Things Jonah Says

The creepy. The sweet. The “what the … “. This is Jonah in all of his four year old philosophical glory.

Fab Kids 1

Jonah : Abby (my sister), I had a friend who died.
Me : what?! No you didn’t!
Jonah : yes I did! He died and it was sad!
Me : Jonah, what are you talking about? Who died?
Jonah : Yes he did! He climbed on a roof and he fell off!
Everyone in the room : ……..
Jonah : I kept slapping him, but he wouldn’t wake up.

After months and months of him telling everyone who would listen that he’s going to be jealous of the new baby …
“I’m going to be jealous of the baby. No I’m not. I just changed my mind. I’m gonna love it.”

fab kids

Jonah : Mom lets play big bad wolf! (A game he usually plays with Zach)
Me in my best wolf voice : Little pig little pig let me come in!
Jonah : Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!
Me : Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down! (Did accordingly. Huffed and puffed and then knocked his house/box over.)
<<Awkward pause.>>
Jonah : Um. Mom?
Me : Yes? Did I play the game right?
Jonah : Um. No. You were creepy though. Good try, mom. Good try.

fab kids

While at the grocery store one day ..
“Mom look!” (Points to bin of toys) “I think THOSE are in the budget!”

He found an empty airsoft gun in my parents’ kitchen drawer and kept trying to take it out to play with it. Zach took it away and explained to him that it was a real gun and we can’t play with real guns. Gun safety. All of that. Then this happened : 

Zach : Jonah, you can’t play with this gun. It’s real. It can hurt people.
Jonah : No! It’s not real! It’s a toy!
Zach : No, it’s not. It’s a real gun. You can’t play with it.
Jonah : It’s NOT real. It’s a toy!
Zach : It IS real. Look, I’ll show you.
Jonah, running away in a panic : “NO!! DON’T SHOOT ME!!”

Randomly in the car one day when Emery was a little grumpy …
Jonah : Mom I can sing a song to help him go to sleep!
Me : Oh that’s so nice, Jonah. He would love that.
Jonah : I would do anything for my brother.

fab kids 3“Look at your big fat belly, mom. It’s so big.”

Me : UGH! Why do you boys have so many toys??
Jonah : Because you just keep buying them for us! (a valid point.)

Referring to Emery looking at me : “Aw, look mom. His face is in LOVE.”

Jonah : Mom. Emery is my boyfriend.
Me : No, he’s your brother. I think you mean he’s your best friend.
Jonah : No, he’s my boyfriend! 
Me : No he’s not, buddy. He’s your friend. He’s your brother. But he can’t be your boyfriend.
Jonah : (getting upset) He IS my boyfriend! HE IS!
Me : (thinking we were just getting lost in semantics) Ok, fine. He’s your boyfriend. What do you think a boyfriend is?
Jonah : I have to buy him flowers and go on dates with him because he’s my boyfriend.
Decided to drop it cause things are now weird. Later on at McDonald’s …
Little girl in play place : Aww, is that your baby brother?
Jonah : (puts his arm around Emery and draws him in close.) No. He’s my boyfriend.

Fab kids 2Jonah’s outfit is from FabKids. Sign up and get your first outfit for $15. AND if you get your friends to sign up with your link, you’ll rack up points to get free outfits. Once two friends purchase an outfit, you’ll get a free one! It’s a pretty sweet deal. 

Oh Hey. Still Here. Still Pregnant.

I’m 38 weeks pregnant!! I know I’m like a broken record with the “I’ve never been this pregnant before” talk, but I mean. I’ve never been this pregnant before! I think it’s kind of cool. I’m on my third pregnancy and I still get to experience things I’ve never experienced before. I might get to birth a baby bigger than 6 pounds. What is that even like? I’m so excited to meet this kid.

Still PregnantIn my last post, in which I talked about how terrified I am to have this baby, one of you commented and said that I’m just not at that point where I’m willing to do anything and everything to get this baby out, but that I’ll get there. You were right. And I’m there now. Totally there. It’s so funny how your mind and your body and your heart need to go through certain things to really get you ready to birth a baby. It’s so cool.

We’ve had two weeks straight of nothing but snow and ice here in Tennessee. When I saw the weather report for the first week, I freaked out. I just knew I would go into labor and we wouldn’t be able to get out of the driveway and I’d be having the baby on our tiny bathroom floor. I’ve never prayed so hard for a baby to stay inside of me. I’m so, so thankful that baby is still cooking because there were several days in a row that we could not get out of our driveway.  I’m so thankful that we stayed safe and warm and that baby is still growing and developing and getting ready to meet its crazy family. The snow is melting, the roads are clear, the sun is out and I think March is a good time to have a baby.

in yo face

The downside of still being pregnant right now is that I feel like I’ve been in labor for a week. Contractions all day every day. They start and stop. Sometimes they keep me up all night. Sometimes I’m so convinced the baby is coming that I get all of our chargers and whatever random things aren’t packed in the go bag and throw them in my purse and I lay the kids’ clothes out for the next day and then nothing. No more contractions. No baby. I know the contractions are working and that I’m dilating, but I won’t know exactly how far along I am until Wednesday — should I make it that far.

