exact thing at the moment as I am in a new city. It was just yesterday that I saw friends post and felt sad, jealous and a bit resentful. I wanted to make a sarcastic comment but thought “why wouldn’t I be happy for them?” It’s horrible feeling like that towards your own friends. Somedays you’re on an isolated island and the only way to cope is to lash out in frustration. I know in time things will get better and I’ve got to just ride this wave. Thanks for sharing :)

  121. AdamN says

    I just want to add that this feeling is not just reserved for moms. I’m a stay at home dad and that comes with a whole other set of issues. I’ve tried to get play groups together, I’ve tried hinting that I would love to join moms in my area for playdate’s and of course I’ve looked for other dads. I know all too well the feeling of an oddball, the trips to stores for interaction the, well, loneliness. I read these articles about Moms and I can totally relate. But it’s not like I can tell my guy friends about this. The either wouldn’t understand or would just look at me like “I’m never hanging out with this guy again”! And I can’t talk to other women about this cause, lets face it, asking another mom to go grab coffee with me would raise a few eyebrows. But I do feel it and what bothers me event more are all these articles about moms. I just wish once, just once, they would say “stay at home parent” instead of “mom”. Other than that, great article.

    • Sarah B says

      Gosh I’m so sorry. Moms forget that there are SAHD out there too. And I know, how hard is it to connect with other SATP when the majority of them are women? When you are a Christian man and want to stay above reproach?

      I hope you express these feelings with your wife, and I hope she is able to help you come up with some solutions. I also hope that other men will stop being pricks and LOVE you instead of making you feel like an outsider.

      Thank you for responding and reminding all of us that we aren’t the only ones…I think the biggest thing I’m taking away from this is that there are so many other people experiencing what I am and I can’t sit here and mope about it…I need to get out there and open my life up to other people so that others in my life aren’t feeling alone!

  122. says

    Thank you for making me – and so many of us, apparently! – feel less alone! I’ve felt this so many times but haven’t had the courage to put it down. So glad you did. :)

  123. Christy Tucker says

    I love the sheer raw vulnerability that oozes from your words. This post is very moving and I totally cried my way through it and wanted to reach through my screen and hug you tight! I am not a “Mama” (but hope to be someday), but I have a few “Mama” friends and will make sure I make more of an effort to make sure they know how much I cherish them. Than you for your honesty and your words!

  124. says

    I am a Mama with her last one just graduated from college. I totally remember those days, and many days would trade my friends, chocolate, or anything to have them back. I would give anything to have my son crawl up on my lap and want to be rocked. Or my daughter have a story read to her, or have a french put into her hair. Or just cuddle. Enjoy every moment! The loneliness is worth the price, hard but worth the price.

  125. says

    My bit of sanity was a MOPS group – Mothers Of PreSchoolers. The children were well cared for and I had *GASP* adult conversations, tips, tricks, and a craft time!
    It helped me SO much, just knowing that I would have that precious time every other week.

  126. Sally says

    Well, obviously you hit a nerve. This was so me today. Thank you for the reminder – I’m not alone. And someday, I’ll miss this. :-)

  127. says

    THIS is the reason I started selling Thirty-One!! Somehow, leaving to go to “work” made me feel less guilty about leaving. It was two nights a month that I got to spend with OTHER WOMEN!! Glorious! I loved every second of it. Then I started making the house payment with it, and now I don’t feel guilty at all!! I go, I “work”, I party, I come home with a refreshed attitude and money in my pocket. Everyone is happier :-)

  128. says

    Thank you for this. I moved to a new city when our firstborn was six weeks old. It’s an old school Korean city, I’m a foreigner, and definitely the youngest woman in our neighborhood by about 30 years. I am so lonely, but this article was super encouraging. Thanks for the perspective, and thanks for sharing your heart.

    • says

      Kelsey, we’re transitioning back to the states, but my husband and I have been in Busan for 3 years. Being a foreigner IS lonely! I’m not sure how far it is from you, but there’s a great family-friendly church for English-speakers if you’re ever interested. Praying for you!
      Cassie recently posted…Overwhelm or Rest?My Profile

  129. Anna says

    Ladies, ladies. Please allow me to help all of you. I’m going to be 80 in Sept. Raised 5 kids. Three boys and two girls. Ten years between the oldest and the youngest. My husband was a retired USNavy sailor. We traveled everywhere . I would say I packed every six months weather we moved or not. First I always made where we lived our home. Joined our church, became a Sunday school teacher, Took the kids to swim lessons. Enrolled my kids in everything from Scouts to being in the school band. You’d be surprised how many nice people you meet at these functions. At one time I had a Brownie, a Cub scout, A girl scout and A boy scout. and a mascot. LOL Put the girls in the Miss Cinderella Scholarship Pageant. No makeup, no wigs or false teeth like you see on TV. The Moms are wonderful . These people that i met over those years are still my friends. I have kept in touch with them all. When we travel we visit. I am a widow of 14 years and I probably could say I’m lonely but I don’t have time. I baby sat for 13 grandchildren and now have two great-grandchildren, who I take care of while there parents work.I’v been President of The Republican Women’s Club in three different states. Have been on school boards. Member of the Chamber of Congress. Chairman of Bastille Days in Texas. I am now President of The New Yorkers of ******. I have worked as a volunteer at the hospitals in the towns I lived in. Please stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take a class on line and when the time is right you can even go to Junior College. If someone new moves in near you, take them a cake or a tray of cookies. If you have a senior neighbor and you see them out side stop , say hello. Some time people want to talk to someone. and don’t know how. Good luck ladies. My motto is Life is to short to sweat the small stuff. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Make the best of each day.

  130. Yasmin says

    I hear this a lot from mothers in the US, isolation when they have children. Here in the UK we have various pre-school groups to go to and meet like minded people at the same life stage. It looks like we’re taking our kids out to interact but really it’s a way to be with people. And it seems all you need for this enriching experience is a church hall, some toys (cars, dress up, books, kitchen), some tea and coffee for the adults and an end of session fruit snack for the kids. A small entry fee would cover costs and donations of toys from freecycle helps stock the group. What I’m trying to say is if you can’t find a group like this then go create one, you could help save a woman from loneliness.

