“God hates mothers.”
Those are the words I texted my husband during a particularly difficult day. Honestly, I can’t even remember what was going on and why I texted him that, but the shock of seeing those words written out has stayed with me. For a second, I really believed it. That day was so difficult, I truly believed I was being punished for something. Like maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson. I begged desperately for my children and he gave them to me and look at the awful job I’m doing with them. He must be punishing me for betraying His generosity and kindness.
Cause God works like that.
Except no he doesn’t.
My kids are the greatest gift I’ve ever received, so why would I think God would use them against me? As I write it out, I know it’s crazy talk, but in the moment, I truly believe that God is disappointed in me and that he probably regrets entrusting these precious little people to my care. For a second, I convince myself that God hates mothers. But that’s just not true. God’s got mad love for mamas.
When it’s only 10 in the morning and you’re already feeling DONE for the day, he gives you strength and somehow you make it.
When the baby is screaming all day long but then FINALLY, she falls asleep, he gives you rest.
When your kid is being defiant and obstinate, but then says something so ridiculous that all you can do is laugh, he gives you joy.
When you’ve failed them a hundred times before bedtime, but your little one still gives you a hug and a kiss and says “I love you, mama.”, he gives you grace.
When in the midst of all the chaos and you’re feeling lousy and like you’ll never measure up, you look at your kids’ faces and realize this is the most beautiful chaos you’ve ever seen, he gives you peace.
I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like God is with you or that he cares about you or that he even takes two seconds to look at your motherhood. When you’re in the middle of the longest night of your life, you might find yourself truly questioning his goodness and his presence, maybe even his existence. But trust me when I say that God is for mothers. Even when it feels like you’re completely alone. Even when you feel like he’s abandoned you or that he’s punishing you or that he’s disappointed you. He is for you. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. Even when you fail. Especially when you fail. Believe it. Embrace it. Lean on his grace and depend on his strength.
You’re doing great, mama.