I was in a really bad place on Saturday with the feeling like I went through labor but not having a baby to show for it thing. I went through the same thing during my pregnancy with Emery, but it never gets any easier. It’s mentally draining. It really is.

Friday night, Zach and I went to the gym with the kids (find a gym with childcare, ya’ll — not even playing. It’s amazing.) and we hopped on the treadmills to try to walk the baby out. Right after dinner that night, I had some really intense contractions, followed by a panic attack. I don’t know why I have those when I’m in the first stage of labor (which I’m convinced that I was), but I do and they’re not fun. I hyperventilate, shake, my heart rate is out of control, and I do a lot of blowing raspberries and shaking my head and shoulders to try to make it pass. It’s kind of embarrassing, but whatever. Zach calmed me down with a game of uno (he destroyed me), a psalm, a cup of chamomile tea and a little bit of prayer. And even though I had contractions all night and was convinced baby was on the way, I’m good now. No more panic. No more fear.

in yo face

I needed that night. I look at the pre-active labor panic attack (and even the prodromal labor) as my body’s way of releasing all the pent up fear and worry and getting me mentally and physically in the zone.

And I am in the ZONE. 

I’m ready to breathe and push and meet my little squishy. Who is this mystery baby? Is it a boy or a girl? Will it look like me or Zach? What name are we going to choose when we see his or her face? How much will he or she weigh? Bald like Jonah or a head full of hair like Emery? What ridiculous things am I going to say in labor? (I’m known to be hilariously offensive.) AHH. I’m so excited. I want this baby in my arms already!!

We are so ready. As I’m sure you all are too. Sorry to keep you waiting, friends! But this little one will be sooo worth the wait. Have a great day and send all the labor vibes my way!!

Real Talk — I’m Terrified to Have This Baby.

Man. I just really haven’t felt like doing anything this week. We’ve been snowed/iced in since Sunday and I’m feeling like such a sloth. I’m so exhausted. I randomly fall asleep and when I’m not sluggish and cranky, I’m just frustrated that I’m still pregnant. Which is dumb because I’m only 36 weeks. I technically have a month left, but since I usually have some kind of labor progression at this point, I’m just annoyed. I have started having contractions, but nothing has stayed consistent for very long and it’s just emotionally and physically draining. Prodromal labor is such a pain. Pun intended.

Last night I had one really, hard, awesome contraction and at first I was all, “YESS. This is what a contraction is supposed to feel like. Bring it on, baby.” And then I was all, “Oh no. No no no no no no.” All of of sudden the pain and panic of labor came rushing back to my senses and I’ve decided that I don’t want to do this again. They say you forget it all once you have that baby in your arms, but it’s just not true. You don’t forget it. You never forget. It’s always there. You always remember. Worth it? Hec yea. But forget it? NOPE. And so I had a moment of pure panic. Heart racing, palms sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti? Are those the lyrics to that song? I don’t know. I’m rambling. Clearly I’m still thinking about this. I DON’T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.

36 weeksJonah’s labor and delivery was long and intrusive and pretty much the worst experience of my life. I know I’ve vaguely mentioned the experience before, but it was awful. It was relatively painless, due to all the drugs and interventions, but I was scarred in much more painful and lasting ways after the experience was over. Emery’s labor and delivery was totally different. SUPER painful and intense and fast. Two hours from my water breaking, he was in my arms. I barely had time to suffer. But it was terrifying. I was so overwhelmed and scared and totally not prepared for things to happen that fast. I of course was hilarious the whole time and said rude and inappropriate things and I’m sure if nurses keep a log of memorable patients, I’m at the top because holy moly was I graphic and specific and vulgar. But if that experience had lasted any longer than it did, I don’t know what would’ve become of me.

I was not brave or strong or anything like that. Terrified. Panicked. I refused to grunt and instead yelled and screamed. I couldn’t focus on anything other than my fear. So when I think about that, and when I think about how nice the epidural was with Jonah, and when I think about how the epidural led to me losing control over my birth, but how nice it was to not feel pain, but then how amazing it was to be able to stand up and walk around minutes after Emery was born, and how I felt like a champion afterwards and still feel like a beast of birth for that experience …. BUT I DON’T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.