  131. Amanda Hansen says

    Thank you for sharing your story. When I read this I could completely relate. It was as if I was the one writing it. It is comforting to know that other mom’s are going thru the same thing. Being a stay home mom is very isolating and you get very lonely. While I will never take back these years if being able to stay home with these 3 precious gifts, it would still be nice to have friends that need friends. Everyone seems to already have there own friend groups.

    • Anna says

      I agree. I belong to 3 different groups, and I have found maybe one or hopefully two mothers with whom I connected with. I really did try to talk and put myself out there, but always end up feeling like an oddball, because they have their cliques. I had tried to explain this to my husband, but I don’t think he ever understood, and I don’t blame him. He thinks since we have a baby I am now fully happy and everything is better. I do, I love my baby, but it’s hard to not be discouraged/angry with the situation when I can’t just get up and go for lunch, or even run errands without thinking ” is the baby going to cry?, what if I’m late for her nap?, will my exciting trip to the grocery mess up her feed time or bedtime?”… I really love this article. Somehow it makes me feel human.

  132. says

    “Maybe you’re in a new city, and you don’t know anybody, and then you meet people but they already have their group of friends and circles and you just kind of feel like the oddball out.” Yes, exactly. This post was so beautiful and true. Now, hold me!
    Tessa recently posted…Day 16 of Countdown to Oliver: RestMy Profile

  133. Laura says

    Talk about hitting the nail on the head. We moved 10 months ago and this mama of 3 has been incredibly lonely. This is our 4th out of state move in 10 years. I’m worn out and weary. My husband works 60+ hours per week, and most weekends. I’m starting to work my way out of it, with God’s help, but it is hard. Thank you for your words! If nothing else it is so comforting to know I’m not alone!

  134. says

    That is a great article. As a stay at home dad i can agree with it as well. I am glad i have some good men at church and my best friend and dad i can call up when i need some guy talk.

  135. Joey says

    I just need to add (I’m sure somebody else has along the way), please don’t forget us stay at home Dads too! As hard as it may be approaching other women or finding other women to hang out with, imagine what it’s like as a guy having only mostly women to approach to hang out with! Then if we go out with another stay at home dad there’s always the “are they or aren’t they” stigma. I do photography on the side so at least I have SOME adult interaction but man it’s tough when I’m around other adults sometimes because I struggle to interact properly with them haha.

  136. Darlene says

    Well,I am lonely too but for a different reason. You see my Mom passed away two years ago and my Dad, eight. I can hardly believe that they are gone. I live 1000 miles from my children and grandchildren because of my husband and my jobs. I have “friends ” to golf with, go out to dinner with occasionally and my husband home but I. am. lonely! Friends say, just fly out to see them often…well, the cost of that is prohibited. I go yearly but that isn’t enough to alleviate my loneliness. So, just saying, having a baby at home isn’t the only loneliness in a woman’s life…………..

  137. Houstongirl says

    When your kids are young definitely is a sacred time. But women have many sacred times. When their kids start school and moms feel that their kids need them less, when their kids are teens, and moms KNOW (with their brains but not with their hearts) that their kids WANT them less. Another time is when your kids are grown, and you are helping your parents journey from this world into the next. Definitely a sacred time. And then finally when you as a woman can’t do what you used to do, can’t work and help the way you used to work and help. That’s a sacred time also, and a very difficult one. Appreciate all of these sacred times. Enjoy all of the gifts of life stages and changes that God gives you. And be the best child/mom/wife/person you can be.

  138. says

    I seriously could NOT have written anything else more perfect to describe this time in my life as a mommy of 2 under 2. thank you for your honesty. Feel better knowing that I’m not the only one who wants to run away from a life that I so desperately wanted for all of my 20’s!

  139. Tara says

    How incredibly reassuring to read this article and know I’m not the only one. Raising kids as an older Mom has all sorts of challenges and I struggle often. I wish it was different and that I appreciated every minute, but it’s so easy to not see the forest for the trees. You’ve reminded me that I need to step back and see the joy in the season even if it’s not always fun.

  140. Megan says

    I can relate but in a different way. I have a special needs son. He has autism and none of my friends can relate. They don’t understand why I can’t leave him with just anyone, why I have therapies every day for him, and why I make such a big deal out of the little things. It’s hard and lonley.

    • Sarah B says

      I have several friends with autism and I wish so deeply that more people understood and loved parents better. In general, but especially in special needs cases…you may not understand but it’s important to TRY. Empathize, read a little, ask questions, and love the parents as they need to be loved.

      I’d encourage you to search for autism groups online and locally. I know of several in the PNW if you are interested and live near there.

  141. senda says

    Nothing more to add but: A million thanks for this article!

  142. Jimena says

    Just thank you! I read your post and understood that i am not the only one thinking this way. I lam an expat and without family and friends, feel loneliness every second of my life. But you are right, my baby is precious, and this feeling will go away. My baby comes first, my love for him comes first.
    Thanks again!

  143. says

    WOW!!!! As everyone else has already stated… you totally hit the soft spot with this on a day where I was totally vulnerable and lost! I cried like a baby when I read this. You nailed it and said word for word what I’ve been thinking for months! I think you pretty much just made every mother who will ever read this take a big deep breath and say “wow, I am not alone!” Thank you for inspiring me. I needed this, big time!

  144. Darci says

    First, I just want to say that it’s great that so many of you are able to connect about this common feeling of motherhood. What a beautiful community of women…

    While I can hypothetically empathize with your concerns, I just want to offer another perspective: So many women are trying to conceive, and it can be a difficult, drawn-out journey that sometimes does not result in the desired outcome. While I applaud you for voicing your concerns and finding a community amongst your peers, when these things go viral, it can sometimes become a painful reminder for the “have-nots” of exactly what they do not have.

    I only hope that while you deal with the very real feelings of loneliness and isolation, you can also be mindful of the miracle of life and how lucky you are for your role in all of it. For some of us, we can only long for the day when we too feel lonely amongst our beloved children.

    Wishing you peace, friendship and gratitude…

    • Kim says

      Darci, I appreciate your perspective and the kind way you put it. I am one of those lonely mamas that seem to be
      Desperately seeking friendships. However, I struggled for years to have a baby and suffered loss along the way. I did however end up with a beautiful and healthy little girl at the age of 40. I know not everyone is able to have that happy ending. For me, before I had my daughter, I was jealous and resentful of the moms that had what I so desperately wanted. I’m not saying that’s you, just saying that’s h

      • Kim says

        Great time to get cut off. I just wanted to say that I know both sides and you are right, having a child is such a precious gift. These posts have helped me so much because I know I’m not alone, which in a strange way makes me feel better, even though I sometimes feel alone. But I am reminded not to take any of this for granted. I have a very close friend dealing with infertility and it’s so hard because I know I can’t really do anything to make it better. I wish I could.

    • says

      Thanks for your kind words, Darci. I understand what you’re saying. Totally. I don’t take my children for granted. The problem is, that when these things go viral, very few people are interested enough to find out a little more about the author. I have infertility issues. I have ovarian cysts and have struggled emotionally and physically to conceive both of my boys. I’m very sensitive to the emotions and heartbreak that goes along with infertility, but at the same time, I can’t filter what I write and what I say because it might hurt someone’s feelings. I’ve dealt with the pain, the jealousy, the anger, and the bitterness that goes along with infertility. I get it. But I never held anyone else responsible for that. We can’t filter other people’s lives through our own pain. Motherhood is TOUGH and sometimes it’s ok to talk about that. It doesn’t mean I’m not thankful, or that I take my life giving abilities for granted. It just is what it is.

      You can read more about my infertility journey here : the doctors were wrong

      and here : finding hope : Kristen’s story

      and here : no, I’m not pregnant

      I also did a month long series on infertility which featured more stories than I could count of brave women sharing their infertility struggles as well as their losses. Search “Finding Hope” in the search box and you’ll find a ton of stories that might touch your heart. Thanks for taking the time to comment! I appreciate your thoughts so much.

  145. amal says

    i’m the mom at target too. it’s as if you took all my feelings and wrote this article. wish you lived in florida so we could be friends! you’re def not the only one who feels this way

  146. says

    I’ve not read all the comments- too many and I’ve not got the time, so forgive me if this is redundant in any way, but I feel compelled to post that this “season” is a very long one. It’s much of our lives, as it can encompass all our fertile years. I’ve been a mother for 15 years. I have a 15 month old at 40, a 5 year old, 6 year old, 10 year old, and 15 year old… and had a stillbirth and a miscarriage. It’ll be another 17 years before all my kids have graduated. I’ll likely have grandkids by then. Plus, I’m rurally located. I’ve been married 17 years, and have had a total of 5 alone-with-my-husband-and-away-from-home dinners in all that time. He works 80 hour weeks and travels non-stop. There is literally no time for friendships, and quite frankly, no one wants to be friends with someone who has more than a couple kids, has them spread out over more than a handful of years, etc. etc. Motherhood is not respected or supported in our society in my opinion. I’m looked upon as a freak for accepting the gift of children and my fertility, instead of respected for exercising my choice. The comments I get in the checkout line at the grocery store are painful outrageous, and insensitive. And women aren’t particularly respected in our society in general for that matter either. We are supposed to be skinny, beautiful, good cooks, successful in a career, with beautiful children and a well maintained home, etc. The ideal is impossible. The eternal sexualization of our gender is so demeaning, as well. Even women’s magazines bombard us with mixed messages and a good dose of fantasy. For all the social media, etc. I think that this is a very isolating and painful age for women. But I’m not about to turn my back on or resent my very nature. I am a woman and I embrace the pain that being a woman requires. The lows heighten and sharpen the moments of love and beauty. Wishing you all consolation and peace with your current state of life!

  147. says

    I really enjoyed reading your post. I don’t have kids at this stage in my life but I still get lonely ironically enough longing for the time when I will have kids. I wrote a blog post in response to your post. I know you have so many comments and may not be able to read it but I thought I’d post it anyway. Thank you for your words.
    Rachel recently posted…lonelyMy Profile

  148. says

    I am starting on disability soon (100% military) I can’t figure why guys are working 60+hours/week. Yes for a short time maybe but not long-term. Even though my wife is a stay-at-home-mom it’s worth the sacrifice to me of only one income. So I am bound to a wheelchair now and have a fixed income now and that’s the way it is….

  149. says

    Beautifully written post. Yes, I am a lonely Mama. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes (still in my pj’s I might add) reading this post and nodding away to everything you have said. Its as I’d you’ve written my complete thoughts down. I love my girls and feel very lucky to be able to stay at home with them watching them grow and develop, but like you wrote, I get lonely and long for conversations with a girlfriend and talk about adult things, then just dinosaurs or princesses. There are days when I get jealous reading on Facebook about other friends having close friends, or outings theyve go on. I know I spend too much time on Facebook but its a way I stay connected with friends. I too will take my youngest out to the shops in a hope to bump into somebody I know or have a chat to a random stranger. Ihave

  150. Ashlee~Shevonne says

    Yep, totally a lonely mama. And I don’t even have a husband to occupy some of this time. Little to no help or adult interaction. Hopefully this will pass soon.

  151. Karen says

    You know this also goes for working mums, I had to go back to work because of financial difficulties. I look at a computer screen all day with very little human interaction, catch bus home, Cook dinner bath the kids do homework, then all go to bed. I also scroll through Instagram and Facebook and my heart hurts as I see mums and kids spending time together, then Saturdays is filled with sport and grocery shopping. Then the only day to catch up is Sunday at church!!!
    Stay at home mums embrace each other while you can because there will be a time when you may end up like me spent my stay at home days as a drepressed mum (ignoring the fact that I had depression) to finally be diagnosed finally get energy and life back and the had to head back to work!