Ugh. I know. I’m such a wimp. This is my THIRD baby. Get it together, right? If you’re thinking that then just shush because I am terrified of pain. I’m terrified of things going wrong. I’m terrified of having my baby on the side of the road. I’m terrified. Just. Yea. I know I can do it. I know my body was made for this. I know God equipped women to birth babies but why does it have to hurt so bad?? Freaking Eve, man. She did this to us, ladies. Let us not forget. When the pearly gates open and we all get to flood Heaven’s glory, let’s find that girl and release all of our pent up cattiness on her face. Just kidding. But maybe we can start working on a Burn Book. Also kidding. Kind of.

Ok I’m done. I just needed to get that out of my system. The closer we get to having a baby day, the more I’m filled with panic and fear and OH MY GOD PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS AGAIN.

Have a great weekend, When at Homies. Maybe I’ll be back on Monday will a photo of my new baby and an incredible story of my incredible strength and demeanor. But probs not.

 

Nothing Has Surprised Me More Than Motherhood

I wasn’t the little girl that always wanted to be a mom. I didn’t dream of having babies. Not when I was a kid, not when I was a teenager, and not even when I was in college. To be quite honest, the first time I ever really wanted to be a mom, was when a doctor my sophomore year of college told me I couldn’t have kids. Then I was all, “But I really want to!” But I really didn’t desire it the way some women do. I wanted to travel and see the world and write books and be famous for something. (Didn’t really matter what.) The desire for motherhood came much later.

The Surprise of Motherhood

When we decided to have a baby, we kind of just thought it would happen right away, in spite of the fact that at that point, multiple doctors had told us it would be difficult or impossible for me to conceive. (Ovarian cysts. Dozens of them.) It was a tough almost two years, but eventually we conceived our little Jonah and all was right with the world. That entire pregnancy, the only thing about being a mom that I thought about was baby gear, diapers, breastfeeding, labor and delivery, keeping my baby out of stranger’s hands, germs, vaccinations, S.I.D.S. and other ways my baby would inevitably die if I didn’t do my job right. I thought all of those things were what made me a mom.

But then he was born and I broke. The moment he came out of me I burst into tears. I was a sobbing hysterical mess. “They said I’d never have babies!” were the first words out of my mouth. And then they put him in my arms and that’s when everything changed. That was the moment. As soon as I held him. I was a mom.

Two days later, we took him home from the hospital in the middle of one of the worst ice storms we’d ever seen (we’re talking scraping ice off the windows as we were driving.)  just for them to call us back as soon as we walked in the door because Jonah’s bilirubin levels were out of control. We took him back to the hospital and left him overnight because they refused to let us stay and refused to let me breastfeed him. I was a mess. I cried all night. I just got my baby and then they took him away and were big jerks about the whole thing. As soon as the sun came up we were in the car, driving back to the hospital, on the phone with our pediatrician, and begging him to help us fight our case to the hospital staff. And it was a fight. We demanded to breastfeed and the nurses told us we couldn’t because Jonah could get brain damage from the bilirubin and formula helped flush his system quicker. Our pediatrician and the hospital’s pediatrician got in a big fight over the phone as we stood in the NICU just trying to figure out what the best decision to make was. Our pediatrician reviewed Jonah’s files and looked at his levels and told us we could take him home, put him in front of a window and breastfeed him until his levels dropped below what the hospital was calling “the danger zone”. He was amazing. The hospital’s pediatrician brought us a stack of papers and told us in no uncertain terms that he thought we were terrible people and were risking our child’s life and health on “principle”.

Zach and I stood there in the NICU over Jonah’s bassinet, looking at his little 6 pound 7 ounce body, almost completely naked, his skin reflecting the blue lights and his eyes covered by the tiniest little eye mask, with the papers in our hands admitting that we would accept all responsibility if Jonah died or developed irreparable brain damage. My body craved to pick him up. I can’t explain it and perhaps only mothers will truly understand that feeling of needing your baby in your arms. It was such an unfamiliar and painful thing, to crave something that was mine, but was being told I couldn’t touch or feed because doing what my heart and soul told me I needed to do could possibly kill him.

We stood there trying to make a decision, me just trying to hold it together, while the NICU nurses stared us down and rolled their eyes and whispered to each other about us. (Seriously these women were terrible people.) One of the nurses walked by, without making eye contact, and said, “You need to make a decision now.” I looked up at her and said, “We don’t know what to do! We’ve never been parents before!” and then I cried. And then we signed the papers and we took that baby home and he didn’t die and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have brain damage. (Jury’s still out, though. He’s only four and sometimes he licks the refrigerator.)

Anyway, I share that story with you to say that that was the first time motherhood surprised me. I didn’t understand that fierce love for another person. Up until the moment Jonah was placed in my arms, I didn’t know what love was. I didn’t know what selflessness was. I didn’t know what fear was. I didn’t know what exhaustion was. Or frustration. Or anger. Or disappointment. I didn’t know how incredible and exhausting and emotional my life was about to become. Everything about being a mom has surprised me in the most beautiful and challenging ways.