  152. kristine says

    My words exactly. i had this moment when i was walking in the street looking for a familiar face to drag. a hand to hold onto because you just want to cry it all out. I love my job as a mom. and I am more than happy to be around my kids its just that, it as well seemed that i have just disappeared into thin air. that my existence and value is only measured by how tidy i can keep the house, or how good a coffee i can make for my husband, when no matter how tired you are you have to stay till late to prepare everything for the morning. otherwise you’ll start the day with a chaos. loneliness worsened by a husband who expects you to get everything done and will moan and whine when they are not. because he is just as important as the kids are. and you as the mom. you are no longer important. what you feel doesnt matter anymore. and at times you just want to disappear.

  153. Katie says

    This is just the tip of the iceberg really. I mean, when you think about it, a bit of contact with our friends is actually not just something to treat ourselves to once in a while. It’s actually necessary for our ability to function, it’s our access to essential information and support, plus our kids need and deserve it. Kids need to be raised in a joyful environment, full of meaningful relationships, where they can play with other kids while their parents keep an eye on them. The world will become a better place if we make this happen, and lets face it, if we don’t make it happen, nobody ever will.

  154. kelly says

    Omg!!!!!! I thought i was the only one who felt like this, and i’ve often wondered if i was a bad mother for feeling that way. I love my son and wouldn’t change a thing, but i’m so glad i’m not alone. There are other mothers who feel exactly the same.

  155. Amorette says

    I read this and cried! My kids are not little anymore…in fact, I only have 2 of my 5 left at home. I belonged to a MOPS group when they were little and was very connected and had lots of friends, but now I have none! My best friend has just walked away and doesn’t have time for me anymore…too busy with older kids doing sports, etc. I just feel like I am lost out here in the world with no friends! The only person I really talk to and spend time with is my mom! I pray every day for God to send me a friend that I can do life with!

  156. Nichole says

    Thank you for your words. You express perfectly how I feel many days. You are right in saying these are precious, amazing days. I am so thankful I get to be home with my son but as you say, I need to actively pursue friendships as well. Us women are relational beings!

  157. Lisa says

    I have a beautiful 1 1/2 yr old daughter. I prayed for her so many nights. That’s why I feel so guilty when I think of how lonely I am. I live in isolation. I’m a single, working mother. Life is tough. I have no one to help me, I have no one to talk to, I have no one to just…BE there with me. It is me. All the time. All alone. There are nights when I dread my daughter going to bed simply because she’s the only other person I’m ever around. I need people. I need a person.

  158. Jessie Mayer says

    Thank you, really JUST thank you. This was exactly what I needed right now!!!

  159. says

    Wow. Thank you for your humorous, eloquent, and TRUE words of encouragement to young moms. As the mother of ELEVEN, nine now adults, I can echo every syllable. They grew up overnight. Now six are married, we have 13 grandchildren, but it seems like yesterday that I was living your life. Now it’s easier, quieter, cleaner, simpler and very, very satisfying. The investment we made by our choice to have a full-time parent at home (that would be me)has paid off a million-fold and our children are giving back so much more than we gave them. Keep up the good work, as a mother and a writer, encouraging others to press in and hang on. It’s worth it. Big time.

  160. Renee says

    What an amazing article. It really hit home and I loved reading all the replies. If only we could all meet one day and have a glass of wine over laughs and tears. You have a great group of readers!!

  161. says

    Thank you! Reading this post came at a much needed time. I lay in bed with my 19 month old son because he wouldn’t go to sleep in his bed and wish my fiancé was here instead of working 12 hour shifts at night. I work too but still feel so lonely. All the friends I once had before I got pregnant have all moved away and I don’t have those close mommy friends. The friends I do have are out of state so catching up on the phone is a rare occurrence. I feel a lot lately like life has given me too many lemons and I have yet to find the sugar to mix with it. Our son was the best little surprise and I wouldn’t trade a day for anything but my life as I knew it was put on hold to put all my energy into caring for him. And I cry sometimes because I’m sad at how much he’s grown already and am scared of the day when he’s too cool to tell me he loves me. Thank you for putting into words all the things I have been feeling but could never have written!

  162. Lorelai says

    Crying as I type this. Couldn’t have said it better. Thank you. I read this when I needed it the most.

  163. Taylor says

    Wow. This is exactly how I am feeling today. Thank you for sharing and letting me know that I am not alone in feeling this way. That I am not an outkast. I am a young mom and I am truly thankful and thrilled to be a stay-at-home mama…but it does get lonely. Thank you for understanding and for sharing. Going to go take a walk with my baby girl and get some sunshine.

  164. says

    I read this and was very moved. especially for my wife, who is presently pregnant with our third child. The other two are under five, and we also have my 13-year-old son living with us from my previous marriage. I also have 22-year-old twin daughters from that previous marriage who no longer live in our home.

    I would like to say that while your article and website focus on Moms, we Dads feel some of the same things. I miss my little girls who are now grown up and running their own business. I relive some of that in my new little ones, but know all too well how soon this season of time will pass away far too quickly.

    But then, what do I do to help my lonely wife? She is the one who is stuck here all day, every day, with little interaction other than the little kids and me. I have the great joy of working for myself and working out of my office at home, but I also get to do things my wife cannot always enjoy – going to meetings with clients, traveling domestically and abroad for my work, and interacting all day, every day with people outside the home. I have even garnered a bit of a public reputation for my work, and have all sort of interactions with people on many different levels, while my wife remains the partially hidden face; the wife at home with my kids.

    And getting her out and about is even more difficult when there is very little possibility of accomplishing this with small children who simply cannot attend some of the meetings, events, conferences and foreign tours I lead.

    Moving on, we Dads also have that grief of heart that comes with missing our little children after they have grown. I all-too-well understand the “irreplaceable moments of time,” knowing that my little ones will never be my little “squeaks, bugs, tweets and birds,” ever again. I absorb as much of them as I can, despite working in a home office environment, where the daily/hourly interruptions from the little ones can drop my productivity to a mere fraction of what it ought to be.

    Add to that mix the fact that my wife was ill and in bed for the first three months of this present pregnancy, and her loneliness grew exponentially.

    We Dad’s are in it neck deep, as well, and while we have some outlets that a stay-at-home mom is not as easily afforded, we do miss our children, and long to make the best use of our time while they are little.

    * * *

    “A Cradle Song”
    by William Butler Yeats

    THE angels are stooping
    Above your bed;
    They weary of trooping
    With the whimpering dead.
    God’s laughing in Heaven
    To see you so good;
    The Sailing Seven
    Are gay with His mood.
    I kiss you, I kiss you,
    My pigeon, my own;
    Oh, how I shall miss you
    When you have grown.

  165. says

    Sometimes things come to you at the perfect time. I really needed to read this. I was recently let go from my job, and for the first time in my daughter’s life I am at home with her full time. We just moved to this city less than a year ago, and my husband is a pilot which means he is traveling 90% of the time. It’s helps to know I’m not alone! Thank you for your words!

  166. Jennifer says

    I could have written this. It’s not everyday, all the time. But occasionally it creeps up on me. Especially when it has been a couple days since I spoke to another adult. And nobody tells you this so you feel guilty about it. Selflessness does not come easy to me I admit. So I always feel slightly defective when I hear other mothers proudly talk about their stretch marks and lack of personal time (because their kids are oh so happy and that’s all that matters…). I love my kids with every part of my being. But I struggle with some parts of motherhood. Some days are absolutely awesome. But some days (more days than I’d like to admit maybe) it’s pretty fucking brutal.

  167. says

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I am a fellow blogger who has been feeling the same way and trying to find the words to express how lonely being a SAHM can be. I’m 26 with an 18 month old and another due in August. All if my friends are working moms and I tend to be the forgotten friend it seems because “I’m always available.” I also live where there are no mommy groups or play groups, let alone a decent park for kids to play safely so trying to branch out and find fellow moms to be friends with is difficult. So I can say that I know how you feel! I hope things get better for the both of us and all mommies in the same situation. Check out my blog if you get a chance.
    Momma recently posted…Mr. Mommadise, the Birthing Coach 2014My Profile

  168. says

    This was a beautiful post. I know loads of people have seen it and I still wanted to let you know. You’re not alone. We all feel it now and then. Thanks for sharing. (hugs)
    Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered) recently posted…What to say?My Profile

  169. says

    Are You Lonely, Mama – by Kristen of When At Home. A warning to younger Lonely Mama: Make the effort to make plans and keep your circle of friends alive. Be it old friends or new friends from a “stroll & stride” group. I had my kids later than most of my friends. I was there for those girlfriends … making sure they knew I was happy to lunch with them and their kid(s) … I never insisted on making them leave their families at night for cocktails just because I was still single. I went to kiddie birthday parties, visited them at their homes, had them over to my place so that we could see each other in a kid-friendly way. Now that I have kids and they are empty-nesters with their kids in college, it’s not the same. They host adult-only dinners and parties, invite me to double-dates with my husband, or even cocktail nights with the girls … because their kids are old enough to stay home alone. After being such a good friend, all those years ago, I never expected to be lonely at this stage of my life.
    Jo recently posted…Are You Lonely, Mama? Find a Tribe! My Profile

  170. says

    I am one of those moms in her 40s & used to feel this way years ago. I found an organization called Mothers & More & discovered there was a branch in a town 20 minutes from me. They had a meeting a couple days later, so I went. Btw, Mothers & More is an organization for moms who know they need to have a life outside of their kids.Unbelievably, the topic of the first meeting I went to was motherhood depression . One mom spoke & introduced the topic & then there was silence. So I jumped in & talked about my experience .I knew no one, so I had nothing to lose. I guess it was divinely guided that I was there that night, because I know I helped people . And although I didn’t join their chapter due to the meetings & activities being too far from me, I did go home that night & dream about starting my own chapter in my town.When I woke up, I told my husband about it. He encouraged me to “just do it”. So I did. It is now 9 years later, and although our group decided to drop its M&M charter years ago, the group has continued to live on.We still meet 2-3 times a month. And it has been a true sanity saver for all involved.So, if you’re sitting there reading this & wishing things were different, know that they can be. Sometimes you just have to be the one to make them happen.Look up Mothers & More & see what they have in your area. If there’s nothing & you’re not up for starting a chapter, look into Plug in your interests & you will find a gold mine of groups await you!Youll have to put yourself out there to find things, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.Just remember from reading all these posts, there are many, MANY others like you out there like you feeling the same way waiting to meet you. So go DO something about it!

  171. M says

    Thank you for writing this! I moved about a year and a half ago with my daughter and husband. I left my family and the city I was born and raised in and it was the biggest shock of my life! It has taken me until recently to even know how to interact with other women again, and I swear I have done the same exact Target run and hoping for anyone to befriend me. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one who has felt this way. I love my daughter and cherish the time I have with her but I longed for just someone to come over and have coffee with me and talk about our kids and families or anything. Thank you for the perspective though on appreciating the “season” we are in.

  172. Jackie Mitchell says

    I’m a Grammie now and as I look back on my life my best and deepest and strongest friendships originated when I had small children. Most of the friendships were with women whose own children were about the same age as mine and we chatted during park outings or while waiting for library story time to start, or while the kids paddled around the pool at swimming lessons, but I also had friendships with some single women of all ages who just liked kids (and me) and wanted to hang out with us and who helped me and my kids beyond measure. But I do remember the loneliness. It was excruciating sometimes. I remember very well how isolating motherhood could feel. I just wanted to add my perspective in the hope that you might find some positives to focus on that would help you endure it well. As little time as there inevitably is in your very full days, I know there are lonely mothers all around you waiting to help and to be helped, and that can make all the difference!

  173. Katie says

    Thank you so much for this post. It was like reading my life.