Nothing Has Surprised Me More Than Motherhood

I’ve traded peace and quiet for chaos. Quiet time for belly laughs. A size three for a size ambiguous. Coffee dates for grocery store trips. Jigsaw puzzles for legos. Harry Potter for Dr. Seuss.  Personal space for all-up-in-my-face. Tea for coffee (extra strength with a couple tablespoons of cocoa, please). Game nights with friends for family movie nights. Sleeping in for waking up before the sun. The Office for Ninja Turtles.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Motherhood has completely caught me off guard. Not always in a good way, but in a beautiful way, nonetheless. I was so unprepared for this role, but it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

What Would a Mom Wear — Pink Blush Maternity

I am so close to be doing with this pregnancy. So close to holding my new squishy. So close to finding out if it’s a boy or girl!! I can’t wait. I mean, I can. I’m only 36 weeks, so technically, I have a month. But I’m feeling very done. Very ready. Very sick of of prodromal labor. It’s not fun, ya’ll. But it means my body is getting ready and is doing what it needs to do so I’ll just embrace the late nights of consistent contractions that last for hours and then completely stop. UGHHHHH. 

Anyhoo. This will be my last What Would a Mom Wear maternity edition, so I thought I’d change it up a little bit. Not only did I let Zach pick out the dress, I let him pick out something that I would never ever in a million years pick out for myself. Zach loves when I wear bright colors and super girly frilly things, but that’s just not within my realm of comfort. I have more of a earth tone, simple patterns, let’s not draw attention to myself kind of style. So when he picked out this dress from Pink Blush Maternity, I was like … really?

What Would a Mom Wear -- Pink Blush Maternity

But I have to be honest…he did pretty good. I love the dress. I had a hard time deciding which shoes I liked best with this dress. If it was warmer weather, I’d wear sandals, but since it’s currently 10 degrees, I’ve been doing the boot thing. These are my sister’s and she doesn’t know I stole them to take these photos so don’t tell her. I also rocked the leggings and taller boots and I think I like that look the best. It’s more me. Here’s a photo of that look.

What Would a Mom Wear -- Pink Blush

Sometimes you just need someone to help you step out of your comfort zone a little bit. I’m really glad I let Zach push me a little on this one because I for real needed some color in my wardrobe. I should take a picture of my closet. It’s pretty drab. This dress is fabulous. I’ve been given so many compliments on it, which doesn’t happen that often in massively pregnant world. Pink Blush has theeee best maternity selection. I wish I’d started shopping there at the beginning of my pregnancy because it would’ve solved a lot of my “I have nothing to wear that’s cute!” dramatic crying fests on the floor of my closet. I’ve had quite a few of those. And I’m sure I’ll have even more once the baby is born and my body is all out of wack and oddly shaped. BUT pink blush also has a nursing and non maternity line, so I’m just going to go ahead and get a head start on browsing now. Lord knows I’m going to be a mess of insecurity and exhaustion in a few weeks. You guys will hold my hand through that, right? Postpartum body stuff is no joke.

Well. It wouldn’t be a What Would a Mom Wear post if I didn’t include at least ONE shot of me being awkward and dumb, right? Look at me go.

What Would a Mom Wear - Pink Blush

Ha. I’m awesome. That’s a good way to end this maternity series, right? I’m not even sure what I was trying to accomplish there, but whatevs. Maternity fashion series officially concluded. Big thanks to Pink Blush for the beautiful dress!!

Now in other baby related news …

THANK YOU so much to those of you who have purchased and sent something to us from our baby registry. You just don’t know how much it means to us that you guys love us and our family enough to do that. We’re not having a baby shower and haven’t really shared our registry with anyone other than you guys, so to get anything at all, for our third baby, is just such a blessing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If you sent something to us, please e-mail me your address so I can send you a thank you card! It’s so weird for me to accept gifts without knowing who gave what and without being able to properly thank you. LET ME SEND YOU A CARD. Or something. Because you all are just so sweet.

And lastly (I feel like I have to fit in everything in this post just in case I go into labor before I get the chance to write again!), please go follow me on instagram (@klavalley) if you’re not already. I know I’ve been pushing that a lot lately, but facebook just won’t show my posts to the majority of you anymore. Instagram is just so much better for keeping you updated on our day to day life, if that’s of any interest to you at all. I post on instagram multiple times a day usually so if I go silent over there, you’ll know something going down. Or coming out. Ha.

Ok that is all. I have newborn cloth diapers to prep and doctor’s appointments to attend (yay). Have a great Monday, friends!