  174. Emily says

    Thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone. I found this post as I was putting my baby back in bed after nursing him. Its 2 something and now I found myself crying in the still loneliness of the night. I only have a six month old right now but I’m a working mama. I’m putting my husband through his Master’s degree and he is gone for the summer in an internship. I’ve been alone for 9 weeks so far (only 4 more to go) and I cannot describe how horridly lonely I am. I work all day with people who don’t have kids and who tell me how hard it be to be me. I come home and my neighbors are all stay at home moms who repeat the same message of how hard and lonely my life must be. The worst part is that I am too prideful to admit that they are right. I want to cry all the time and wallow in the despair and self pity I feel. No one I know can relate. No one. I have never felt so alone in my life. Thank you for this post. It has reminded me that these hard times are almost over but so are the middle of the night snuggles with my sweet boy. Thank you for helping me to feel a little less alone right now.

  175. says

    My story is very different because I feel I will never not be lonely. I always tell people, you lose friends when you marry…. you lose friends when you have a child. Well you lose even more friends if that child has special needs. I have one friend in my life that has stuck by me since we were kids. Why because she has 2 special needs kids of her own. We never see each other even though we live 10 minutes apart. If we are lucky we will run into each other at the grocery store about once a month. I like to say I’m lucky I have a husband. But being as we work opposite schedules so our son doesn’t have to go into a care facility at all, or be raised by a stranger we don’t see each other very often. However I am grateful for the teamwork we manage to pull off. My best friend however is a single mom. What is different between us and most of you. Your children will grow up and move out and you can have a social life back. Parents like me will care for their children for the rest of our lives. I just pray everyday. I outlive my son. Because who will care for him when I’m gone. (I’m 30 yrs old). My son is 9 and I still change his diaper every day. I very much know what its like to be lonely and I probably will for the rest of my life.

  176. Sheila says

    I felt those same feelings several years ago when my 2 sons were young. I remember being depressed and not even knowing that I actually was at that time. I used to wish I had a job. My husband would say, “if you had one you’d wish you didn’t “. I remember not having friends and no one really yo talk to but my kids or my husband, and then there wasn’t much to talk about. Those days were mostly before the boys got big enough to go to school and be on ball teams, which helped.

    When my youngest son went to kindergarten, I went to college, and became a nurse. Since then I’ve worked, and have many days that I wish I didn’t have to work. Lol. How ironic. I’ve been through divorce and remarriage. My two sons are now young adults ages 26 and 29. I’m very proud of them. The have good jobs and own their own homes. One lives about 45 minutes and the other 75 minutes from me. Which means in a time of busy lives, and everyone working, that I don’t get to see them often.

    So now I look back and wish I could have one of those lonely days back. I can close my eyes and be transported back in time to those days long ago, when I thought I wanted and needed so much more. But during those days I had with me the best gifts God has ever given me. My two sons!

    It’s a part of life, different seasons I guess, that we mothers must go through. Now my days are super busy working as a nurse practitioner. But, there’s not a day that goes by, that I’m not lonely, for the days when those little boys loved and needed ME more than anything else.

    Take the time and make the effort to find a friend to fill your social need and be there for you to talk with. That is a need that all humans have. But also embrace these days, that are as a fleeting moment. The days when “Mommy” means everything to someone!

  177. says

    Wow that was strange. I just wrote an very long comment but
    after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr…

    well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say superb blog!
    Jefferson recently posted…JeffersonMy Profile

  178. Allie says

    I really, really appreciate this post. I especially enjoyed reading the comments and am a different person since reading this, now that my eyes are open to how many people struggle with this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  179. says

    Beautiful, inspiring post. Thank you so much for spilling your guts and writing what most of us are feeling and going through. Finding mom friends is so hard! I’m working on it, though. Friendship is intentional and I need to find time for it.
    Valerie @ Bubbles and Gold recently posted…Today Was An Epic DayMy Profile

  180. says

    Wow…your post happened to pop up in my Facebook feed just as I was thinking these same things! I so miss my little circle of friends…keeping in touch with two toddlers is sometimes very hard and I sometimes feel like the last thing they want to hear about it what Jr. did today or how little miss is “just so cute!” I know because when I was single and didn’t have kids I would roll my eyes at my family friends’ little family stories. Wishing I hadn’t now…when the shoe is on the other foot, I see now how important it was for them to have someone to talk to…even if it was just another cute kid story…ha.. Thank you for your words… will be making some calls tonight after the kids go to bed :)

  181. says

    Unfortunately, loliness is not unique to stay at home Moms. I am 45, happily married, not so happily full time employed with nice enough co-workers and have no children. I don’t always fit in with the “Moms night out” crowd. I too, have cried while looking at the facebook posts of the “cool crowd” living it up, especially when my best friend decided that we no longer needed to be friends. We all need to learn to un-do our cliques, allow others in, and support each other as WOMEN, in all phases of life. We can learn so much from one another if we would just throw our arms around one another and listen.
    Stay Strong Mamas! This world needs your kids to grow up with love and strong Christian values. We support you!!!

  182. says

    I am no longer in your current season. But I was there and I get it. Believe me, I get it. Thank you for expressing it in words. I am in the next season with a middle schooler, high schooler, and a college kid. You are right the season is gone in a flash so savor every possible moment. Your true girlfriends will be there through this season and they will be there when your done. I am just now starting to hang out with friends a little more but it is still all about them . . . even the college kid. Enjoy.
    Nancy Nelson recently posted…He Loves Us In Spite of UsMy Profile

  183. says

    Hi Mommas

    I want to share with you, When I had an unexpected baby at 24. I felt isolated. The mom folks all just identified themselves as moms. I also had my own things I liked to do, like go see music, hula hoop, etc. I felt like they were separate friends. It was hard I spent a lot of time alone. When we moved to Asheville NC, things were different. The cool people had kids, and it was cool. Many restaurants / bars places have outdoor space, where during normal waking kid hours, you come, meet your friends, go to a momma’s group meet up, hula hoop meet up. Knitting meet up, and you let your kid go and play with the heard of other patrons’ child. You grab yourself a beer, and sit down and have an adult conversation, while the kids wear their little buts out. AND you don’t get judged for having a beer. A beer, like one or two, not 30. You bring some snacks from home for the kids, and you can get out for $10. But it’s not just the bar, it’s more of the mentality of women who don’t get lost being a momma. You remember who you are , and you find other mommas that feel ya on that too. You combine forces. You work together with other mommas, you share time and space and kids. We are each other’s village. lets embrace it more and more.

  184. Rup says

    I felt like this too. I was married at 21 had my daughter just before my 23 birthday. My friends were all still single having fun living their lives. By 31 I was divorced raising my daughter and starting over. I got lucky I meet a wonderful man who loves me and my child but I still feel lonely at times as I dont have anyone who can relate. I was a stay at home mom now I work but struggling to be financially stable. New job now a renter rather then a house owner. I feel like my life has been in reverse I got married bought a house had a child while all my friends continued their education. Now they are getting married have kids and im alone socially cause I dont fit in. Help can anyone else relate?

  185. says

    I still am lonely even though reading this made me cry.
    I still hate me and my life and still regret my choices.

  186. Brandy Perry says

    Just wait until your youngest of 3 turns 18. When they all start moving out. You are really alone most of the day, while everyone is at work or college. That is lonely!!!

  187. says

    I absolutely LOVE this post. I could have written it based on my feelings as well (although, not quite as perfectly as you wrote it!) :)

    Thank you for sharing your heart and your words of encouragement!

  188. Christina says

    Wow. The comments. So many!

    So then why do the moms I meet not embrace me back? I mean, when I come at them like a torrent of rain with my incessant talking (oh, an adult!), my loneliness, my child going out of control as I force him to stay on my hip, and the spinach sticking out of my teeth…!

    Oh yes, I think I would run, too. How forward is too forward? How reserved is too reserved? Me thinks it depends on the other mom’s personality and current head space.

    Thank you so much for writing this. All of us lost moms out here are like the lost boys; maybe we should get together and make believe we’re having a divine meal. ;)

  189. says

    I have met so many awesome, funny, strong women by letting my guard down and realizing it’s okay if i forgot to brush my sons hair because we were elbows deep in the morning chaos….or that I just ran all the errands today never noticing that my little one had a dried booger stuck to his cheek the whole time(serious mom points for that one right?) and I that I never brushed my teeth that day. We all have similar stories and we need to embrace laugh and support.
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  190. Annie says

    Reading the OP – I see a woman that has aching difficulty making new friends with people and an entire following of comments that also echo her. What I find even more disconcerting are threads of, “I want to be friends with x type of people – but they judge me.” Which could easily be aligned with, “I tried to be friends with others, but they don’t get me.”

    There are comments claiming in their experiences – “she just doesn’t get me” which could easily been the perception the earlier commenter saying “she can’t be friends with me if she isn’t EXACTLY like me.” “She’s not the same age as me.” “She doesn’t have kids the same age.” “She doesn’t look like me.” Therefore she and I can’t be friends…. Do you hear yourself?

    Find some common ground – but don’t try and look for an exact reflection. I can be friends with someone 10 years younger or 10 years older than me if their kid is in the same stage of life as mine. I can be friends with someone whose kids are not in the same stage of life, but is into the same tv shows as me and can remember what it was like – so we catch up on shows. Try not to make your one new friend out to be your only shot at a best friend either. You can have more than one friend, and recognize the gifts each person who enters your life provides for you. First and foremost, you look for comfort and companionship.

    The same way we coach our kids to cultivate diverse friendships, we as mothers need to model for the same for them. It’s good to have several connections. These connections help to avert the feelings of depression (that lead to misplaced anger at … innocent Facebook posts of photos from old friends – you know, the people that you used to connect with?)

    I agree with what other commenters said about being deliberate in your friend making. Make an effort to call someone if they gave you their number. And let them know, “I’m calling you just to say HI!”

    In creating friendships and maintaining friendships – you get what you give. Provide an ear, and then you will get an ear. Provide deep wells of patience and forgiveness, it is amazing how karma works.

    Recognize what you are good at and be willing to be honest about what you’re NOT good at. One of my closest friends is more than 15 years older than me – her daughters are also more than 15 years older than mine, but I cherish her in so many ways. We met during a workplace meeting and she thought it was so odd that I pursued being friends with her. Asking her to lunch, lingering during chit chats – respectfully not crossing boundaries (not asking if she was divorced, how much older than me she really was, or if my hair should be left longer?) But rather – just sharing about myself. Letting her know I trusted her. In 10 months, she started opening up to me. How painful her life had been over the last 2 years. She mentioned how lonely she was and I told her its so ironic considering how many opportunities I provided her to connect with me.

    It wasn’t me that was keeping her from connecting! It was her.

    So you see – sometimes you have to get out of your own way.

  191. says

    A great post! I would add that many women still might feel lonely even though they don’t have little ones anymore. I’m 54 and my children are 25, 28, and 31 but now I spend a couple of days a week watching my grandson who just turned one so I can relate to feeling the very same way! Age shouldn’t be a determining factor for friendships. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world but full of the richest rewards and blessings. Thanks for reminding me to be open to new friendships)

  192. Michael says

    Imagine how it feels to be a stay at home DAD? How many dads are at playgrounds? How about trying to set play dates with moms at the playground only to be suspected of some ulterior motive? How about a dad’s group? Ha, right. How about all the negative comments or suppositions? “That guy is probably sitting at home playing Xbox all day”, “what kind of man is he to let his wife go out and work while he just stays home all day”, “he stays at home with his kids, I guess he’s a loser and can’t find a real job”…the sexism is staggering, but hey, what double standard?

  193. Megan says

    I cried while reading this. We just moved 6 hours away from the place we called home for the last 8 years. I left a lot of friends behind. Both mama & non mama friends. I’m glad we have the internet to keep in touch but it saddens me that I won’t be there for my friend’s annual Christmas party… or there to see my mom friend’s kids hit that next milestone, or there for that next play date.

    I’ve joined meet up. I’ve met other moms out here, but I feel like I haven’t made any connections yet. It doesn’t help that the mom group I’m in has over 400 members & each meet up feels like a revolving door since it’s different moms each time. So it’s hard to make a connection when you don’t know when you’ll see that person again.

    I was in a MOMS club back home which was awesome, but there’s none up here unfortunately.

    I’ve tried to say hello to the other moms when I drop my son off at preschool, but they’re in a hurry. I’ve joined non mommy meet up groups, and often times I’m the youngest one there, which is fine, but again I have nothing in common with the other people at the group.

    I’ve joined a gym, so at least that gets me around other adults, but I still feel alone in a crowd.

    I really hate feeling lonely & I hope it passes soon.

  194. Malorey says

    Hi everyone,
    I can relate to A LOT of what you all are saying. I don’t have kids and don’t plan to, but I still have been through the friend stuff and can assure you that it DOES get better, so hear me out for a moment. :) When I first graduated college and moved to a new city at age 21, I felt this HUGE sense of loneliness. I’m very friendship-oriented and extroverted, but I need the *real* kind of friendship, with the deep bonds and long creative discussions and the loyalty and inside jokes, not just “weekly lunch with the girls” shallow stuff. I was super depressed for a while after college, because it seemed like no one around me cared about friendship or connecting deeply. Now, though, it’s two years later and I have an amazing best friend (as well as a few other close friends) here….literally, I ended up moving into the apartment unit next to her, we hang out til 2 am multiple nights a week, wrote a screenplay together, tell each other everything etc. and it’s just as good as the “true-blue bestie” from high school. So, even though I don’t relate to the motherhood aspect, please let me tell you that IT DOES GET BETTER. The world isn’t some cold, isolated and boring place, although I was very depressed initially and had the same hopeless thoughts I’m reading in these comments section. As someone who started off feeling lonely as hell due to lack of a close BFF, and then found one, let me share the following things:
    1 – Cultivating this type of close bestie takes time. I met my best friend in a writers’ group. It started off with hitting it off there; then, we started to gradually hang out outside of the writers’ group; then, it moved to hanging out on weekends; etc. It took about a year to get as close as we are now (read: moved in next door, tell each other everything, juicy inside jokes, working on creative projects together, etc). So what I’m saying is, I realize that you don’t want friendships just based off of small talk, but they START there. Do as much of the small talk and socialization as you can, and of course not everyone will stick and get close, but the ones who you’ve got the potential for a deep friendship with, will. And it’ll get closer after time…I hope I’m making sense.
    2 – Make friends through your passions. If you’re a writer, artist, hiker, or are devoted to a specific cause, meet friends through events and meetups related to those specific things. Don’t base your meetups on age groups, or being a mom. Base meetups on other shared passions instead. You’ll meet people of all ages there, moms and non-moms, but they’ll all be people you can connect with (instead of the snobby moms who judge you for using formula, or whatever the case may be at mommy group, or people who may be your age but they judge you for not being on their path).
    3- Like others have said, find yourself. Periods of loneliness suck, but you can use them to discover what’s important and delve into those causes more, in ways you wouldn’t have been driven to if you were happily surrounded by best friends. Discover a bigger purpose to be part of. What’s something that makes you tick, that doesn’t involve your personal friends/family bubble? For example, join a volunteer organization that fights human trafficking. Volunteer with the homeless – and try to actually reach out to them, motivate them, be the force of good that helps them turn their life around; help abused pets in shelters find homes; visit and read to elderly in nursing homes; etc. I believe that periods of loneliness cause us to think about these things and reflect on how to reach out to where we are needed in the world, instead of just being happily sheltered in a family/friends circle with no care of what’s outside. If you’re a writer or artist that’s able to reach out to others and help them somehow, through your art, do this too.
    4- You know the cliche old saying “if you want a friend, be one?” think of it in the sense of…don’t just make friends to make friends for yourself…think of helping the world…and the real friends, will be the ones who share your purpose, and they will fall into place naturally.

    I know this was a long comment. I hope and pray that it helped someone. Ladies (and guys), I’ve experienced that black hole, but please believe me IT GETS BETTER. And if people say it doesn’t, either they are a naysayer to be ignored, or a fellow lonely person to reach out to. Either way, don’t let others’ negativity get you down. Lots of love to y’all.


  1. […] Sometimes I just want to have a long conversation with someone other than my husband. Someone with female anatomy. Someone in the same life stage as me. Someone that gets me. But I can’t dwell on those thoughts. Loneliness breeds jealousy, and bitterness, and anger, and regret, and then guilt, and sleeplessness, grumpiness, impatience, grudges, depression, and on … and on … and on … (Kristen’s story) […]

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  3. […] Are You Lonely, Mama – by Kristen of When At Home. This is a bit older, but every word of it rings true. And it’s one of the things I’m working to change for myself. Getting out more, planning things more, connecting with other people more. It’s good and it’s necessary. […]

  4. […] Being a mama is lonely business. It’s hard to imagine you are lonely when you have someone (you’re child) around 24-7 but it is. Please please if you have a friend who is the 1st in your group to be a new parent (dad’s need friends too) call them. Call them just to say hi, call them at 2 in the morning when you leave the bar (if they have a newborn chances are they will have the ringer off if sleeping but if they are up for a late night drink with baby you will make their day), call them when you’re at the store to see if you can pick up anything, just call! Even if you don’t hang out calling lets them know you care, you’re still friends, they still exist outside of parenthood and have not gone away to some foreign island isolation for infantitis. Don’t feel rejected if you invite a new mom to something and she says no. Sometimes it is impossible for others to understand why she can’t make time but she has her reasons so ask again and again and again. Chances are you will be the first one she calls when she is finally up to hanging out. Don’t think just because your friend has other friends with kids she isn’t lonely. Most likely their kids schedules don’t line up and she probably doesn’t hang out with other moms as much as you think. Motherhood is Lonely…It Just Is […]